I am reading Brene Brown’s “Braving the Wilderness” and am struck by, well, pretty much everything she writes in the book. One of the ideas that has resonated most with me is the idea that it is hard to hate people once we really get to know them.

In this age of social media, it can be easy to focus on all the hatred and vitriol. Social media can serve the purpose of helping us stay in some way connected to friends and family, but also can open us up to what seems to be the collective anger of the masses. We can choose to step away from that anger, hatred and vitriol by choosing not to engage or read posted comments. It seems difficult to engage with people on social media in thoughtful conversation as so many people seem to double down on their rage and insist on being indignant. What happens, though, with those we really know outside of social media (meaning, in real life) when we invite people to share with us why they think in a certain way or believe certain ideas?

It is hard to hate people if we invite them to share with us their stories.

If we muster the courage to speak with people face-to-face and one-to-one and invite them to share with us their stories, we give ourselves the gift of learning who they really are. When we invite people to share with us what caused them to think a certain way or believe certain ideas, we give ourselves the gift of making a connection with someone who may think differently than we do. We open ourselves up to new perspectives. That does not have to mean that we change our minds; we can still disagree with those people. It does mean that we have open up a line of communication and better understanding.

It can be difficult in this age of social media to make the decision to chat with people in real life and may not always be feasible. But I suspect some of us have “friends” on social media who live not far from us who we may be able to meet for a cup of coffee somewhere to discuss the events of the day. Yes, doing so may be scary or even inconvenient but doing so helps us grow as human beings and affords us the opportunity to learn who those “friends” really are.

Hate is borne of ignorance. The antidote to hate is not just love but respect and understanding. One of the ways we can combat hate is by embracing opportunities to get to know not just the people in our circles, but those who live outside of those circles. It is hard to hate people once you move in. Move in.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP