I recently began working with a young man who last year endured a severe trauma at his workplace and now is living with symptoms of PTSD, depression and anxiety. The fellow reported that he no longer feels like himself, as though he lost himself. He said that he wants to get back to himself. However, he also seems unwilling to complete any of the assignments I have given him that I believe would help him find himself again.

My work with him reminds him of a meme I saw not too long ago that stated, “If at first you don’t succeed, try doing what your social worker told you to do in the first place.” I hope to help this young man find his way from mental illness to mental wellness, but I cannot do the work of recovery for him. My work with him also reminds me of the exposure therapy seminars I recently attended and the concept of want versus willing. I am starting to wonder what this young man is willing to do to move from illness to wellness.

I have said it before and will repeat it here: Anyone can come to treatment but you have to be willing to do the work of recovery to move from mental illness to mental wellness. What are you willing to do to get well and stay well? Recovery from depression, anxiety, PTSD, substance use disorders and eating disorders is about more than just wanting to get well. Recovery is about doing the work of therapy to get well and stay well. What are your coping skills? What can you do to take control of your life to get well?

The fellow I am working with once was a boxer and weight lifter but has given up those activities since his traumatic event at work. I suggested that perhaps he could go to the gym and lift weights for just 15 minutes, just to see how it felt. Could he just try it? No. What about taking a few boxing classes? No. What about taking a martial arts class? No. Well, what about going for a walk for 30 minutes with your wife and baby daughter? Maybe. All I ask is that you try. I cannot wave a magic wand and make you better; you have to be willing to participate in your own recovery to get well and stay well.

I understand that one of the hardest parts of recovery is admitting you need help and getting yourself out the door and to your counselor. I applaud anyone who takes those first steps as that takes a lot of courage. Now, can you take another step and perhaps try to do the thing your social worker recommended in order to move toward wellness? All you have to do is try. If that does not work, there are other things we can try to help you. But, if you never try, you never know. Just give it a shot. Maybe, just maybe, you will start to feel a little bit better day by day.

 

 

 

Yesterday, I attended the second of two seminars regarding exposure therapy, which can be a useful tool in treating anxiety disorders and other mental illnesses, such as obsessive compulsive disorder. Exposure therapy requires those willing to participate to incrementally face their fears until they can manage the anxiety surrounding them. It can be a useful tool in one’s arsenal in battling mental illness.

Living with anxiety or OCD can be crippling, leaving those who suffer with symptoms such as racing thoughts, heart palpitations, sweating, dizziness and shortness of breath. Exposure therapy can help those living with anxiety, OCD or other mental illnesses manage those symptoms. I have repeatedly said that recovering from mental illness takes work and requires daily effort. Recovery takes commitment to the idea that you are in control of your thoughts, your life and your future. Recovery takes commitment to the idea that your future can be one of mental wellness. You cannot just want to get better; you have be willing to do the work of recovery to get better.

One of the ideas that resonated with me during this two-part workshop on exposure therapy is the concept of want versus willing. What are you willing to do in order to move from mental illness to mental wellness? What steps are you wiling to take to get well and stay well? Your mental health counselor can walk with you as you take these steps, but she or he cannot walk the walk for you. Rest assured, though, that your counselor never will ask you to do anything he or she is not willing to do, as well.

As part of our training yesterday, seminar participants were asked to go on a sort of exposure scavenger hunt where we were required to accomplish tasks many people likely would not want to do, such as touch both the outside and inside of a Dumpster and then touch our faces and not then decontaminate. We also were asked to hug a port-a-potty and not wash our hands. Other tasks included working with a sales clerk in a store for a good time and then not purchase anything, purchasing items in a store and then immediately returning them and standing outside a train station and asking a stranger where the train station was. These are tasks many people have trouble with as they can cause anxiety. We completed these tasks not because we wanted to, but because we were willing to put ourselves in the shoes of people living with anxiety disorders. Want versus willing. What are you willing to do to move past your fears? Many of the tasks we were asked to accomplish were uncomfortable, but not dangerous. Discomfort usually does not mean danger. Facing things that are uncomfortable can make us stronger and help move us toward mental wellness.

If you are someone who is living with anxiety, OCD or other mental illnesses, ask yourself what you are willing to do to move from illness to wellness? What can you do to arm yourself with the tools needed to become well and stay well? What small steps can you take to create for yourself a life worth living? What fears are you willing to face?

 

How often in our daily lives do we find ourselves beating our selves up for what we perceive as transgressions, mistakes, for procrastinating, for not crossing everything off on our to-do lists? How often do we feel like we have failed not just ourselves but everyone around us? What would happen if instead of cruel self-flagellation we gave ourselves credit for the things we have accomplished, for the kind words we have spoken to ourselves and others, for the good deeds we have done?

We usually are our own worst critics and often say things to ourselves that we never would say to friends or loved ones. What would happen if we started to speak kindly and with love toward ourselves? It is possible that you have spent years beating yourself up, even hating yourself for not being “perfect.” What would happen if you started loving yourselves instead? Self-hatred offers no chance for you to grow and become the person you always were meant to be, but self-love can help you blossom.

Practicing self-love can be difficult and seem awkward at first, but I promise the more you do it, the easier it becomes. I frequently suggest to my clients that they practice by writing on a mirror a positive self-affirmation and repeating it aloud when getting ready in the morning and when cleaning up before bed. It may seem silly at first, but the more you practice saying kind things about yourself aloud, the more you will come to believe that you are good and kind and worthy of love and belonging simply for being human.

None of us is perfect, but few of us is as bad as we sometimes think we are. Start giving yourself credit for your accomplishments and celebrate them. Beating yourself up rarely motivates us into changing but loving yourself can work wonders. It is by loving ourselves that we can come to accept our flaws and realize that we are perfectly imperfect beings capable of becoming the people we always wanted to be. What can you do today to show yourself some love? How can you begin to practice self-love and move toward becoming the person you want to be?

I recently started working with a young man who endured a very serious traumatic event and now is living with post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and anxiety as a result. The fellow is feeling as though he has lost himself because of what happened to him about a year ago and recently wondered aloud to me if he is some kind of “freak” for feeling the way he does. I tried to assure him that considering what he went through, his feelings are completely normal.

Everyone responds to traumatic events differently; there is no right or wrong way to respond to something horrible that happens to you. I told the fellow I am working with that one in five people live with mental illness and that millions of people live with depression every year. According to some statistics, some seven to eight people out of every 100 in the United States struggle with PTSD.

When the body is confronted with a traumatic event, the body engages the fight-flight-freeze response. It is something your body uses to protect you from danger. When you feel threatened physically or emotionally, the fight-flight-freeze response is automatically triggered and several feelings can arise, including increased heart rate, dizziness, shaking, racing thoughts, nausea, sweating, difficulty concentrating, rapid breathing and tensed muscles. These feelings are a normal response to danger and having one or more of these feelings does not make you a freak. Everyone will experience the fight-flight-freeze response at times to varying degrees.

Oftentimes, people who survive a traumatic event find themselves second-guessing their response to the trauma, even blaming themselves for what happened. What I try to remind people who have survived something horrible is that something bad happened to them, that does not make you bad. You are not the event that happened to you. You are a survivor, a warrior. It is not uncommon for the body to remember what happened and re-engage the fight-fight-freeze response when you encounter similar situations or reminders of the event; this is normal but the response can dissipate over time.

Working through a traumatic event can take time but by practicing coping skills like deep breathing and other relaxation techniques, the body can learn to adapt to triggers. Working with a therapist or counselor can help you navigate the feelings and emotions you are enduring because of the trauma. A therapist or counselor can help you develop coping skills that you can employ when facing reminders of the event you endured. If you have suffered a traumatic event and are finding difficulty navigating the feelings associated with it, please reach out to someone who can help. You do not have to suffer in silence. You do not have to try to recover from what happened on your own. There are people who can help you through this. There are people who care.