Today marks Valentine’s Day and for some the day can be quite challenging, leaving some feeling alone and lonely. Some people feel as though they are without love, but in fact love is all around us.

Sometimes, people feel Valentine’s Day is really only for those in partnered relationships. But this day can be a day to celebrate all kinds of love, including self-love. We can choose to celebrate familial love today or friendships or marital love. We can choose today to celebrate love in all its many forms. We do not have to be in a relationship to celebrate love today.

For some, it can be difficult to recognize love. We may long to hear those three words: “I love you” but one does not have to say “I love you” in order to show love. Love can be heard in “drive safe,” “be careful,” “text me when you get home.” Love can be felt in a touch. Love can be heard in a phone call checking in on you. Love can be seen in the wink of an eye. Love is all around you if you are looking for it.

There are so many opportunities for us to recognize love today. Perhaps there is something getting in the way of your noticing the love in your life. Perhaps you have been scorned. Perhaps you have been hurt. For those who have been, it may be difficult to recognize or even accept love. What steps might you be able to take to notice the love in your life?

Valentine’s Day does not have to mean cards, flowers or candy. It can mean phone calls, texts or video chats. It can mean you taking care of yourself in a loving fashion. I understand that not everyone has a romantic valentine today but that does not mean you cannot be your own valentine. What might you be able to do today to show yourself some love?

There are so many different kinds of love. Valentine’s Day does not have to solely be a day to celebrate romantic love. Perhaps there is someone you love in a platonic fashion you could reach out today to show love. Perhaps there is a family member you could show love to. Perhaps there is a friend you could connect with. Love is all around you if you look for it. Happy Valentine’s Day.

With any luck, I truly am in the middle of my life. Yet as I find myself nearing 53 years old, I find myself struggling to accept aging—how aging is affecting me and what aging means for me. I find myself struggling with the fact that it is harder to do things that once came with relative ease, like running longer distances and maintaining my fitness to the degree I enjoy. I often find it challenging to appreciate my aging body for what it remains capable of as I notice changes in my appearance. It seems harder on most days to love myself as I am becoming a woman of middle age.

How do we appreciate our bodies as we age? How can I come to terms with what I am seeing and feeling? I often find myself telling clients who struggle with body image and aging to try to appreciate all their bodies allow them to do. I try to remember to be grateful for the fact that my two legs can still run from time to time, they still carry me to and fro. I try to remember to be grateful for my two hands that let me be expressive. I try to remember to be thankful for my eyes that continue to allow me to see all the beauty in the world. I try to remember to be thankful for my heart, my lungs and all my internal organs that likely suffered some measure of damage after having lived most of my life with anorexia nervosa. Sometimes I remind myself that it is a miracle I still am alive considering how I have treated my body over the years.

Some days, I have more success reminding myself that this aging body of mine still is capable of amazing things. I still am able to exercise two to four hours a day, which I understand could be considered excessive by many people. Other days, I find myself beating myself up for not feeling up to monster workouts or running. I find myself missing the younger version of myself who could run 40 to 50 miles a week after participating in an hour-long boxing class. It’s hard in my head. Sometimes, I feel like it’s hard being me. Likely some of you feel the same way.

On days when I feel as though it’s hard being me, I try to remind myself that none of my days are promised to me. I try to remember to be grateful for what I can do rather than lamenting what seems so difficult some days. No one is guaranteed longevity or health. None of us is promised tomorrow. The trick is to appreciate you as you are and what you still can do. Some days you may have more success with this, and that’s okay. I’m trying to be kind and gentle with myself as I age. I’m trying to practice more self-love than self-hate. I’m trying to love the woman I am becoming.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP