You hear it every day: someone making a disparaging comment about another person, someone calling another person a nasty name, someone being rude to another human being for no apparent reason. What causes this? Usually, it is us judging someone harshly for one reason or another.

When we judge another person, call that person a name out loud or even in our own minds, we cast that person in shame. And usually when we judge another, it means that there is a part of us, something in our own life, that is unhealed, something that needs tending to or mending. Sometimes the thing that needs healing is our own hurt, our own pain, something in us that is broken.

I am working with a young woman who frequently calls people in her life nasty names for using substances. This woman is recovering from her own substance use disorder but continues to abuse alcohol. She is not fully healed, which is why it is easy for her to label those in her life who continue to use names like “stoner” and “druggie.” She has not fully recovered from her own substance use disorder so is not coming from a place of love when dealing with those in her life who continue to struggle. It is easy to judge others, but perhaps in fact we are projecting our own feelings toward ourselves onto those around us.

If we try to remember that most everyone is dealing with something about which we may know little or nothing, it is considerably harder to judge others. If we come from a place of love, it is more difficult to cast others in a bad light. This is something everyone can work on, as we all likely find ourselves sometimes judging others. Instead of judging others, perhaps we can laud them for efforts made toward creating for themselves a better life. Perhaps we can offer congratulations for navigating a difficult life challenge. Perhaps we can lift someone up in good thoughts or prayer if you are so inclined instead of judging something in someone else.

When we come from a place of love, we are reminded that we, too, are flawed, perfectly imperfect creatures simply trying our best to make it through whatever struggle we are facing. Others are struggling, as well. No one’s life is perfect. We all are just trying to do our best with what we have. What can you do today to try to step away from judgement and lift others up in thought and deed?