Many of us from time to time find ourselves feeling either as though we have failed at something, or worse, that we ARE failures. The word “failure” has only seven letters but really is a big, heavy word with pretty bad connotations.

Those who feel that they have failed at something be it at work or in their personal lives often can feel as if they have hit a road block. I wonder, though, what would happen if instead of looking at failure as a road block, they looked at failure as a speed bump that if they move slowly over it really does little damage? For many who feel like they ARE a failure, it seems as though the thought often is that failure is final. What if instead we considered failure as an opportunity to learn, grow and become? What if instead we looked at failure as part of success? What if instead of looking at failure as something from which we cannot recover as a launching point for something better?

How do we do that, though? It starts with recognizing that struggle, that failure sometimes is part of life. Most of us will struggle at some point in our lives. But that struggle does not mean that we are failing. That struggle means that we are growing.

Sometimes we feel like we are failing, as though we are failures, because our careers, our love lives, our relationships are not quite what we would want them to be. I wonder if that feeling could be a signal that perhaps it is time for change. Maybe we are unhappy with our careers because they have become unfulfilling or we feel there is no room for growth. Maybe that is a sign that now might be a good time to consider a career change. Changing careers does not mean you have failed at one thing, it means that you are meant for something different, something that better aligns with your hopes, dreams and aspirations.

Feeling as though our love lives are rife with failure perhaps means that we need to take stock of our relationships and look at any relationship patterns. Maybe it means that we need to reconsider both what it means to be a good partner and what kind of partner we deserve. Perhaps we can look at failure in our love lives as a signal that we deserve better and then demand better.

So many of us view failure as some sort of indication that we are somehow lesser than or unworthy of love or belonging. This could not be further from the truth. None of us is successful at every single thing we do. If we allow it, failure can be a teacher. What is failure teaching you? What can you learn about yourself from what you perceive as a failing? Failure does not have to be final. It only is final if you allow it to be so.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP