I recently started working with a young lady who lives with profound depression and is plagued with near-constant thoughts of suicide. She told me she sees no point to her life, no point to living because she cannot fathom the idea of ever being happy, of ever finding happiness.

This young lady lives with perpetual negative thinking and frequently beats herself up for making any kind of mistake. There are few things she likes about herself or her life. She does not enjoy her job but is taking college courses working toward a better career. She is in a relationship but has convinced herself her young man is ready to leave her at any moment. While he is supportive, she suspects he will tire of her. She cannot find happiness in much of anything.

She has felt this way for so long, she cannot see her way out of it. She has become comfortably uncomfortable in her depression. She asked me what is the point in trying to be happy when sadness always returns. I suggested that perhaps one has to have the dark days in order to appreciate the light. She paused for a moment and smiled at that thought.

In speaking with this young woman, she admitted that she chooses to remain sad, that she can make herself feel sadness even when she is having better days. I suggested to her that perhaps, if she can choose sadness, she can choose happiness. Another small smile came to her face. Can you choose happiness? Can you choose the way you feel? To some extent, I believe this is true. Certainly, chemical imbalances can contribute to depression. Medication can help with that. But also contributing to one’s outlook on life is the way one looks at things. If you look for darkness, certainly darkness will be there. If you look for light, light will be there. The choice is up to you.

I suggested this young lady start looking for the light by using a gratitude journal. Start by thinking of three things that happened during the day for which you are thankful. These three things do not have to be big things; they can be small things. Perhaps you enjoyed a good cup of coffee or tea in the morning. Perhaps your hair turned out just right. Perhaps the sun was shining today. Perhaps there were beautiful flowers to see on your way to work. You might not like your job, but perhaps you can be thankful for being employed. Perhaps you do not have a great car, but maybe your car gets you from Point A to Point B. Be thankful for that. Perhaps you received a text message from a friend or loved one. Be thankful for that. Practicing gratitude helps you find the good in your day and gratitude is the birthplace of joy.

Certainly, you can look for the bad in your days. That is a choice. It might take a little more effort to see the good, but with practice it will become habit and joy will return to your life. You can choose to stay comfortably uncomfortable in your sadness, or you can choose to let happiness into your life. The choice is yours.