I recently read Susan David’s “Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life” and found myself thunderstruck by what she says about how our emotions can lead us closer to or away from our values and it really got me thinking. How can we lean into our emotions in such a way as to move us closer to our values?

This begs an even bigger question and that is, “What are our core values?” Some of us know exactly what our core values are while others of us may struggle to name even a few core values. Even more ponderous is that idea that some of us struggle to name our emotions and thus have trouble discerning whether our emotions are moving us closer to or away from our values. Many of us know the primary emotions of happy, sad, mad. But there are many more beneath those, including excited, disappointed and afraid. How can we use our emotions to move us closer to our values?

One way to do so is to really drill down in any given moment and tap into what we’re really feeling. Sometimes when we’re feeling angry, there can be something underneath that anger, something like fear, sadness, disappointment or hurt. How might any of these emotions be moving you closer to or away from your values? Perhaps you value family and perhaps a family member has said or done something that initially left you feeling anger. What is beneath that anger and how can you tap into your emotion to move closer to your value of family? Perhaps that might require you to have what could be an uncomfortable conversation with that family member. Discomfort often does not mean danger, though sometimes can if there is a bear, wolf or lion in the room. Sometimes we have to do what is uncomfortable to move us closer to our values.

Our emotions can be powerful tools for change if we give ourselves permission to tap into them, listen to them and use them to move closer to our values. This requires us to really pause and be present in the moment so that we can really discern what exactly it is that we’re feeling. This takes patience and practice, and courage. But as David says, “Courage is fear walking.” Doing the scary thing so can help us move closer to our values so that we can feel as though we are living true to ourselves and as authentically as we possibly can.

What steps might you be willing to take to use your emotions to move closer to your values? Can you first identify what your core values are? Can you give yourself permission to tap into your emotions? The more we live true to our values, the better we likely will feel about ourselves and our lives.