Today is the day we celebrate fathers in the United States, but for some people Father’s Day can be extremely difficult. For those who have lost their fathers, those who had or have strained relationships with their fathers, those who yearn to be fathers but are not, this day can be hard to navigate.

When celebrating this day, it is important to remember that not everyone still has a living father and that not every man is a father. Instead of saying, “Happy Father’s Day” to every man you meet, perhaps instead consider saying simply, “Enjoy your day.”

So many people I know already have lost their fathers and this day can be bittersweet. For those of you who have lost your fathers, try to remember the good times you shared with your dad. Try to remember all the goofy dad jokes your father told you. Try to remember all the good things your father taught you and the lessons he imparted.

For those who yearned to be fathers, but for reasons that are extremely personal, cannot be, this day can be very painful. Try to remember with compassion, love and understanding those who wished to become fathers but could not. Those who are childless may have desperately wanted children and seeing you and your father together today can be hard for these men. Some fathers may already have lost a child or children. Remember them on this day.

Many children have had strained relationships with their fathers and celebrating on this day may not be a realistic option. For some people, the relationship they have with their father is complicated. Their relationships with their fathers may have been abusive verbally, physically or even sexually. Remember this when you offer your holiday greetings.

For those of you whose fathers still are living and with whom you have a good relationship, I hope you enjoy your day. Remember how lucky you are to be with your father on this day and every day.

As someone who has struggled with anorexia for about four decades, I know firsthand how exhausting it is to constantly criticize one’s own body. And as someone who turned 52 years old just two days ago, I also know that one’s body changes over time and dealing with those changes can be challenging.

I also have been working with several clients who are struggling with body image issues, men and women who are concerned about what they look like and how others view them. So many of us worry about how our bodies appear not just to ourselves but to others, perhaps to our mates or potential mates. So many of us engage in negative self-talk about our bodies. Some of us who are getting older may feel in a way that our bodies have somehow betrayed us. It is in those moments that it is important to practice gratitude for what our bodies still are capable of. It is in those moments that we can try to counter our negative self-talk with positive affirmations, reminding ourselves that we are more than our bodies. Our bodies are simply vessels for our souls.

Several of the people with whom I have been working on body image issues admit that they focus more on those parts of their bodies they do not like rather on the things they do like. These folks, not unlike many of us, beat themselves up for perceived imperfections. But none of us is perfect. None of us has a perfect body. Our beauty lies in our imperfections. What would happen if instead of focusing on those parts of our bodies we feel are somehow flawed and focused instead on those parts we believe are beautiful? What would happen if instead of focusing on our bodies, we focused instead on our souls? After all, we are more than our ever-changing bodies.

So many of us gauge our worth as humans by the number we see on the bathroom scale. In reality, all that number does is define our relationship with gravity. Yes, it is important to maintain a healthy lifestyle and a healthy weight. But if we constantly focus on that number we see on the scale, we can find ourselves beating ourselves up for normal weight fluctuations. Just because our weight fluctuates, does not mean that we are somehow less worthy of love and belonging. Our worth is not dependent on what we weigh.

We have been conditioned by society to believe that we must look a certain way in order to be worthy of love and belonging. Fashion magazines and advertising make us believe that if we are not perfect, we are not worthy of love. This could not be further from the truth. We are worthy of love and belonging simply because we are human. You do not have to weigh a certain amount in order to be worthy of love.

I wonder what would happen if instead of beating ourselves up, instead of engaging in negative self-talk about our bodies, we instead engaged in positive affirmations and appreciation for what our bodies are capable of? I wonder what would happen if we offered ourselves compliments for those body parts we do like? How can you express appreciation for all your body is capable of today? Can you thank your body for allowing you to experience this day, whatever it might bring? Can you thank your body for being a vessel for your beautiful soul?

Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP