Every day when I am running, I pass an elementary school and sometimes am lucky enough to pass by when children are at recess. I love the sound of children playing and having fun, screaming and shrieking with unadulterated joy. It reminds me how important play is to children, but also reminds me that play is just as important for adults.

How often in our busy lives do we as adults make time to play, to just have fun and enjoy life. All too often adult play time is relegated to the weekend, but what if we were to schedule time during the week to play, whatever that might be for us? Adult play is important as it gives us time to recharge and remind ourselves to do something just for the sheer fun of it. What do you like to do for fun? Adult play could consist of anything from hitting the gym for some people to joining a pickup game of basketball with friends, going for a leisurely bike ride just to enjoy the scenery. For others play time might mean gardening or coloring or working on crafts.

It is important in our hectic lives to make sure we take time just to do things that make us happy, whatever that might be. Our play time is just as important as recess is for school children. We adults need downtime just as much as our kids do, maybe more so depending on what our jobs are. Sure, finding time during the work week to play can be difficult, but try to think of it as an appointment with yourself and perhaps your friends or even your children. And it is not about finding the time, it is about making the time to do things that simply make you happy. It is about making time to do something that is important to you and is good for your soul, that will help you release stress and recharge your batteries.

I think sometimes we as adults think we do not deserve play time, that we have to be doing something work-related or “productive.” But if you think of adult play time as an appointment with yourself, something necessary to maintain your sanity, is that not productive? Your mental health matters and adult play is important to keep yourself happy. All work and no play puts our mental health at risk. We all work so hard during the week to pay the bills, put food on the table and clothes on our backs, do we not deserve some play time as well? Work hard, play hard.

Living with mental illness can be debilitating, leaving us trapped in our misery and anxiety. But every day you get out of bed is a victory, every day you rise up and embrace the day with enthusiasm is a victory. Every morning offers a new opportunity to recreate yourself, to become the person you always were meant to be.

It has been said that every morning offers two choices: continue to sleep with your dreams or wake up and chase them. Who do you want to be today? This morning, this bright new day offers you a chance to make choices that will afford you the chance to become the person you always wanted to be.

We who live with mental illness and those of you who struggle with substance use often find it difficult to make even the smallest decisions. If your only choice today is to stay in bed or get out of bed, I urge you to toss aside that down comforter, put your feet on the floor, rise up and stretch the sleep out of your system. Get out of that bed and make the decision that today, you will begin to make healthier choices, to become a better version of you. Who did you want to be when you were little? No one thinks when they are younger that they want to live with depression, anxiety or substance use. Who can you be today? Can you be the person you wanted to be when you were younger?

What choices can you make this morning that will lead to a good day and evening? What choices can you make today that will leave you feeling full and accomplished. What choices can you make today that, when your head hits the pillow at the end of the day, will make you feel as though you took a step forward on the path to a healthier life?

Today is a new day, ripe with possibility. What are you going to do with it? Today is a new day, a chance for you to become a new you. Who do you want to become?

A few years ago, I spent two weeks in Ghana with underprivileged children teaching them English. Well, that was the premise of my trip. I think those children taught me more than I taught them. Ghana is severely impoverished with many people living in shacks and driving on dirt roads, if they can afford a vehicle. Electricity is intermittent and hot running water is a luxury. Yet in all my years on this planet, I have never witnessed so much joy.

Where does that joy come from? I believe it comes from being thankful for what you have, from being grateful. It has been said that gratitude is the birthplace of joy, that people who are grateful for what they have are happier than people who lament what they do not have. So often people living with mental illness and substance use disorder fall into a downward spiral when they think about what they do not have … the perfect job, a fancy house, a newer car. But what would happen if instead of focusing on what we do not have, we were grateful for what we do have? What if we paused throughout our busy days to be thankful for little things, like the birds singing, our morning coffee, good music on the radio during our commute to work?

It is true that not every day is good, but it also is true that there is good in every day. Maybe the only good thing that happened to you today is that you had a really good cup of coffee or that your hair turned out just right or that you had a chance to chat with a friend or loved one if even for a few brief minutes. Right there are three good things that happened to you. If we could teach ourselves to be grateful for the little good things that happen to us during the day, we open ourselves up to be more joyful, to have a more joyful heart.

Gratitude is the birthplace of joy and becoming more joyful takes practice. Perhaps at the end of each day, before settling into your comfortable bed you could jot down three to five good things that happened to you during the day. Be grateful for those things. Try doing this every night before bed, even if it is just a mental note. The more we become grateful for the good in our lives, the more joyful we will become, the more our hearts will become joyful.

So often people come to treatment expecting someone to “fix” them, to solve their problems, to make them better. If only it were that easy. If only I could wave a magic wand and make your troubles disappear. I would if I could, but sadly I cannot do that.

I often tell my clients that I do not have the solutions to your problems, but you do. Let’s work on finding those solutions together. There is something in my profession called “the miracle question,” and it goes something like this: “Suppose tonight, while you slept, a miracle occurred. When you awake tomorrow, what would be some of the things you would notice that would tell you life had suddenly gotten better?”

How can you and I work together to make things better? Has there ever been a time when things were better? What were you doing then? Try that again. There are so many things we can do to heal ourselves, to take care of ourselves and move ourselves from addiction and mental illness to health and mental wellness. What are your coping skills? Can you listen to music for a while? Could you call a family member or friend? Have you tried adult coloring books? Can you read for a while? Watch a movie? What about going for a walk or a run? Have you tried yoga? Exercise is the most under utlitized anti-depressant available. Exercise gets your endorphins—the feel-good chemicals in your brain—going. Even a half-hour stroll might make you feel better.

How can you heal yourself? What are you willing to do to make yourself feel better, to make your life better? Oftentimes, it begins with making healthier life choices. What are you eating? It matters what you put in your body, how you are fueling your system. Instead of choosing a doughnut for breakfast, how about a piece of fruit and some yogurt or oatmeal? Instead of binge watching the last season of “Game of Thrones” maybe you could go hiking through a nearby forest preserve? Science tells us that being in nature for as little as 30 minutes a day gets those endorphins going and helps make us feel better.

Your life consists of all the choices you have made up to this point. Is it time to start making better choices? Is it time to start taking better care of yourself, your body, your life? If you are ready to do that, start with making one healthier choice a day. Once you start making healthier choices, it will be easier to begin doing that throughout the day and those healthier choices will start to add up and you will start to feel better, healthier. Healthy self, heal thyself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I firmly believe that life is a series of choices. Good choices, bad choices, but choices all the same. What choices have you made that have led you to where you are today? What choices have you made that have helped you create the story of your life? What choices can you make in the future that will help you rewrite the ending?

Your story is comprised of all the choices you have made up to now. Are you happy with the way your life is proceeding? Are you stuck in one of the chapters of your life? Have you spent too much time flipping back through the pages lamenting the things that have happened to you over the years, lamenting the choices that you have made that have led you to this point in your life? You have the power to stop and say this is not how I want my story to end. You have the power to stop and start over and start writing a new ending to your story. You do not have to stay stuck in a life that has become unhappy or without meaning.

You are the author of your own story, of your own life. I firmly believe that no one can make us happy … happiness comes from within. Others can contribute to our happiness, but no one single person can make us happy if we are truly unhappy on the inside. Happiness really is an inside job. What choices can you make in the future to secure your own happiness?

Your story may be plagued with depression, anxiety or substance use, but it does not have to end with you staying in sadness and despair. The choices you have made up to this point in your life have created your story and I urge you to own those choices, to own your story. Those choices have made you who you are. But every day, every morning offers a chance for you to make better, healthier choices. Every day offers you an opportunity to start writing a new ending to your story, one that will make you happy.

What are you going to do today to secure your future happiness, to create a better ending to your story?

Wh

 

Own your story. Own who you are.

Every day, we make hundreds of choices starting from the moment we wake to the moment we drift off to sleep at night. Every day, we have a choice to listen to our harsh inner critic or silence her and think positive about ourselves, our situations and our lives. How often do we say nasty things to ourselves? What would happen if instead of criticizing ourselves we lifted ourselves up and celebrated little victories we achieve throughout the day?

Thinking positive, talking to ourselves in a more loving way, takes practice and can seem silly at first. Over time, though, the more we speak to ourselves with kindness and compassion, the more we will find our moods lifting and our outlook on our lives and situations brighten. And the more we think positive, the more positive our lives will become. Think positive, be positive.

True, bad things happen during the day. But we can choose how we react to those things and look for the silver lining in whatever happens to us. Ask yourself, what can I learn from this situation? What has what just happened taught me about myself? What good can come of this? The more we look for the good, the better our lives become.

If finding the good in situations is difficult, perhaps consider a starting a gratitude journal. At the beginning or end of every day, list three to five good things for which you are grateful. Gratitude is the birthplace of joy after all. Every day may not be good, but there is good in every day. Sometimes you may have to look a little harder for the good, but I guarantee you the good is there. Did you enjoy a nice cup of coffee in the morning? Did you cross some items off your to-do list? Did you speak to a friend or loved one today? Did you feel the sun on your shoulders? Did the rain water the flowers that soon will bloom?

Thinking positive, be positive. It starts with reminding ourselves that we choose how we react to situations and things that happen to us during the day. You can choose to react in a positive way and glean something positive from a situation, or you can choose to react negatively and be left feeling sad or angry. The choice is up to you. How will you live your life today?

Recovery is not easy. It is not supposed to be. Recovery does not happen in a day, a week, a month. Recovery is a life-long process that takes time, commitment and daily effort. Anyone can come to treatment for mental illness and/or substance use disorder. Anyone can show up in a therapist’s office or treatment facility but recovery takes more than just showing up. You have to be willing to do more than just show up; you have to be willing to do the work of recovery.

Working on your recovery means that you participate in finding solutions to the problems that left you living with mental illness or substance use disorder. Recovery means finding new ways to cope with stressful situations and negative feelings. It takes a lot of courage to say you need help, to say that you have had enough of being comfortably uncomfortable in mental illness and/or substance use. It takes a strong person to navigate the road of recovery. Are you ready to find your strong? Are you ready to tackle the problems that have left you feeling miserable?

Recovery means working on yourself every day. What can you do to make yourself, your life better? Recovery requires you to find your joy, whatever that means to you. Recovery requires you to find what makes you truly happy, what makes your soul happy, and making time to do those things more often. Recovery requires you to find the strength to focus on what is right for you. Recovery requires you to find the strength to put yourself first, because if you do not take care of yourself there is no way you can take care of anyone else.

I am a firm believer that it takes more courage, more strength, to seek help than it does to suffer in silence. It is easy to remain comfortably uncomfortable in depression, anxiety and substance use. It is easy to make excuses as to why you cannot get better and remain in woe. It takes real courage and strength to come to treatment and participate in recovery, to participate in creating for yourself a new life, the life you deserve. And the fact of the matter is that you do deserve a better life, a life that is fulfilling and beautiful. You deserve more than to live in the pain of depression and anxiety and substance use. You deserve the life you have always wanted for yourself. The question is, are you ready to find your strong and participate in creating that life?

 

Anxiety. We all feel it from time to time, and that can be a good thing. But for some of us, anxiety becomes so overwhelming it affects our daily functioning sometimes to the point where we become paralyzed with a crippling fear of panic attacks.

Some anxiety is good. It behooves us to be anxious in the event of a dangerous situation. It behooves us to take extra precautions when confronted with something that can harm us. But when anxiety begins to affect you emotionally, socially, occupationally or educationally, anxiety becomes maladaptive. At that point, some can feel the onset of a major panic attack: rapid heartbeat, dizziness, flushing, fear of dying, fear of losing control, fear of going crazy. How do we handle such situations? How do we deal with the fear of dying in a panic attack?

Most of us try to fight the feeling. We brace ourselves for what we are sure is going to be a fatal cardiac arrest. We being to breathe ever faster, become ever dizzier. We start to feel numbness in our hands and feet, as though we cannot stand for one second longer. We feel as though we are going to faint, often in a crowded room full of people who might judge us as weak.

But what if, instead of fighting the anxiety and panic attack, we simply acknowledge the fact that we are anxious, that something triggered in us a fear response. What if, instead of fighting the panic attack, we simply let it happen. I suspect that those reading this who have suffered the embarrassment of a panic attack have survived each and every attack without in fact having a heart attack. What if instead of hyperventilating ourselves into passing out, we took several deep breaths and welcomed the panic attack. It likely would begin to dissipate more quickly than it might if we were to fight it.

What if instead of fighting the panic attack, we instead employed our coping skills: deep breathing, going for a walk if your neighborhood is safe, listening to music, knitting, watching a movie. What would happen if we leaned into the panic attack and instead of fighting it, examined what brought on the feelings of impending doom?

