We are now just about one year into a global health crisis that has left many of us feeling overwhelmed, depressed and anxious. Many of us have found ourselves struggling to make the best of what can easily be described as a very challenging year. I frequently find myself trying to remember what this year has offered, rather than thinking about what I have been missing, and keep coming back to the idea that this past year has allowed many of us more time to focus on what is important, who is important.

And while many of us have come to learn who and what really deserves our attention, some people still struggle with the notion that among the things that deserve our attention is us, is ourselves. One year into the pandemic and I have come to realize that many of us still believe that taking care of ourselves is not necessary and so meeting our own needs still falls by the wayside. I find myself wondering why that is. Perhaps some of us do not believe that we are worthy of our own attention. Perhaps some believe that our needs do not matter. That could not be further from the truth. If we fail to take care of ourselves, it makes it that much more difficult to take care of those we love.

I was working with a client yesterday talking about what she has learned about herself during the pandemic, about what she has decided is most important in her life. Among her top priorities were work, her marriage, her friends and, finally, herself. All of these things are admirable. But I wondered what would happen if she moved herself up on that list of priorities. What happens if we make ourselves a priority? What happens if we take the time to listen to our bodies and nourish ourselves in the way we need? What happens if we take care ourselves first?

Some people believe that putting themselves first means ignoring others. That does not have to be true. Putting ourselves first can and should mean that we take care of our own needs so that we may be better able to take care of those we love. You cannot pour from an empty cup. If you do not take care of your needs, if you do not take time to nourish yourself, you run the risk of burnout and will not be able to take care of those you love. Making sure your needs are met is not selfish, it is imperative.

Some of us have trouble with the notion that it is okay to take time just for us, to rest, to take care of our minds, bodies and souls. Some of us believe that we do not deserve to have our needs met. Some of us do not believe that we are worthy of our own attention. But what happens if we go too long without meeting our needs? More likely than not we will begin to feel burned out, depressed and anxious. Taking care of ourselves can help ward off feelings of sadness, of exhaustion, of anxiety. We deserve to live a life where our needs are met and it is more than acceptable to meet those needs ourselves.

How do we meet our own needs when we have been putting others before us for so long? The best way is to get in touch with what you are feeling and that requires you to sit quietly and allow yourself to listen to your mind and your body. If you can give yourself permission to just be for a few minutes, your body will tell you what you need. It may feel uncomfortable to just sit in silence with no distractions for a few minutes but doing so will allow you to notice what you are feeling and will give you an opportunity to name that feeling. Notice without judgement what you are feeling and your body will tell you what you need. Perhaps your body is crying out to have a physical need of hunger or thirst or rest met. Perhaps your body is telling you your emotional needs are not being met. Whatever your body is telling you, try to meet that need yourself. You deserve to take care of your own needs. Taking the time to meet your own needs is not selfish. It is necessary for survival.

What can you do today to take care of yourself? What needs have gone unmet? What can you do today to meet those needs? You deserve, just as much as anybody, to meet your own needs. Notice what your body is telling you and respond appropriately. Take the time to nourish yourself.

We now are more than one year into a global health crisis that has left many of us feeling emotionally exhausted. We have become tired of being in lockdown, tired of not being able to spend time in person with family and friends, tired of having to deal with the COVID-19 pandemic. Many of us have found ourselves without employment and so have been busying ourselves at home with tasks, to-do lists and projects. All of this may have left you feeling physically and emotionally exhausted.

When our minds and bodies become exhausted, it can be difficult to enjoy life. We may lose interest in doing things that once brought us pleasure. When this happens, it may be time to stop and listen to your mind and body. Is it time to take a break? Is it time for you to rest? For so many people, giving yourself permission to rest can be very challenging. Some of us feel as though we are “lazy” if we simply stop working on our projects, checking off things on our to-do lists or completing tasks. And while that word “lazy” has only four letters, it can seem like a big word with heavy connotations. What does it mean to be or feel lazy? Does that say something about who you are as a person? What does it mean if you take a break, listen to your mind and body and simply rest?

During this pandemic, I have worked with several people who feel as though they must be constantly productive, particularly if they are not working at the moment. Some of these people are finding themselves just as exhausted as if they were working a regular 40-hour-per-week job. What causes that need to feel constantly productive? Why must we feel as though we must always be busy? What happens if we just take some time to just be? What happens if we stop the glorification of busy?

The need to feel constantly productive can leave us feeling as though we are not good enough, never doing enough, never accomplishing enough. That feeling of never enough ultimately can take a toll on your mental health, leaving you with a feeling of being less than if you are not constantly accomplishing something. Perhaps it is time to fight back against that feeling and give yourself permission to take a break, a likely much-deserved break. This pandemic has taken a toll on all of us. It is perfectly okay to stop working on tasks and projects and to rest. We all need rest. We all deserve rest, both physical rest and emotional rest. Your mind and body will tell you when it is time to take a break, if you slow down and take the time to listen to it.

Some of us find it challenging to slow down and to rest because we are afraid of what might happen if we do so. What happens if you stop and listen to your mind and body? Will you be overcome with unwanted thoughts, feelings or emotions? What happens if you allow yourself to sit with those thoughts, feelings and emotions? What happens if you allow those thoughts, feelings and emotions to come and accept them without judgement? What happens if you stop being busy long enough to hear what your mind and body are trying to tell you? What happens if you allow yourself to rest?

Resting allows us an opportunity to get in touch with what we really are thinking and feeling. For some, doing so may seem frightening as staying busy can help keep unwanted thoughts and feelings at bay. It is okay to sit with those thoughts and feelings, so that you may better come to know yourself and what you need. If we do not listen to our thoughts and feelings, our needs can go unmet. And if our needs go unmet, our physical and mental health can suffer. What can you do to take some time to rest? Can you give yourself permission to just be? Can you give yourself permission to listen to your mind and body, determine your needs and meet them yourself? Can you give yourself permission to rest?

We are coming up on Valentine’s Day, a day where we show others just how much we love them. I wonder what would happen if we showed ourselves that same love that we give so freely to others? How often do we criticize ourselves and speak to ourselves in ways we never would address friends or loved ones? How we talk to ourselves matters. Years ago, a teacher spoke to me about the importance of self-love, the unconditional love of self that fosters a strong sense of self-esteem. As I age, I understand more and more how self-love is essential to my being.

Self-love is not selfish love. Self-love does not mean putting my needs, wants and desires above everyone else’s. Self-love involves speaking kindly to oneself, it means being compassionate toward oneself, it involves being patient with oneself. Self-love means understanding that you are doing the best you can with what you have right now. Self-love means taking care of yourself, for if you do not take care of yourself, how can you possibly take care of anyone else?

I recently practiced self-love for a month or so. Sure, it was difficult at first, but the more I practiced, the easier it became (as is the case with anything). Instead of speaking harshly to myself when I made a mistake, I reminded myself that mistakes are our way of learning how to do something better. I used terms such as “darling” and “honey” and “beautiful” to refer to myself instead of more derogatory terms. I spoke to myself the way I would address a friend or loved one, with kindness and compassion.

We almost never would speak to our friends and loved ones in the ways we sometimes speak to ourselves. And we certainly never would tolerate being spoken to by anyone else the way we sometimes speak to ourselves. What we say to ourselves matters. How can we love ourselves when we refer to ourselves in derogatory, harsh ways? What would happen if instead of calling ourselves something like “dumbass” we called ourselves “darling?” What would happen if instead of berating ourselves for making a mistake, we congratulated ourselves on doing so and for having the courage to find a way to do something better?

We all deserve love and belonging and that love should start with love of self. Self-love takes practice, indeed. What can you do today to start your journey of self-love? Can you find something beautiful about yourself and offer yourself a compliment? Can you find something you are good at and congratulate yourself? Can you find healthy ways to show yourself love? The more you practice self-love by offering yourself kindness and compassion, the easier it will be to show others love.