Yesterday on the way home from visiting a friend, I was lucky enough to stumble upon a radio show on my favorite station that was discussing the important topics of mental health and suicide. I was reminded of my own struggles with bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, anorexia and my own suicide attempts.

One of the things that struck me during the discussion about mental health and suicide is that suicide is a leading cause of death in the United States and we have seen an increase in deaths by suicide in the past year. According to the Centers for Disease Control, suicide was the 10th leading cause of death overall in the United States in 2018, claiming the lives of more than 48,000 people. Furthermore, suicide was the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 34, and the fourth leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 35 and 54. There were more than two and a half times as many suicides (48,344) in the United States as there were homicides (18,830). Remarkably sad statistics to be sure.

One might wonder how we can prevent suicide. One way is to be mindful of your feelings. Are you feeling overwhelmed with profound sadness and hopelessness? Do you feel as though your life never will get better? Do you feel as though the emotional pain you are in will never end? Are you in excruciating physical pain that seems uncontrollable? If so, know that you are not alone. As many as one in five people live with mental illness at any given time and untold number of people live with physical pain. Know, too, that it is okay to not be okay. If you are feeling desperate, if you are feeling without hope, it might be time to reach out for help.

When I was in the depths of my depression and crippled with suicidal ideation, I thought my life never would get better. What I did not realize at the time was that my life was entirely up to me. So, with the help of my psychiatrist and my therapist, I started to take steps to get the help I so desperately needed. Now, I can say that my life is exponentially better because of the steps I took to improve my circumstances and my own life. The same can be true for you.

Once you get in touch with your feelings, it will be easier to name them and, hopefully, share them with a trusted other, be that a therapist, psychiatrist, friend or family member. Sharing your feelings takes courage, as does making the decision to take the steps you need to improve your life. It will get better once you take ownership of your feelings. Remember, you do not have to be a victim of the circumstances of your life. You can be a victor, a warrior, you can overcome the dark days by seeking the light that is within you.

If you are feeling that there is no hope, please reach out to someone who is able to sit with you in your despair. Know that it takes more courage to ask for help than it does to suffer in silence. Know that when you find the courage to ask for that help, you have taken the first step in improving your life. You have taken control.

Should you need immediate assistance with suicidal thoughts or feelings, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800.273.TALK (8255) or text the Crisis Text Line at 741 741. There is always someone available to help you through the darkness.

What strange times we are living in. For so many people, the year 2020 has been a mixture of bad and good. For so many people, the year 2020 has meant feeling the gamut of emotions from awful to elated. Many people do not know what to do with those feelings.

So many of us these days are finding ourselves struggling because of the COVID-19 pandemic. So many of us these days are finding ourselves feeling things we never may have felt before. Depression, loneliness, anxiety, isolation on the negative end. Calmness, peace, happiness on the positive end. And everything in between. Many of the people I am working with cannot seem to determine exactly what they are feeling. Many are struggling to find a way to name their feelings. Still others cannot seem to allow themselves to feel at all, numbing their emotions with marijuana or alcohol or other substances.

What happens when we do not allow ourselves to feel? What happens when we work hard to “fix” our feelings? What happens when we do not allow ourselves to acknowledge our feelings, be they positive or negative? What happens when we forbid ourselves to sit with our feelings? More often than not, when we disregard our feelings for a long period of time, we become detached from ourselves, losing who we really are. More often than not, when we disregard our feelings, we become numb.

For many people, the very idea of allowing ourselves to feel emotions is at the very least challenging. We may have received messages when we were young that negative emotions were bad and needed to be changed to positive emotions. For instance, perhaps you grew up hearing that feeling angry or sad was not allowed in your family. Perhaps you were told or somehow came to the understanding that feeling anxiety or trepidation was not allowed in your family. You may have internalized the message that feeling any kind of negative emotion was bad and must be “fixed.” You may not have been allowed to feel anything but happy when you were a child. Internalizing the message that only positive emotions were allowed may have left you unable to sit with any kind of negative emotion and now, in the midst of a pandemic that has so many people feeling anxious, depressed, lonely and scared, you might not know what to do with those feelings.

Try to get at the root of why sitting with such feelings is so difficult. Naturally, sitting with such feelings can be uncomfortable. You may want to take steps to “fix” or change those feelings, to numb them. But when you numb the negative feelings, it is likely you will end up numbing the positive feelings, as well. This might leave you feeling flat or nothing at all.

As we continue to navigate this pandemic, you might find yourself overwhelmed by your feelings or overcome with emotion. I encourage you to take a few minutes to sit quietly with those feelings be they positive or negative. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Having negative emotions does not make you a bad person. We all experience sadness, anxiety and anger from time to time. This does not make you defective. This makes you human. And as a human being, you are entitled to your emotions, be they positive or negative.

If you are having trouble navigating this pandemic, if you find yourself overwhelmed with emotions you cannot seem to name, reach out to a trusted other or mental health professional. These are challenging times. It is okay to ask for help trying to determine exactly what you are feeling. It takes more courage to ask for help than it does to suffer in silence.