So often in my line of work, I meet individuals or couples who want to improve their lives or relationships. People come to me seeking to relieve themselves of the emotional pain they are enduring or to find a way to reconnect to their partners. They come to me seeking answers, to find hope for a better future, to find a way to improve their lives.

What some people fail to understand is that creating a better future or improving a relationship takes work. Often, people hope that this can be done in just a few short hours, when in reality, this can take several weeks, if not months. And individuals and couples have to be willing to put in the work of therapy to find the answers they are seeking, to improve their lives and relationships. Change can happen but it usually does not come easy and it does not come without them working on their own behalf.

I have said it before and will say it again and again, therapy and recovery works if you work it. You have to be willing to put in the time and effort of therapy if you want therapy to work for you. You have to be willing to actually come to therapy, to do the homework your counselor assigns and to be willing to talk about the things that are troubling you. Anyone can come to treatment but recovery comes down to what you are willing to do to make your life and your relationships better. It isn’t just how bad you want to see something change, it comes down to what you are willing to do, what effort you are willing to put in, what you can do to improve your own life, situation or relationship.

Anyone can come to treatment and talk about the weather, sports or current affairs with their counselor, and these things can be good ice breakers to start a therapy session. But when a client spends the entire hour talking about anything and everything but himself or the couple, I begin to wonder what really is going on with that couple or person. Why do you not want to talk about yourself or your relationship? Are you not willing to work on yourself or your union? Why? Are you not really ready to commit to the work of therapy?

Finding your way to happiness, finding answers to the problems or questions that have left you feeling down is work. Recovery is work and takes daily effort and a commitment to come to therapy willing to talk about what ails you. Your counselor cannot read your mind; you actually have to share what is going on with you before problems can be solved. What are you willing to do in your therapy sessions and between visits with your counselor to improve your life and relationships?