Why do we sometimes feel as though we have to apologize for our feelings? Are our feelings not valid, be they mad, sad, happy, glad or otherwise? Are we not entitled to our feelings?

Recently in my work as a therapist, many of my clients have been apologizing to me for feeling a certain way or for crying in session. I try to reassure them that the space we share is a space where they can feel whatever it is they are feeling. There are no wrong feelings. There are only your feelings, and not only are your feelings valid but they matter. You do not have to apologize for your feelings. Own them.

So many of us have spent years avoiding our feelings. We stay busy in an effort to manage our feelings, particularly the rough ones. What might we be afraid of if we simply sit with our feelings, be they happy, mad, sad or glad. What happens if we think of feelings as though they are visitors? Visitors come and go; rarely do they stay forever. Our feelings are fleeting, they will pass. Practice simply noticing what you are feeling and sitting with it for a few minutes. The more we accept our feelings the less judgemental we will be with ourselves for feeling a particular way.

When we own our feelings, we take responsibility for how we have chosen to react to any given situation. Yes, there will be times when we feel angry or frustrated, hurt, disappointed or sad. There will be times when we feel elated, happy, excited or ecstatic. Own all the feelings, good and bad. You are entitled to both. Own your feelings. Do not give anyone else the power to “make” you feel any given way. Your feelings are your own. You are responsible for them and for the way you express them. If you need to cry, remember that it is okay to cry. Let the tears come, let them cleanse your soul. If you need to laugh, do so with a happy heart.

The more we remember that we can choose how we react to any given situation by pausing and reflecting on what it is that we feel, the easier it can be to own our feelings. Slow down and notice what you are feeling. Share those feelings in a way that is respectful and feels good to you by using “I feel … ” statements. Those statements can be used to share both positive and negative emotions. The more you practice using such statements, the easier it becomes not only to get in touch with what you are feeling but to share those feelings with people.

When we own our feelings and allow ourselves to sit with them for a few moments, we can find it easier to find our inner peace. Remember that your feelings are valid and that you are entitled to your feelings while at the same time digging deep to determine what exactly it is you are feeling. It may take a few minutes to really discern what you are feeling. Name it and own it. Your feelings are your own and you are responsible for them. Can you take a few moments to sit with those feelings and come to a place of acceptance? Can you accept those feelings without judgement? Can you own your feelings?