It seems as though the hits just keep on coming. We still are in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic and now we learn of the spreading of monkeypox. The war in Ukraine rages on. We are seeing inflation skyrocketing. We are seeing women’s reproductive health rights being stripped away state by state and now face the same at the federal level. We see mass shootings on what seems to be a weekly basis with no action being taken regarding common-sense gun laws. All of this and the day-to-day stress we may be feeling from our jobs and relationships may leave us wondering what we can do to ease our pain.

With this week’s school shooting in Texas and the shooting in Buffalo, New York, just days ago, in addition to the assault on women’s rights, we may be wondering what we can do. We may feel helpless, hopeless, angry, incensed, sad, disappointed and betrayed by our country. We may not know what to do. Some people have said that they will be offering “thoughts and prayers.” For some this may seem an anemic response to the goings-on in the world. Perhaps now is a time to take action.

There are some things we can do to help us feel as though we are doing something, anything. We can write letters to our senators and congresspeople. We can participate in non-violent rallies. We can donate blood to help those who are victims of mass shootings. We can donate our time and/or money to causes that are important to us. We can elect leaders who are willing to protect our right to choose and who will work toward enacting sensible gun laws.

One of the most important things we can do when it all feels as though the world is imploding is to practice good self-care. It is okay to take a break from the news if it all seems too much. It is okay to remember that is good to stay abreast of the news while not getting bogged down if you find that your mental health is being affected by the day’s events. It is okay to surround yourself with people with whom you can share your thoughts and feelings and on whom you can rely for emotional support. It is okay to speak kindly to yourself and to offer yourself compassion for whatever it is you may be feeling. It is okay to remind yourself that whatever you are feeling is fair and valid.

We are living in troubling times. We may find ourselves at a loss as to how to manage. Should you feel the urge to take action, please remember to do so in a way that is respectful of others. And please remember that self-care is of the utmost importance when you find yourself struggling. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, remember that is okay to reach out to a mental health professional. It takes more courage to ask for help than it does to suffer in silence.

We are living in stressful times. We still are in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. An unjust war rages in the Ukraine. We’re hearing news of monkeypox spreading across the globe. Inflation is a concern for many. Gas prices are on the rise. Food costs are going up. Women’s reproductive healthcare is being attacked. All of these things, in addition to our everyday stressors of work and family life, can mean we are feeling an increase in stress.

I have heard people talking recently about how to avoid stress and find myself thinking that stress is largely unavoidable. Many of us encounter some measure of stress on a near daily basis. The question is, what can you do to manage stress? Stress is different than anxiety. Stress is most often caused by an external trigger such as a work deadline, the goings-on in the world, financial concerns or relationship troubles. Anxiety involves internal triggers that include some measure of trepidation or worry. Both stress and anxiety can result in physical sensations, such as trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, changes in appetite, difficulty concentrating, trouble focusing, muscle soreness or tension and irritability.

Both stress and anxiety can be managed by practicing healthy coping skills. Stress, to some extent, can be controlled by how we choose to react to it. We as humans have the power to choose how we are going to react to any given situation.

We can choose to look at stress as something that can be managed or we can choose to look at stress as an insurmountable obstacle. How we choose to respond to stress ultimately can affect not just our physical health but our mental health, as well.

What are some ways to manage stress? Practicing healthy coping skills such as exercise, meditation, listening to music, reading, watching a movie or television show all can help manage stress. Talk it out with a trusted other. Turning to alcohol, marijuana or other substances ultimately likely will cause more harm in the long run as doing so often runs counter to our values, leading to more stress and anxiety. Should you find that your stress turns to anxiety and becomes overwhelming, it might be time to turn to a mental health professional. Doing so does not mean that you are weak or somehow inept. It takes more courage to ask for help than it does to suffer in silence.

Here are some other ways to manage stress:

• Talk to someone you trust.
• Set boundaries and say “no”
• Write a note to someone you care about.
• Be assertive.
• Use humor.
• Spend time with friends and/or family.
• Serve someone in need.
• Care for or play with a pet.

Remember, you can choose how you respond to stress by pausing in the moment and noticing what you are feeling. It is perfectly acceptable to take a minute to decide how you want to respond to any given situation that you notice is leaving you feeling stressed. What do you need in that moment to manage your stress? Do you need to go for a walk around the block? Do you need to go listen to your favorite song for a few minutes? Do you need to go for a run? Whatever you need to do so manage stress in a healthy way is okay.

How are you choosing to respond to the stressors in your life? Can you give yourself permission to step back for a moment and decide what your next steps are? Can you take steps now to manage stress in your life so that it does not become anxiety? What can you do today to manage your stress?

I recently read Brene Brown’s “Atlas of the Heart” and find myself continuing to think about one of the 87 emotions she speaks of in the book: schadenfreude, or taking pleasure in another person’s suffering or misfortune.

I have been thinking about this a lot in the days since I read the book, in part because I see so much of it on social media. And while this begs the question of why I am spending so much time on social media, it also begs a larger question, and that is what is happening in society today that so many people seem to engage in schadenfreude. There are many reasons but one of them is that it is easy to hide behind the cloak of relative anonymity of social media and use the laughing emoji to engage in taking pleasure in others’ suffering. I see it when people use that emoji to react to stories about COVID-19 related deaths or waves of the virus sweeping through communities, leaving scores sick.

It may seem as though engaging in schadenfreude can bring about some kind of connection, but that connection is more likely is counterfeit and will be short-lived. True connection is forged by giving ourselves permission to be vulnerable and to let others really see and understand us, it is forged by practicing compassion and empathy. Collective schadenfreude promotes what Brown calls in her book counter-empathy and means that our emotional reaction is incongruent with another person’s emotional experience.

According to Brown, schadenfreude actually shuts down the area of our brains that we use for empathy and lights up areas of the brain that make us feel good and entice us to engage in similar behaviors in the future. But practicing schadenfreude, while enticing at first, can often lead to deeper feelings of shame and guilt because doing so can mean that we have violated our values and what we really hold important.

Is practicing schadenfreude something we really want to do? Is feeling pleasure at the expense of another person’s troubles really who we want to be as a society? What does this say about how we can change so that we can be a more compassionate people?

The opposite of schadenfreude is freudenfreude and that is the enjoyment of another person’s success. It is a subset of empathy. What would happen if instead of taking pleasure in another person’s pain, we celebrated another person’s victories? Celebrating another person’s victories and asking what that victory felt like can create real connection. We forge connection by building people up, not by tearing people down.