Panic attacks can arise in a matter of seconds, but if we take a moment to examine what is happening around us, we can temper the attack and better manage it. The likelihood of the panic attack ending in cardiac arrest is so slight and the chances that we have survived the panic attack are so great, that the probability of us surviving yet another attack is pretty good.

Managing anxiety comes down to self-care and self-compassion. Acknowledge the fact that you are feeling anxious. What triggered the anxiety? What can you do to calm yourself down? What has worked in the past? Do that again. Try not to beat yourself up as “weak” for feeling overwhelmed by anxiety; it happens to everyone at some point. We are, after all, only human and as such are entitled to our feelings. Feeling overwhelmed by some internal or external trigger is only human. But what can you do to manage those feelings? Can you call a trusted friend to talk about your feelings? Can you distract yourself from whatever is happening and focus on your breathing? Can you repeat in your mind a useful mantra, such as “Easy. Calm” while practicing deep breathing?

When anxiety becomes overwhelming, try to remember that you are in control of your body. You control your reaction to any given situation. You can lean into the anxiety, the panic attack and acknowledge your feelings, or you can fight the panic attack and likely feel it growing worse and worse by the second. Embrace your feelings, own them and likely the panic attack will dissipate.

As is the case with everything in life, how you react to the anxiety and the panic attack is your choice. You can continue to beat yourself up for feeling anxious and for having a panic attack, or you can own your feelings, deal with them and move on.

For some, though, coping mechanisms are not enough to manage overwhelming anxiety. For some, medication is necessary. And there is nothing wrong with that. Taking medication to manage anxiety is not a sign of weakness or failure. Doing so simply is an indication that you need help managing your feelings. There are many medications available to those living with anxiety to help manage those feelings, but before taking any medication it is imperative that you talk to your doctor or psychiatrist to ensure that you are taking the right medication at the right dosage.

Medication management is just as important as managing one’s own feelings of anxiety. If you are feeling overwhelming anxiety, to the point where you cannot function effectively or are experiencing frequent panic attacks, talk to your doctor or psychiatrist. Also, remember your coping skills. What do you usually do to calm yourself, to show yourself compassion?

And remember, when a panic attack begins, try not to fight it. Invite it, welcome it, embrace it. The chances of quieting the attack are greater if you resist the temptation to feed the attack.

In my years as a mental health professional, I repeatedly have heard clients describe themselves as bipolar, depressed, schizophrenic. It pains me to hear people describe themselves this way. You are not your mental illness, you have a mental illness. We must be careful in choosing words to describe our conditions. You are so much more than your diagnosis, so much more than your disorder.

One in five people live with mental illness at any given time, but in order to move beyond that diagnosis, we have to begin thinking ourselves not as victims of our disorders but as victors of our conditions. Every day we must celebrate little victories, even if that little victory is simply dragging ourselves out of bed and into the shower. In our efforts to overcome our diagnosis, we must learn to celebrate ourselves as victors of our lives, not as victims. Victors choose to embrace life, regardless of what hand they were dealt. Victims choose to succumb to the symptoms of their disorders, reveling in self-pity and woe. It is so much easier to be a victim, to say “Why me?” when thinking about our mental illnesses. Instead, consider, “Why not me?” I truly believe those of us living with mental illness are stronger than we believe, stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Living with mental illness requires battling daily the symptoms that want to keep us in bed, to keep us inside, to keep us lamenting our conditions. If we want to be victors of our lives we must embrace the bad of our lives as well as the good.

Yes, living with depression and anxiety hurts. Yes, the symptoms at times are unbearable. But we can choose to rise above our symptoms by practicing self-care, self-compassion and self-love. We can learn to live with our diagnoses as merely a part of who we are,  part of a whole that includes so much more than the symptoms that we can sometimes let dictate our lives. We are not just our mental illnesses. We are people first, diagnosis last and so much in between those two.

In overcoming mental illness and navigating the road to recovery, we get a second chance to become the people we always were meant to be. Recovery offers a chance to become whomever we have dreamed of being while stuck in the quagmire of mental illness. But first we must let go of the diagnosis and labels that we may have let define us for so long. Cast aside those labels and become the person you always have wanted to be. Recovery is about becoming you. Be more than your mental illness.