Recently, I met with a client who, at the end our session, said she enjoyed our time together because I “give off good vibes.” I certainly was happy to hear that as I would hate to come off as judgemental or uncaring. I hope to come off as positive, thoughtful and understanding.

This got me to thinking about something I frequently say to myself and others. That is, “Think positive, be positive.” I frequently urge my clients to practice positive affirmations if their self-esteem is lagging. But what happens when we practice those positive affirmations and they actually make us feel worse? There comes a point when thinking positive can become toxic when we truly do not believe what we are saying to ourselves. Those positive affirmations can actually make us feel worse if we truly do not believe them. Perhaps there needs to be a middle ground between constantly thinking positive and accepting that not everything is going to go our way. There needs to be a, shall we say, happy medium.

It can be said that there is a silver lining in every cloud, but sometimes it takes more effort to see that glimmer of shining hope. And that is okay. Our minds cannot be positive in every situation, but as someone dear to me frequently says, something good usually comes out of something bad. The art of being positive lies not in believing that every situation is good, but in believing that we will be good regardless of the situation. That puts the power of remaining positive within us instead of the situation, which may in fact be bad. That means we believe in ourselves enough to know we can weather any storm.

We can admit to ourselves that a situation is not to our liking but know that regardless, we will come out victorious. Even if we fail in a situation, we can make a conscious effort to learn from our mistake or failure and come out of that situation victoriously. We still will have learned something about ourselves and how to proceed differently should that or a similar situation confront us again.

Being positive does not have to mean putting on our happy face every minute of every day. That simply is not realistic. Being positive means knowing that whatever we are confronted with, we will survive. And so far our survival rate is 100 percent. So far, we are doing pretty good. Perhaps staying positive means we have to cut ourselves a break from time to time.

Not every situation with which we are confronted is going to be good, but if we can remember that we can emerge from most situations as the victor, we can weather most storms. Certainly, some storms will knock us down. The power in positivity remains in knowing that even if we are knocked down, we can and will get up.

Today’s weather, a near-blizzard in early spring, reminds me this morning that nothing, not even anything in nature, is perfect. In early April, we Chicagoans expect the grass to be turning greener, flowers to be blooming, robins to be singing. The snow today reminds me not to expect anything, as expectation is the root of all heartache.

In remembering that nothing is perfect, I am reminded of a client with whom I was working yesterday who is constantly striving for perfection and admitted that doing so has left her perpetually feeling disappointed, depressed and anxious. She was telling me how she constantly is working to learn more, work more, do more for friends, family and home. She was telling me that striving to be perfect in everything she does has left her feeling drained and completely exhausted. I asked her what would happen if she were not perfect in all she does. Would she be any less deserving of love and belonging? She thought for a moment and then slowly shook her head “no.”

There is nothing wrong with striving to do your best at work and in your relationships, but no one should expect you to be perfect. Perfection is unattainable. Perfection is boring. We are not loved because we are perfect. We are loved because we are perfectly imperfect. It is our imperfections that make us human. No one is perfect, yet we so often expect ourselves to be perfect. We sometimes demand too much of ourselves. All we can do is out best, and that is enough.

In striving to do more, be more, to do everything perfectly, we set ourselves up for failure. We cannot be perfect in all we do. Striving for perfection is, in a way, a form of self-sabotage. Do those of us who strive for perfection think we will be more worthy if we attain the unattainable? What does it mean if we do not reach perfection? Can we learn to love ourselves even though we are not perfect? Can we accept ourselves as the wonderfully made, beautifully flawed creatures that we are?

I am not suggesting that we strive for mediocrity. Absolutely, try to do your best for you and for others, but remember that nothing in life is perfect. Doing more, working more, will not make you perfect. We were not born to be human doings, we were born to be human beings and human beings are not perfect. We never were meant to be.

What can yo do today to show yourself some love simply for being human, for being wonderful and flawed and still worthy of love and belonging? What would happen if you just loved yourself for simply being human?

I recently spoke with someone who said he is tired of feeling sick and tired all the time but did not know what to do to change his life. I suggested perhaps starting therapy and he said he did not want to have to drive very far to get help. I understand that. The last thing you want to do when getting out of bed is the most you are capable of is drive far to see a therapist.

However, if you want to change your life, you must take steps to change it. Change does not come for free, nor does it happen through wishful thinking. What are you willing to do to improve your own life? Are you ready to do the work of therapy to become the person you always were meant to be and live the life that you deserve?

I have said it before and will continue to say so: Recovery is work and it requires daily effort. In order for you to live your best life, you must be the thing that changes. More often than not, the things around you do not change. You must take steps to change yourself and your life. What are you prepared to do? What are you willing to do?

Recovery often involves more than simply talking to a therapist or counselor. Oftentimes, recovery means meeting with a primary care physician or psychiatrist to discuss how medication might be employed in your wellness plan. Perhaps you also need to change your diet and start incorporating physical activity into your recovery. Mental wellness and physical wellness are tied together. What are you willing to do to improve your life?

Many people who come to therapy think their therapist or counselor will give them the answers they seek. We can help you find the answers, but more often than not, the answers are inside you. Let’s work on finding those answers together. What can you do to help find the answers? Your life is entirely up to you but we can help you build the life you deserve. What are you willing to do?

If you are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, there are steps you can take to feel better about yourself and your life. Reach out. There are people who are willing and able to help you. Take small steps to improve your diet. Speak with your doctor about starting an exercise program. And ask yourself: What am I willing to do to improve my own life?