Yesterday, feeling a bit disconnected in the midst of the global health crisis that is the COVID-19 pandemic I started reading Vivek H. Murthy, MD’s book “Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World.” Just one chapter in and I see not just myself in this book but so many others, as well.

So many of us are feeling lonely, disconnected and alone during this time of quarantine. So many of us are longing for connection. So many of us are feeling isolated. While we may be able to reach out to our loved ones via phone calls, text messages and video chats, these things do not completely replace being in physical presence with our family and friends. It helps, but still is not the same.

My hope is that we can be with our loved ones soon. Until then, this may be a good time to think about what you really are missing when not with those you love. Feeling lonely and isolated can mean so many things, but perhaps what is happening is that we are feeling unheard and unseen, disconnected emotionally. Loneliness often means that our emotional needs are not being met, that we are not being seen for our true selves. But, how do we fix this when we cannot be with those we love, our dearest friends and family?

I wonder if part of the answer is to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. What might happen if we reached out to our loved ones and told them exactly what we are feeling? What might happen if we told our loved ones that we are feeling isolated, unheard and unseen? What might happen if were to tell our loved ones that we are feeling fragile, frightened and fearful? For so many of us, our first response to those questions may be to say we might be rejected and then left feeling even more alone. But, what if our loved ones were to respond that they are feeling the same way? My suspicion is that many of us are feeling this way but that because of the fear of being rejected, we do not share our true feelings.

It takes a lot of courage to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Vulnerability feels scary, largely in part because we do not want to be rejected. Being rejected makes us feel even more isolated and alone. But I believe that many of us are feeling somewhat frightened right now because of the pandemic. Many of us are feeling uncertainty about what is going on and what the future may hold. Many of us are longing for some kind of normal, whatever normal means to us. What might happen if we allowed ourselves to be fully seen and heard and voiced those concerns? Perhaps we might forge stronger connections with those we love. Perhaps we might come to a better understanding not just of ourselves but of our loved ones.

While we continue to shelter in place for at least a few more weeks, think about ways you can connect with others on an emotional level if you are feeling lonely. Think about what you truly are feeling and summon the courage to share those feelings with trusted others. I suspect you will find that you are, in fact, not alone in feeling the way you do. I suspect many of us are feeling the same way. I know I am.