Over the past several years it seems as though we on so many levels have seen a swerve from treating each other with kindness, respect, dignity and compassion to treating each other with disdain, hatred and finger-pointing. I wonder what would happen if we took a turn back to treating each other with compassion and empathy.

Over the past several years, my heart has become exhausted from seeing and hearing the hate-filled rhetoric that has become so pervasive on social media and in our communities. I find hatred to be so tiresome. I find the increasing lack of compassion toward others exhausting. I find the lack of empathy for others’ thoughts and feelings wearing me down emotionally and physically.

Perhaps one of the reasons we seem to be lacking in compassion and empathy for others is because we are not quite sure what empathy looks like. Brene Brown, my social work hero, offers a good, short video explaining the difference between sympathy and empathy. I share it hear and invite you to watch:

Showing others empathy requires us to dig a little deeper and asks us to sit with others in their feelings, rather than patting someone on the back and saying, “There, there.” Offering empathy to someone who is hurting requires us to sit with others’ uncomfortable feelings in a non-judgmental way that allows our other to feel seen and heard. I wonder what our world would look like if we offered others who are hurting, others who are struggling, more compassion and empathy. I wonder what would happen if, when someone tells us she is struggling, we offer empathy instead of likening her experience to something we have been through.

One of the worst things someone can say to another who is hurting is, “I know how you feel.” No, actually, you do not know how that person feels. You can only know and really understand how someone feels if that person shares with you her thoughts and feelings. Offering compassion and empathy when she does requires us to sit with those feelings without judging her and without likening her experience to our own.

If we are to return to an era of compassion and empathy, we need to ask ourselves what we are doing to make this world a better place not just for ourselves but for those around us. Offering those around us, who are likely fighting battles we know nothing about, compassion and empathy costs us nothing. Offering compassion and empathy to those around us not only lifts up other people but helps us in the long run by allowing us to see that we are all struggling with something. Offering others compassion and empathy helps us by reminding us that we are wired for connection and that we make strong connections with others by being kind. How can you begin to offer those in your life more compassion and empathy? What can you do to show those around you that they are not alone in their struggles?