It seems another year is coming to a close. I suspect many of us are wondering where 2021 went. I suspect many of us are wondering how the year went so fast. I suspect many of us have been left wondering if the new year to come will be any better than the last, considering we still find ourselves in the midst of a raging pandemic that has left more than one million people dead.

For many people, 2021 was not much better than 2020. For some, the opposite may be true. As this year comes to a close, I challenge you to think about what this past year has taught you about yourself. When you give this some thought, perhaps you will come to realize that you are stronger than you thought you are, more resilient than you imagined. The first two years of this decade have been, to say the least, very challenging. What have you learned about yourself through this pandemic that has left so many of us feeling burned out?

While you consider what you have learned about yourself in 2021, I urge you also to consider how you what you want to do with the new year. What would you like to look, sound and feel like in the new year? One of my clients had the brilliant idea of assigning each new year a word by which to live. As her golden birthday will be celebrated in 2022, she has assigned the year the word “glow.” Every day, she will try to live by that word. What could your word be? How do you want to live the upcoming year? How do you want to spend your days?

I have been giving this considerable thought and I have decided to make my word “fearless.” I hope to challenge myself to tackle things that make me feel less fearful as I age. I hope to make 2022 a year in which I do something brave as often as possible.

We can choose to let the upcoming year run us or we can run the year. How do you want to spend the new year? What do you want to do with your time? I think the COVID-19 pandemic has taught many of us that time is fleeting. We are not guaranteed tomorrow; we only have today. How can you best spend your time? What word do you want to assign to this new year? Consider what that could be and try to live up to it.

Death is a natural part of life. We all know this yet somehow that does not make it easier when we lose a loved one. The death of a loved one can leave us with profound feelings of grief as we mourn. How do we get through this?

I find myself dealing with much death lately. Several of my clients have experienced the loss of loved ones in recent weeks, as have several of my friends. I myself still am in grief as I continue to mourn my mother who died two days before Christmas in 2012. I am reminded that we do not move on from grief, we move through it.

Many of us are familiar with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It is important to remember that we do not necessarily move through these stages in a linear fashion. We may move back and forth through the stages, lingering in one or more at any given time. We may feel both depression and anger when a loved one dies. We may find ourselves in denial while bargaining. Know that whatever you are feeling when grieving a loved one is okay. Your feelings surrounding your loss are fair and valid. No one has the right to tell you to move on. You grieve in your own way and in your own time.

David Kessler, an expert on grief, now speaks of a sixth stage that some of us may experience after a loss and that is meaning making. It may take months or years to make sense of a loss but you may find yourself able to do so. He offers a TEDTalk about this and you can find it here: https://www.ted.com/talks/david_kessler_how_to_find_meaning_after_loss.

We all at some point will lose someone we care for or love. We all at some point will experience the deep pain of grief. However you find yourself grieving is fair and valid. You may find yourself flooded with memories of your loved one. You may find yourself crying for days, weeks or months after your loss. That is okay. You grieve in your own time and in your own way. You may find yourself reminded of your loved one’s passing as their death date nears or at birthdays or anniversaries, and that, too, is okay. You may find yourself in mourning for months or years. It is okay to ask for support in whatever way you need to be supported through grief from whomever you need it from.

When we find ourselves in grief, it may be helpful to remember that we feel this way because we cared for or loved that person deeply. We chose to love that person. Grief reminds us that we cared for our loved one with our hearts. Grief reminds us that we are capable of deep love.

The death of a loved one never is easy to navigate, even if that death is expected. Whatever you are feeling, whatever stage of grief you find yourself in, is okay. Remind yourself that it may take months if not years to process your loss. Remind yourself that your feelings are fair and valid. And remind yourself that it is okay to reach out for support if you need to.