Since the outbreak of COVID-19 and the ensuing uncertainty and chaos, I frequently have found myself wondering how this is changing our realities and what meaning can come out of all of this. I frequently have found myself wondering what this global pandemic is teaching me. I hope that it is teaching me to be a better person, a better human.

In my work as an outpatient mental health counselor, I have been helping a fellow who feels that since the shelter-in-place order was issued that his life is now on hold. I repeatedly have urged him to find ways to take care of himself, of his physical and mental health. Today we spoke at some length of how this pandemic is changing our lives, how it likely will mean a new normal and how we can find meaning in everything that is happening. We spoke about how this pandemic can offer everyone a chance to decide who they want to be when this is all over.

Everyone deals with chaos and catastrophe, panic and uncertainty in his own way. My hope is that through all of is, we find our purpose. My hope is that through all of this we find meaning in our lives. My hope is that this pandemic teaches us who and what is important to us.

We have options in all of this. One option is to throw in the towel, find a comfy place on the sofa, eat Oreos and just camp out until some kind of normal returns. Or, we can take charge of our lives and work on becoming who we always were meant to be. We can take this time of chaos and catastrophe to discover and determine who we really want to be, who we really are. My hope is that you choose the latter. My hope is that you take some time during all of this to decide who you want to be and work on becoming that person.

Of course, the question is, how to do this? How do you come out of this a better person? The person you always were meant to be? There are options. One is finding a way to give back to your community. Can you volunteer in some way? Can you donate meals, time or money to help those in need? Can you offer to pick up groceries for an elderly or at-risk neighbor? Can you find an online community with whom to connect, be it a church group, book club, AA group or NAMI online support group? Another way to work on becoming who you want to be is to take some time to write down on a piece of paper what you want your life to look like when this is all over. What matters to you? What are your values? Who is important to you? What sorts of things can you do to take care of your mental and physical health? What activities do you enjoy and how can you incorporate those into your daily life?

One of the things that this pandemic has taught me so far is who and what is important to me. I frequently am reminded that there are some things in life that are important to me: my health, the health of my spouse, family and friends, connection to those I love and cherish. What is important to you? How can you make sure those you love and care about know they are important to you? What really matters in your life? Are there things, be they material objects or people, you can rid yourself of to free up space in your head and heart for people and things that really matter? Perhaps this pandemic is teaching you who you really need in your life and why.

This time of quarantine can be meaningful if you allow it to. You can find meaning and purpose through all of this if you allow yourself the opportunity to take some time to discover who you are, what is important to you, what really matters. When this is all over and some new normal comes into existence, who do you want to be? My hope is that you want to be a better version of yourself, a healthier, happier person whose life is full of meaning and purpose.

This is hard, this quarantine during COVID-19. So many of us are struggling to make it through yet another day at home, struggling to maintain some semblance of normal or perhaps are trying to create a new normal. So many of us are struggling just to keep it together. In a time when the days seem to be blending together, when we might not even know what day it is anymore, it can be difficult to take time to take care of yourself.

As we end yet another week of social distancing, I see so many people posting on social media about eating and drinking more, abandoning any kind of sleep hygiene and neglecting to take care of their bodies and that leaves me concerned. While I understand how difficult it can be to take care of yourself when you also are trying to work from home, manage kids’ remote learning and put food on the table, it is important to remember that it still is important to take care of yourself.

Some people may be wondering what point there is in taking care of yourself during all of this? What does it really matter if I eat healthy and exercise, maintain good sleep/wake schedules and practice good hygiene when the world has turned upside down? Why should I bother to put on pants when I am not leaving the house? Those are valid issues. But, it also is important to remember that if you fail to take care of you, it will be more difficult to take care of your loved ones.

I urge you to continue to prepare healthy meals, stay hydrated, exercise when you can and get good sleep. I know this may be especially difficult during these challenging times. Still, I am reminded of something I read: If you don’t take care of your body, where are you going to live?

Now is not the time to indulge more in unhealthy food and alcohol and drugs. Doing so not only will ultimately make you feel worse in the long run, but drinking or using drugs more often easily could put you at risk for developing a substance abuse problem. I understand the desire to make yourself feel better about the pandemic, but using alcohol or other drugs more likely could cause all kinds of trouble.

I know it seems as though we have been in quarantine for what seems like forever already and it may seem as though this may never end. My hope is that it will and that if we continue to take good care of ourselves. we all will come out of this with our health. If we practice good habits now, it will be easier to stay on track once things return to normal. The more we go off the rails, the harder it will be to get ourselves back on track. So, take care of you the best you can during these challenging times.

 

 

 

I find myself sitting here thinking this Easter Sunday morning of all the people for whom this is a very special day. I find myself thinking about all the people, myself included, who cannot be with their families, friends or church folk on this day. And I find myself feeling sadness, loss and a bit of grief over what COVID-19 has taken from all of us.

I recently listened to another episode of Brene Brown’s podcast, Unlocking Us, during which she speaks with grief expert David Kessler about grief and loss and I am reminded that what many of us may be feeling during this global health crisis is, indeed, loss. So many of us have lost a great deal since we have been ordered to shelter in place. Not only have we lost some semblance of normal, but many of us have lost jobs, physical human contact, going to school in person, loved ones to the virus and so many other things we may not even have realized until recently. It is okay to grieve those losses.

I have spoken about grief on this site previously. We all grieve in our own way. I am reminded that none of us grieves in exactly the same way. I urge you to be compassionate with your fellow humans as they maneuver this difficult time. Not everyone may be reacting to this pandemic the same way you are. Some people may be having more difficulty processing what they have lost right now. Now is not the time to judge how someone else is handling all of this. Now is the time to rise up in love and understanding and kindness toward your fellow humans. Now is the time to practice compassion.

Grief wears many different faces and none of us is to say how another grieves is right or wrong. We all go through the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, meaning making) in our own ways and in our own time. There is no timetable on grief, no expiration date. Grieve in your own way, at your own pace.

I will continue to urge you to reach out to your people via phone calls, text messages and/or video chats to stay connected. We are wired for connection and reaching out to those you love will help you maintain a sense of belonging. Reaching out to those you love will help you manage feelings of grief and loss. While we may not be able to be physically present with some of our family and friends, we can let those we love know not just that we love them, but that we need them. Tell your people how much they mean to you, that you care and that you are there for them.

And, if you find yourself needing extra support during these difficult times, reach out to a mental health professional. Many therapists, counselors and clinicians continue to meet with those in need in person, via video or by telephone during this time. Take care of you, of your feelings and emotions. Allow yourself time to grieve the loss of what once was.

 

 

Yesterday, feeling a bit overwhelmed by what seems a continuous onslaught of bad news about the global health crisis we are in, I took some time out to listen to a podcast by my social work hero, Brene Brown. In it, she urges us to remember that for many of us, this is our first pandemic and with that comes feelings of uncertainty. I think most of us can relate.

Brown talks about leaning into that uncertainty and all the other feelings you might be grappling with at this time. As a social worker myself, I have met with clients all of whom have had different reactions to COVID-19. Some of my clients are choosing to remain calm while others are in full panic mode. As Brown says in her podcast, it is important to recognize what you are feeling and name those feelings. By naming those feelings, we take back our power over those feelings.

It is perfectly okay to feel many different things all at once about this pandemic. Many of us are experiencing things we may never have felt before. And that, too, is okay. Our feelings may be changing frequently, by the hour, day or week. As we shelter in place for at least another month, our feelings of loneliness and isolation may be increasing. Recognize and name those feelings, and then deal with them. What can you do to stay connected to your people, your family and friends? Remembering that your loved ones are a phone call, video chat or text message away can help manage those feelings of loneliness and isolation.

It is perfectly okay to not know how to handle what is going on in the world right now. Many of us do not know what to tell our families, our children. This is all new for us. This is, for most of us, our first time dealing with anything like this. It is okay to not have all the answers. Lean into that discomfort and learn to accept uncertainty as these are most definitely uncertain times.

Whatever you are feeling is perfectly fine. You are entitled to your feelings. That being said, remember that feelings are just visitors; let them come and go. If you allow yourself to wallow in feelings of despair, loneliness or isolation, you run the risk of developing symptoms of depression and anxiety. Take time to take care of yourself. Practice good self-care. If you do not take care of yourself during this pandemic, it will be difficult to take care of those you love. Make some time for you, for your mental health and your physical health. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

Most of all, practice self-love and self-compassion. Allow yourself to feel without getting bogged down in your feelings. And, if you are feeling overwhelmed, reach out to a mental health professional. Many therapists and counselors continue to meet with people via telehealth or telephone, or even in person if you are not symptomatic. Reach out. There are people who want to help you get through this.