It has been said that when we judge others, we do so from a place in our hearts, souls and minds that is broken, that needs attention and healing. When we judge others, we sometimes criticize them for things that we find in ourselves to be loathsome.

When we find ourselves condemning substance users as “stoners,” “potheads” or “boozers,” we may be in fact judging ourselves for our own current or past substance use. When we criticize others for being overweight, we may be feeling heavy our out-of-shape ourselves. When we call someone “stupid,” we may be feeling less intelligent than others. When we call someone “lazy,” we may be feeling as though we could do more. We judge others when we ourselves are hurting.

So it seems with two young ladies I am working with. One is early in her recovery from substance use disorder and frequently calls those in her life who continue to use “potheads” and “stoners.” She herself is not yet fully healed. Another young lady I am working with frequently calls her husband, from whom she is divorcing, everything from “lazy” to “stupid.” She is hurting because of the demise of their relationship and is lashing out to protect her own feelings. She is feeling hurt and rejected.

If we try to come from a place of love for ourselves, it becomes less easy to judge others. The less harsh we are with ourselves, the less harsh we may be in thinking about or describing others. If we use with ourselves kind and loving words, it becomes easier to do so with others in our lives.  If we try to give ourselves credit for our positive attributes, it becomes easier to do so with others. And if we try to remember that others are trying to do the best they can with what they have right now, it becomes more difficult to judge them on what we may perceive as their shortcomings.

Judging others less starts with being kind and gentle with yourself. What can you do today to try to remember that everyone is doing the best they can? What can you to do today to try to be less judgemental of others in your life?