I am not a particularly religious person but find myself wanting to participate in the tradition of giving up something for Lent. Like many people, I first thought of giving up something unhealthy, such as bad-for-me food or an indulgent treat. But, a few years ago I decided that instead of giving up something like that, I would give up self-hate, self-loathing and cruel self-talk. I think it is time to try that again.

That is not to say I am not also giving up salty snacks, but perhaps the salt I should be giving up is in the way I talk to myself. For Lent this year, I will give up calling myself derogatory names and instead practice self-kindness. I have done this in the past and found it not just terribly difficult after a lifetime of berating myself but also terribly rewarding.

However, merely substituting “darling” for “dumbass” is not enough. If I use “darling” with the same self-contempt that I had been using “dumbass,” doing so defeats the purpose. The idea is to come to love myself more when Lent comes to an end. This may sound mighty self-serving, but my ultimate hope is that in coming to love myself more, I can project that love onto others more and in more meaningful ways.

I want this experiment in giving up self-loathing to translate into my being kinder, more compassionate and more accepting of others. I want this experiment in giving up self-loathing to help me become a better person not just for myself but for my friends, family and even strangers. I want this experiment in giving up self-loathing to translate into my being less judgemental not just of myself but of all those around me. I want this experiment in giving up self-loathing to translate into me being the kind of person who projects love to all around me.

I urge you to consider that either instead of or in addition to giving up something more tangible for Lent that you walk with me and also give up self-loathing. The more you come to love yourself, the easier it will be to love others in selfless ways. We cannot give love to others until and unless we have love to give. Love of self is not selfish. Love of self allows us the opportunity to offer love to those around us in unconditional ways that leave the world a better place.