I have been working on and off with a young man who is having difficulty embracing change in his life. He is unhappy with where he is in several arenas but cannot commit to making the changes he seems to want to make in order to lead a happier, healthier life.

He is in the contemplation stage of change. Social workers and other mental health professionals often gauge a person’s readiness for change by examining where someone is in the stages of change, of which there are five:

• Precontemplation: The costs of the problem are not yet recognized. The person is in complete denial and not considering any kind of change at this point. The person may have made previous attempts at change but has given up at this point.

• Contemplation: The person is ambivalent about change but can see reasons to change his or her behavior. The problem behavior continues.

• Preparation: The person has decided to change his behavior and begins to think about how to go about doing so. During this stage, the person will begin to make small changes to support a healthy goal but likely will not have completely ceased the problem behavior.

• Action: The person is taking significant steps to change the problem behavior. The person might be avoiding triggers, reaching out for help or taking other steps to change and avoid temptation.

• Maintenance: The changes made during the action stage are maintained. The person may continue to face challenges but at this point has successfully changed his behavior for a sustained period of time.

There can be a sixth stage, of relapse, where the person re-engages in the problem behavior and then begins the steps again. Some people believe that relapse in inevitable, but it does not have to be. If you find yourself tempted to re-engage in the problem behavior, think about why you made the change in the first place.

The young man I am working with seems to feel that change is more frightening than continuing to practice the problem behaviors and staying where he is at. I gently reminded him that the only thing scarier than change is regret. I also tried to help him realize that he deserves better than the life and pathway for which he has settled. He deserves better but only he can create for himself the life he hopes to be living.

What small steps can you take to create for yourself the life you deserve? Are you ready to make some changes that will mean for you a happier, healthier life?