I find myself working with several clients lately who are struggling with perfectionism and am reminded that nothing in life ever is perfect. The word “perfect” often is overused to describe something or a set of circumstances, but is anything ever really perfect? Looking out my office window at a fresh blanket of cold, white snow I am reminded that nothing is perfect, not even in nature.

In remembering that nothing is perfect, I am reminded of a client with whom I am working who is constantly striving for perfection. She finally has admitted that this constant striving for perfection has left her perpetually feeling disappointed, depressed and anxious. She was telling me how she constantly is working to learn more, work more, do more for friends, family and home. She was telling me that striving to be perfect in everything she does has left her feeling drained and completely exhausted. I asked her what would happen if she were not perfect in all she does. Would she be any less deserving of love and belonging? She thought for a moment and then slowly shook her head “no.”

There is nothing wrong with striving to do your best at work and in your relationships, but no one should expect you to be perfect. Perfection is unattainable. Perfection is boring. We are not loved because we are perfect. We are loved because we are perfectly imperfect. It is our imperfections that make us human. No one is perfect, yet we so often expect ourselves to be perfect. We sometimes demand too much of ourselves. All we can do is out best, and that is enough.

In striving to do more, be more, to do everything perfectly, we set ourselves up for failure. We cannot be perfect in all we do. Striving for perfection is, in a way, a form of self-sabotage. Do those of us who strive for perfection think we will be more worthy if we attain the unattainable? What does it mean if we do not reach perfection? Can we learn to love ourselves even though we are not perfect? Can we accept ourselves as the wonderfully made, beautifully flawed creatures that we are?

I am not suggesting that we strive for mediocrity. Absolutely, try to do your best for yourself and for others, but remember that nothing in life is perfect. Doing more, working more, will not make you perfect. We were not born to be human doings, we were born to be human beings and human beings are not perfect. We never were meant to be.

What can yo do today to show yourself some love simply for being human, for being wonderful and flawed and still worthy of love and belonging? What would happen if you just loved yourself for simply being human?

We are in the third week of the new year and we continue to navigate a global health crisis that has left many of us wondering not just how much longer we can endure this but what is there for which to be thankful? So many of us are finding ourselves in a negative headspace about the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, so many of us are tired of being in quarantine, of having to stay away from family and friends, so many of us are longing for a return to “normal.” What if instead of looking at the glass, as it were, as half empty, we opted to look at the glass in a different way?

It can be difficult to try to stay positive in times like these. So many of us are experiencing a tiredness, an exhaustion, a weariness stemming from the pandemic. These feelings can leave us with a heaviness, a sadness and leave us finding it challenging to find the good in … anything. But if you really stop and take a look around, there still is good to be found. We just may have to look a little bit harder for that good. We can find the good in small things that happen to us every day. Maybe you enjoyed a really good cup of coffee or tea this morning? Chalk that up to something good. Maybe you received a phone call, text message, email or video chat invite from a friend of family member. Chalk that up to something good. Maybe you had a colleague compliment you on a task well done at work. Chalk that up to something good. Maybe you heard birds singing while you were outside today. Chalk that up to something good. The “good” things in your day do not have to be monumental; they can be the little things that we sometimes take for granted. You may have to pay more attention to those little things now than you might have pre-pandemic, but they are there. Stop and look for them.

Looking for the good in what seems to be a constant barrage of bad news and what for many has seemed a long string of bad days can be challenging. Indeed, our brains are hardwired to pay attention to the bad stuff more than the good stuff. In fact, we are 70 per cent more likely to encode the bad than we are the good. It takes more effort to find the good than it does the bad. But doing so can literally change your outlook on life. If you practice noticing the small good things, even the smallest moments of joy, you can rewire your brain to be more positive. Doing so ultimately could impact your mental health, something many of us may be struggling with during these challenging times.

Yes, we continue to do battle with the coronavirus and now its more contagious mutation. We are tired. We are longing for a return to normal, whatever normal may look like once we’re past the pandemic. That does not mean the past year has all been for naught. I suspect the past year has taught you that you are more resilient than you perhaps previously thought. Perhaps this past year has allowed you time to slow down and spend more time with your immediate family. Perhaps this past year has allowed you to find new and creative ways to keep in touch with those you do not share living space with. Perhaps this past year has helped you think about who and what is most important to you. Perhaps this past year has afforded you the time to really get to know who you are and decide who you want to be.

There is always something good that comes out of something bad. You may have to pause and think about what that good is, but it is there. Looking for it, looking on the bright side, can help improve your mental health. Doing so takes practice but I suspect you will find that with a more positive outlook on life, you will notice your mood improve dramatically. Yes, the past year has been difficult but it has not been without its good and its lessons. What have you learned about yourself, your life in the past year during this pandemic? We could choose to look as the glass of life as half empty. We could choose to look at the glass of life as half full. Or, we could really take a step back and come to the realization that that glass is refillable. The choice is up to you.