So often in my work, I see people coming to treatment expecting to be healed in just a few sessions. For some people, that is true. For most, however, there is more work to be done. So many people come to treatment not fully understanding that the road to recovery likely will be long and arduous.

Finding one’s way to recovery takes work and persistence. There likely will be setbacks and times when one wants to give up because recovery is hard. Recovery takes daily effort and persistence. Recovery is not just about wanting to find your way from mental illness, substance use or eating disorders to wellness, it is about doing the work of recovery every day. You have to fight for it. It is not a fight won easily. But it is so worth it.

Living in the quagmire of mental illness or substance use or eating disorders can render one feeling helpless, hopeless and lost. But, believe me, there is hope for recovery. Once you become so tired of feeling sick and tired, recovery begins. Once the fear of changing becomes less so than the fear of remaining the same, recovery begins.

Recovery is not an event, it is a process. Recovery does not happen overnight. Where are you on your road to recovery? Are you stuck feeling comfortably uncomfortable in your illness? Has your illness become a constant companion? Perhaps it is time to move on from that particular relationship. Do you know that there is a problem that needs attention? Perhaps it is time to consider treatment. Are you ready to fight for the life you deserve? Are you ready to fight to become the person you always were meant to be? Perhaps it is time to find your strong and call a hospital or treatment facility, if even just to inquire about what types of programs they offer.

There is a beautiful life for you waiting on the other side of fear. There is more to life than feeling low and lost and unwell. Wellness and recovery are waiting for you. Are you ready to fight for your life? Are you ready to find your way from illness to wellness? Are you ready to fight for you?

So often in my work I see people who are unhappy with their lives, their jobs, their significant others, their situations. People come to treatment seeking solace, seeking an end to their sadness, their pain, their loneliness. People come to treatment wanting their therapist or counselor to make them happy. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make that happen, but unfortunately, I cannot.

As a mental health professional, I can help you find the tools that will help you make yourself happy, but as an outsider, I cannot make you happy. Happiness comes from within. Happiness and joy in your life comes from making the sometimes difficult choice to be happy, to make yourself happy, to do things that bring you peace and love and joy. You will never be happy or content with your life until you first decide to be happy and then choose to do things to make yourself happy.

Can others make you happy? Certainly other people can contribute to your happiness, but choose those people wisely. So often we find ourselves in toxic relationships with significant others, family members, even friends. It is okay to rid yourselves of those people who bring negativity into your life, who make you feel less than or unworthy of love and belonging, of those people who do not value you as a person.

I often say that your life is a series of choices and the choices that you have made thus far have helped create for you the life you currently are living. Are you happy in your life right now? If not, perhaps it is time to start making better choices. You can choose to bring happy into your life by making better choices. There is no law that states you must continue doing the things that no longer bring you joy simply because you are used to doing them.

What keeps you stuck in a life that leaves you unhappy or unfulfilled? More likely than not it is the choices you make, the people with whom you surround yourself and the situations in which you find yourself. If you find yourself feeling unhappy, perhaps it is time to make a change. Easier said than done, right? You do not have to change everything all at once. Start with something small. Set a new boundary with someone in your life who makes you feel unhappy, perhaps spend less time with that person. Update your resume and start looking for a new job if you are unhappy in your work. Stop using the substances that leave you feeling low about yourself.

Change starts with you. You can bring happiness into your life by making decisions that will improve your chances at creating for yourself the life you deserve. You are the architect of your life. Build something you can enjoy and of which you can be proud.

How often in our lives do we do things because we are used to doing them rather than doing them because these activities bring us joy? How often do we do things for the pure, simple joy of it?

So often people living with mental illness and substance abuse engage in behaviors simply because that is what they know. People living with addiction are so used to using a certain drug or drugs or engaging in certain behaviors that those behaviors have become part of the fabric of their selves. But what would happen if you stopped engaging in those behaviors? What are you afraid would happen if you stopped engaging in the behaviors that no longer bring you joy? Who might you become if you stopped doing the things that no longer make you happy?

I often use the phrase “comfortably uncomfortable” to describe what happens when people live in the quagmire of mental illness and substance use for so long that they can no longer even begin to imagine a different way of living. The behaviors we engage in when we are living with depression, anxiety or addiction can keep us stuck in those illnesses. What would happen if we stopped engaging in the behaviors that keep us ill and instead started behaving differently? What would happen if you started doing things that actually brought you joy?

Sometimes finding things that bring joy when you are living with mental illness or addiction can be difficult. We grow accustomed to the behaviors that have kept us ill and it can be difficult to remember what made us happy before the illness took hold of our bodies, minds and souls. What brought you joy when you were a child? It is okay to practice those behaviors as an adult. Did you enjoy playing outside? Did you enjoy coloring? Did you enjoy being with your friends? Try getting outside in nature for 30 minutes a day. Purchase an adult coloring book and some colored pencils or markers and color again. Meet up with some friends for a cup of coffee.

Our lives consist of a series of choices that result in the behaviors we engage in. If you want a better life, you have to make better choices and start behaving in ways that bring you joy. Find what makes you truly happy and do more of that.

I am generally not a fan of memes, however there is one out there I appreciate. It says something to the effect of “If you do not like where you are, move. You are not a tree.”

There is something to be said in this, but sometimes moving is easier said than done. So often, people come to treatment wanting to see a change in their lives or situations. People come to treatment because something in their lives is not working, be it a relationship, work, a memory that keeps them stuck in the past or substance use. People want something to be different in their lives so that they can move forward.

What many people do not realize or understand is that what needs to change for their situation to improve more often than not is them. We have to change if we want our situations to improve. Either we have to change how we are reacting to something or someone or we have to change our behavior.

But change is difficult. Making our way to treatment is the first step in changing ourselves, but we have to be willing to do the work of treatment before change can happen. Anyone can come to treatment and talk about their problems, but in telling our stories we have to come to the realization that we are the solution to our problems. Our therapists and counselors can point us in the right direction, but we have to summon the courage to make the changes in our lives that will move us forward.

Change can be frightening for us, though. There is another meme I appreciate, it says something like, “Change is scary, but you know what is even scarier? Regret.” I truly believe this is true. You can stay in the same place because it has become comfortably uncomfortable, or you can seek treatment and do the work of recovery to move forward in your life and find your way to mental wellness and out of addiction. Are you ready to make the changes you need to create for yourself the life you deserve? Are you ready to be the change you need in your own life?