I remember getting my first cell phone about 25 years ago and how, back then, these devices largely were used for emergencies only. What a sense of safety they brought with them, knowing that help was only a phone call away if we were out and about in our cars or on foot somewhere. My, how things have changed.

In the 25 years since I purchased my first cell phone, these seemingly innocuous devices have become little, hand-held personal computers on which we can do our banking, surf the internet and scroll through social media. We can use them to stay connected to our people via phone calls, text messages and video chats. Other devices, including our laptops and tablets, offer similar features. And while these devices can be helpful in myriad ways, they also can become addictive to the point that we prefer using our devices to actually engaging face-to-face with other human beings, even our closest confidantes.

How often do you find yourself picking up your phone to scroll through social media, post pictures or what have you? How often do you find yourself on Instagram, SnapChat or TikTok? How often do you find yourself losing 10, 15, 20 minutes, even more time, to Twitter or Facebook or whatever social platform you prefer? How often do you find yourself questioning how much time you spend on your phone, laptop or tablet? Have you ever wondered if it is too much time? Have you ever thought to yourself that you spend altogether too much time on your devices?

Many people find themselves wondering either to themselves or aloud if they spend too much time on their devices, often to the detriment of their personal relationships, work or other activities. But how do you know if you have become addicted to your devices? Some research urges us to consider these criteria to determine if our use of devices has become an addiction:

• Problematic and conscious use of devices in dangerous situations or prohibited contexts with social and familial conflicts and confrontations, as well as loss of interest in other activities. A continuation of the behavior is observed despite the negative effects or the personal malaise caused.

• Harm, repeated physical, mental, social, work, or familial interruptions, preferring the cell phone to personal contact; frequent and constant consultations in brief periods, with insomnia and sleep disturbances.

• Excessive use, urgency, abstinence, tolerance, dependence, difficulty controlling, craving, increasing use to achieve satisfaction or relaxation or to counteract a dysphoric mood, the need to be connected, feelings of irritability or of being lost if separated from the phone or of sending and viewing messages with feelings of unease when unable to use it.

• Anxiety and loneliness when unable to send a message or receive an immediate response; stress and changes in mood due to the need to respond immediately to messages.

Some of us are virtually unable to control our device usage. If we find ourselves unable to put our devices down and not feel the urge or compulsion to pick it back up again only minutes later, we may need to give some thought to how much we are using those devices. We may need to consider device-free periods.

One thing I strongly urge my clients to consider is device-free date nights or device-free meals. It is acceptable to put your device in a different room or in a purse or pocket when we are out and about with other people. This not only tells the people you are with that your time with them is important, but it reassures those people that they have your undivided attention. We also can opt to turn our devices off for the evening or during the duration of an outing to let our people know that our time with them is more important than posting on TikTok or checking Twitter.

Some people who think that their device usage may be bordering on unhealthy may find themselves feeling depressed due to the fact that most social media platforms offer only a person’s highlight reel and often encourage comparison to others. We know that comparison is the thief of joy and we should know that much of what is posted on social media may fail to pass a fact check.

Others who find their device usage problematic may find that device usage is a function of the need for social approval and self-control, according to some studies. If you are finding that you are reaching for your device because you are feeling lonely and disconnected, it may behoove you to actually place a phone call or schedule a face-to-face outing and speak to a trusted other in person.

Our devices afford us an opportunity to stay connected to our people but they can become more of a curse if we find that we are turning to them because we feel compelled to do so. Giving yourself permission to schedule device-free date nights, device-free meal time or device-free periods may help you from relying on your phone, tablet or laptop to replace actual human-to-human contact. It is okay to distance yourself from your device if you find yourself feeling more depressed or anxious because of your use. Put the device in another room while hanging out with friends or family. Turn your device off at a certain time and do not turn it back on until you leave the house if that is feasible for you. Our devices do not have to control us if only we take steps to limit usage.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

What does it mean to be resilient? And where does resilience come from? Some argue that resilience is a trait we are born with while others believe it is something we develop over time, after facing hardships, disappointments and adversity. If resilience is something we develop over time, how do we go about doing that?

First, let’s define “resilience.” What does that word even mean, especially these days when it seems as though many of our children win trophies simply for showing up and are whisked away to safe spaces when there is even a threat of trouble or disappointment. To some, the word “resilience” means maintaining a stable equilibrium. For others it means being able to bounce back after stressful events. Merriam-Webster defines “resilience” as an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.

When we think about stressful, adverse or disappointing events or circumstances, it might be helpful to remember that stress is largely unavoidable. We all encounter some measure of stress pretty much every day. Stress is a part of our lives. It is how we respond to stress that matters. Adverse events, disappointments, happen to all of us. None of us will get through life without facing adversity or disappointment at some point. It matters how we manage adversity and disappointments that matters. Do we view stress, disappointment and adversity as a road block, throw up our hands and give up, or do we view stress, adversity and disappointment as a speed bump that if we go over slowly and with care, there will be little damage? The choice is yours.

We can choose to view stress, disappointment and adversity as insurmountable or we can view these things we all encounter as part of everyday life. We can choose to let them determine who we are or we can choose to look at them as stepping stones to becoming stronger human beings.

One of the ways we can build resilience is to remember that even the toughest, most difficult situations rarely last for eternity. If you think about it, even our feelings are temporary … visitors who stay for a while and then leave us. Most situations, however difficult, really are manageable, if we give ourselves permission to look at them objectively and to do so without catastrophizing.

Another way to build resilience is to maintain our sense of hope. If we choose to look at stress, adversity and disappointment as speed bumps on the road of life we can remain hopeful that once we slowly move over the bump. the road will be smooth, at least for a while. Then we give ourselves props for handling the challenging situation the best we could with the tools we had at the time. We take that as a lesson and learn from it, applying what we have learned to the next adverse event, stressful situation or disappointment.

We also can build resilience by remembering that we are stronger than we likely give ourselves credit for. This may mean upping our positive self-talk game, practicing positive self-affirmations and remembering to speak kindly to ourselves. We do not build resilience by engaging in negative self-talk or by putting ourselves down. Give yourself credit for doing the best you can with what you have right now and remember that stressful situations, adverse events and disappointments all are lessons from which we can learn.

~ Karri Chrisitansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP