In my work, I encounter many people living with depression, anxiety, substance use, eating disorders and trauma. So many of the people I have the pleasure of meeting struggle with feelings of sadness, worthlessness, anger and anxiety. What often keeps them stuck in those feelings is them holding on to things that have happened in the past.

I have met so many people who hold on to feelings of sadness and anger about things that happened yesterday, days ago, weeks ago, even years ago. More often than not, these are things that they no longer can do anything about. It is time to let those things go. Why hold onto something that happened so long ago unless there is something you can do about it today, now in this moment? Why let yesterday ruin your today?

When you allow the past to have control over your now, you give power to things over which you no longer have control. The only things you have control over now are those things that currently are happening. The only thing you have control over is the way you react to the things that are happening now. And you have the power to control how you react to things, people and situations that are happening right now. Why waste your time and emotional energy on something that happened in the past?

You have the power to own your now, to own your today. What can you do with your today to ensure your happiness? Can you let go of the things that happened yesterday, a week ago, a year ago, a decade ago? Can you focus your energy on creating for yourself the best today you can imagine? You deserve a life full of happiness, but you have to work toward creating that happiness. Holding onto something that happened yesterday will only keep you stuck in the feelings of yesterday. Feelings are temporary and situations can change in a heartbeat. Focus on what is happening now, in this moment, and own your today.

In my work, I meet a lot of children who have, for lack of better terms, become addicted to their devices, be they telephones, tablets or video games or televisions in their bedrooms. I recently met one young man who admitted to playing video games for five hours after school every day. His mother had become concerned because her son was playing video games instead of completing homework and now was falling behind in school.

I actually see this kind of thing quite often. I must confess, I am not a parent. However, it seems to me that many parents these days allow their children to use devices at ever younger ages. Whether that is good or bad, I am not sure. What does seem troublesome though, is the amount of time per day children are allowed to use these devices. I am seeing children being permitted to use these devices for hours upon hours per day. The use of telephones, tablets, video games and televisions can become addictions even in children. Parents, you have the right to limit the amount of time your children use these items. In fact, you should be doing so. No child should be using any of these sorts of devices for four or five hours per day.

What I see often in my work is parents who have allowed their children to use these devices for hours upon hours and now the child has become addicted to their use and the parent now is concerned. Once this happens, the parents try to take these devices away from the child and the child throws a tantrum, sometimes actually becoming violent toward the parents. This is unacceptable. Parents, you have the right to set boundaries with your children and to enforce time away from these devices. Chances are, you are paying for your child’s telephone or tablet, you have paid for the television in your child’s room and you have paid for your child’s video game console. You have every right to set time limits on their usage.

If you are having trouble setting limits and boundaries with your children, perhaps it is time to consider parenting skills classes. You must remember that you are the adult in the parent-child relationship and your child will come to respect you more if you are consistent in enforcing time limits and boundaries with them when it comes to the devices they use.

In my line of work, I often encourage people to think positively, to find the good in situations, to say “yes” to new adventures. I also sometimes must remind myself and my patients that is is perfectly okay to say “no” to things as well.

Saying “no” to things that we no longer enjoy, to people who cause us tremendous amounts of stress, to situations that put us in danger means we are setting healthy boundaries. We have every right to limit our time with people who tax us, to situations that endanger us and to things that no longer bring us joy.

Setting boundaries is a way to practice self-care. Sometimes setting boundaries means telling people we cannot accommodate their requests or perform favors for them. Sometimes setting boundaries means limiting the time we spend with people who tax us emotionally. We do not have to spend undue amounts of time with emotional vampires. We have the right to say “no.”

Saying “no” means standing up for yourself but doing so can feel as though we are hurting another person’s feelings. What we must remember is that we are responsible for our own feelings, not others’ feelings. We cannot control how others respond to our setting boundaries. We can only remember that we have the right to do so.

Saying “no” sometimes takes practice, particularly if we tend to be people pleasers. However, the more we say “no” to the things and people who no longer bring us joy, the easier it will be set healthy boundaries. And the more we set healthy boundaries, the better our mental health becomes. You are under no obligation to say “yes” to everything and everyone. You have the right to say “no” without apology.