Social media has become for some an almost all-consuming way to pass the time. What seemed to have started out as a way to stay in some disconnected way, connected, has become a way for some people to offer a glimpse into our lives, or often, the best of our lives. For many people, consuming social media has become an obsession and one that allows us, with relative anonymity, to be critical of others, especially people we may not even know.

What started out as a way to stay in some way connected seems to have become a place for so many people to cast judgement on the lives, the thoughts of others. It has become a place that all too often is filled with hateful vitriol, thoughtless judgement and cruel comments. Many of us may find ourselves casting the first stone of judgement. But where does that judgement come from? What happens in our brains (and hearts) when we respond to someone’s post with a hateful, cruel or judgemental comment? Why not simply resist the urge to comment and simply be kind enough to let it go?

Science tells us that our brains are hard-wired to glom on to the negative. Some studies show that we are 70 per cent more likely to engage in negative thinking than positive thinking. What happens to us when we allow that to come out as negative, judgemental and hurtful comments. Are our spirits lifted? Are our days made happier? Are we somehow left in a better mood? Likely the answer to these questions is a resounding “No.” When we make hateful, cruel or judgemental comments we are not coming from a place of love or compassion or understanding. We are coming from a place within ourselves that is not healed. We are coming from a place within ourselves that needs tending to, care and curiosity.

When we judge others for the way they live, for whomever it is they love, for their life choices, we are not coming from a place of compassion and curiosity. We are coming from a place of misunderstanding. What would happen if instead we offered people who think differently, live differently, love differently, practice religion differently, our compassion and approached difference with curiosity?

What would happen if more of us on this planet paused and thought about what part of ourselves may be hurting before we comment on another person’s life? What would happen if we started focusing inward and thought about where we may need healing before judging another person for the way that person lives? We judge others from places within ourselves that are not healed.

Before you cast that first stone, before you make that hurtful comment, give yourself permission to really think about yourself and what that comment may be telling you about yourself. It takes a lot of courage to look inward and think about why you feel it is okay to pass judgement on another person. Think about how it might feel if someone were to make a similar comment about you, your lifestyle, your weight, your hair, your romantic choices, the person you love. Think about how your comments reflect on you.

None of us is without sin, if you will. None of us is perfect. Indeed, we all are perfectly imperfect. Social media may make it easy to hide behind a relative cloak of anonymity but that does not give anyone permission to make cruel, hurtful or judgemental comments about another person. Likely more than not, such comments are unneeded. Likely more than not, making those comments will not help anyone. Before casting judgement on another person, first look at what part of you may be hurting and in need of care. Tend to those needs. Resist the urge to be hateful and try coming from a place of compassion and curiosity.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

While it may seem as though it was just the Fourth of July, it appears the winter holiday season is upon us once again. For many people, this can be a time to celebrate with family and friends and to remember those who may no longer be with us. For many people, this time can be one of what can feel like, at times, unbearable stress.

The holiday season can be one of great importance to many people. We may find ourselves trying to get together with those we love, with our friends and families, with those we have not seen in a while for myriad reasons. We may find ourselves running from here to there and everywhere in between. We may find ourselves attending gatherings or hosting gatherings. All of this may lead to feelings of stress, anxiety and overwhelm. It always is important to remember to take time during this busy season to take care of ourselves, to take time to practice self-care and to learn to rest when we need to do so.

It also may behoove you to remember that it is perfectly acceptable to say “No” to those things that no longer bring you joy. If you are feeling overwhelmed by all the holiday get-togethers, it is okay to decline an invitation and send your regards. If you find yourself feeling stressed out because you have 35 people coming over for a gathering, it is acceptable to ask those guests to contribute a dish to the meal. You do not have to do everything for everyone all the time. It is okay for you to ask for help if you are feeling stressed, anxious or overwhelmed.

The holiday season can be a joyous time for many people while for others it can lead to feelings of anxiety. It always is good to practice self-care but perhaps even more important during this season. I have had several clients recently ask me what self-care is, what that term means. Practicing self-care means doing healthy things for you that bring you pleasure and joy. Perhaps it means making time to read a favorite book or watch a holiday movie. Perhaps it means scheduling a massage, manicure or pedicure if that is within your budget. Perhaps it means going for a walk or run or bike ride. Self-care can be anything healthy that feels good to you that helps you manage feelings of stress, anxiety or overwhelm. What can you do during this holiday season to make yourself feel good? What can you do to take care of your own needs. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Remember that it is okay to take care of yourself so that you can better take care of those you love.

Managing stress and anxiety during the holiday season can mean for some remembering that nothing needs to be perfect. When we strive for perfection, we may notice that we feel constantly let down and disappointed with ourselves, with a situation or with others if we expect perfection from them. Remember that it is okay to accept that you have done your best; that is always good enough. No one can ask for more than your best. It always is good to remember that you are doing the best you can with what you have right now. Remember that most people are doing the best they can with what they have. It always is good to remember that you are worthy of love and belonging simply because you are human, not because your Christmas tree is decorated perfectly.

With the holiday season now upon us, remember that it is okay to say “No” to the things that no longer bring you joy. The holiday season can be a stressful time for many people. Remember that it is acceptable to decline invitations, to cut back on your cooking or baking and ask for help. Doing healthy things to manage your stress, anxiety and overwhelm can mean a more joyous holiday season not just for you but for those you love.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

It seems as though shorter days and cooler temperatures are now upon us, leaving many people with low mood and less energy. For some 1 to 3 per cent of the population, this could lead to a type of depression called Seasonal Affective Disorder. This type of depression can persist during the fall and winter months for many but also affects some people during the warmer summer months.

What is SAD? According to the Mayo Clinic, seasonal affective disorder is a form of depression that primarily affects people during the fall and winter months when there is less daylight, particularly in locations farther from the equator. This lack of light can disturb the internal clock and may lead to feelings of depression. The change in seasons can also influence the body’s melatonin and serotonin, which are natural chemicals in the brain that play a role in sleep timing and mood. When combined, these factors may lead to SAD.

Seasonal affective disoder is more than just feeling blue during the colder weather months. It involves persistent symptoms of depression, including feeling sad, angry or irritable more days than not. For many who live with SAD, it can mean losing interest in once pleasurable activities, persistent tiredness that leads to sleeping more, and increased appetite, particularly for carbohydrates and sugary snacks. Some people may engage in suicidal ideation.

There is hope for those living with SAD, however. There are many ways to combat SAD, including engaging in regular exercise, maintaining a healthy diet, avoiding sugar and alcohol and getting as much natural light as possible. Many people also benefit from light therapy and light boxes can be purchased at many stores. Many people also benefit from medication to combat symptoms of depression, as well. Maintaining a regular sleep/wake cycle can also help combat SAD.

When living with SAD, it is particularly important to practice good self-care. This can mean anything from engaging in healthy activities such as reading or getting massages if that is within your budget to practicing yoga or other exercise. Many people also benefit from guided meditation.

Some people also find that the holiday season leaves them with sadness. For those who find the holidays challenging, it is good to remember that it is okay to start new traditions for yourself and your family so that you can enjoy this busy season the way you want to. Many people are reminded of lost loved ones during the holiday season and it is okay to take care of yourself in healthy ways during this time. What sorts of healthy activities do you enjoy? Are there hobbies you have been interested in that you might make time for during these colder weather months? Perhaps you have always wanted to try snowshoeing. When we start seeing snow, it might be a good thing to try.

Seasonal affective disorder affects many people. It may be helpful to remind yourself that you are not alone in finding the winter months challenging. If you find yourself struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out to a trusted other or mental health professional or dial 988 to speak to a counselor 24/7/365. We can combat SAD by engaging in healthy habits and by offering ourselves kindness and compassion. What things might you be able to do to take care of yourself during these months? How can you treat yourself with kindness?

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP