It has been a very strange year so far. For so many people, the year 2020 has meant a loss of work, a disconnect from friends, family and other loved ones. This year has meant spending many hours alone at home for so many people. This year has left many people wanting what at first blush feels like attention but what may, in fact, be a longing for connection. But how do you satisfy that need when many of us still are in some kind of quarantine?

One of the things I frequently find myself encouraging clients to do is really get in touch with what they truly are feeling. You may think what you need is attention but what you really may be craving is a conversation with a loved one or physical touch from your partner or family member or friend. What may at first seem like a need for attention may be something deeper. It may be that you are feeling lonely, disconnected and in need of human contact. Stop for a moment when you feel compelled to post on social media seeking “likes” and really ponder what it is you are needing in that moment. Instead of seeking attention via social media, can you reach out to a friend or loved one? Can you make a call, send a text or arrange a video chat? Are you comfortable meeting in person? Think about what you really need in that moment.

So many of us are struggling right now with feeling disconnected from our people even though the area in which you live may have lifted restrictions on gatherings. You may be at a point where your comfort level is such that you feel okay meeting a few people in person while practicing social distancing. Reach out to your people and see if they might be able to meet with you for an hour or so in a responsible way. If you or they cannot meet in person, perhaps arrange a video chat. Do what you need to do to fulfill your need for connection.

This pandemic has left many of us feeling alone and lonely. I am seeing so many people who are feeling desperate for connection, desperate for human interaction. This is normal. As humans, we are wired for connection and belonging.

This longing for connection may have you feeling anxious. If so, think about ways you might calm yourself. Can you go for a walk, run or bike ride? Can you get out in nature? Can you read a good book or watch a movie? What coping skills can you employ to ease your anxiety? Can you practice deep breathing by breathing in for four seconds, holding your breath for four seconds, exhaling for four seconds and holding your breath again? I have found this breathing technique very calming.

It is important during these uncertain times to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. If are having trouble getting in touch with your feelings, if you are feeling overwhelmed by your feelings, reach out to a trusted other or mental health professional. And if you are starved for connection, reach out to your people. Chances are, they are longing for connection, too.

I saw something the other day that made me think long and hard about what this time of COVID-19 is offering us all. Namely, a chance to slow down and re-examine what we want our lives to look like and who we want to be on the other side of this. Perhaps the world has slowed so we can rediscover who we are and who we want to be.

I have been working with several clients in recent weeks who have been furloughed because of the pandemic and have found that without their work, they really are not sure who they are. Their work has become who they are and now, without that, they are not sure who they are. So many of us identify ourselves by our jobs and without that come to question who we are. But we are so much more than what we do for a living. I have asked each of these folks to describe themselves for me and each has come up with words such as kind, caring, compassionate, thoughtful, loyal and smart. None of my clients have actually described themselves by what they do for a living.

Perhaps by describing themselves with adjectives such as kind, caring, compassionate, thoughtful, loyal and smart, they can get a better idea of who they really are and who they want to be. Perhaps they want to be more of these things. Perhaps this time of COVID-19 is allowing them to be more of these things.

So many of the people I am working with feel they have lost themselves since the pandemic started. I wonder if, in fact, they are rediscovering who they are before work took over their lives. I wonder if, in fact, they are finding themselves to be more of who they really are. Or, perhaps they are learning who they want to be.

We can use this time of uncertainty to really examine our lives and ourselves and I encourage my clients to do just that. Perhaps now more than ever we can take the time to think about what really matters to us, who really matters to us. Perhaps now more than ever we can take the time to think about what really is important to us, what makes our lives better and what we can rid ourselves of.

What are you learning about yourself during this time of uncertainty? Have you found yourself reaching out to some people more than others? Have you found yourself distancing yourself from people who you no longer enjoy? Have you found yourself participating in activities you might not have had time for before the pandemic? Have you found yourself employing new coping skills to manage symptoms of depression and anxiety? Have you found yourself more resilient that perhaps you thought you were? What is this time of COVID-19 teaching you about yourself?

Many of us may feel that if we are not working, we need to busy ourselves with tasks and projects in order to stay productive. But there is nothing wrong with taking time to just be. After all, we are human beings not human doings. What I am finding with my clients, and indeed about myself, is that this time of uncertainty is teaching people who and what is important in their lives. What is important to you? I think this time can allow us to slow down and reconsider what really matters to us, if we allow it to do so.

What can you do with this time of uncertainty? Can you allow yourself to take the time to learn about yourself, to determine who you are and who you want to be when this is over? Can you allow yourself to just be?