The human brain conjures somewhere between 60,000 and 80,000 thoughts per day and some science indicates that upward of 70 percent of those thoughts are negative. Some of those thoughts seem to run away with themselves, catapulting us into worst-case-scenario thinking, or catastrophizing.

What is “catastrophizing,” anyway? Catastrophizing is when we exaggerate the importance of something in a negative way, imagine the worst possible outcome without knowing all the facts, or when we use language that blows something out of proportion. Most of us engage in this kind of cognitive distortion at some point, often as a way to feel as though we somehow are in control over something over which we likely have little or no control. It can be our way of feeling more powerful over a situation, though catastrophizing often leaves us feeling worse and powerless.

We can hear catastrophizing in the way we speak to ourselves and others about perceived mistakes, physical or emotional pain we experience or when we hear bad news. It sounds something like, “I’ll be fired for that mistake I made. I’ll probably lose my house.” “My back is killing me.” “That lump I found means I have cancer and am going to die.” Most of us engage in this kind of thinking at some point, but there are ways to combat it so that we are not left feeling worse.

One way to minimize the damage of catastrophic thinking is to test the veracity of the negative thought. Examine the evidence you have to support the thought, as well as the evidence against it. Ask yourself if you might be jumping to conclusions without having all the facts or if you are overgeneralizing something by using all-or-nothing or black-and-white thinking. We overgeneralize when we assume an outcome based on only one or two past instances. It may be well to remind ourselves that just because something may have happened once or twice in the past, that does not automatically mean it will happen again.

Another way we can minimize catastrophic thinking is to consider what the likely outcome could be. Oftentimes, situations do not see the very worst possible outcome or the very best possible outcome. Give yourself permission to see the possible likely outcome given the facts you have. Try not to bend the story to your negative thinking. Once you have imagined all the possible outcomes, consider how well you would be able to handle the worst possible outcome. What are the chances that you would be okay after a month, six months, a year? Give yourself credit for navigating challenging situations from your past and imagine yourself navigating this one with success.

We engage in catastrophic thinking as a way to feel as though we have some semblance of control over a situation. In fact, this cognitive distortion often leaves us feeling more powerless. Search for the facts, find the answers and test the veracity of your negative thoughts. It may be helpful to remind yourself that most of us engage in negative thinking; that is only human. But, we can restructure our negative thoughts by examining the evidence we have to support them.

It also is important to remind ourselves that not only do most of us engage in negative thoughts, often when we do so when we are in the midst of struggle. As Brene Brown says, what we do not need in the midst of that struggle is shame for being human. It is well to remember to offer yourself some compassion for what you are going through and to remind yourself that struggle is part of the human condition. We all struggle but we can give ourselves the power to overcome the struggle by avoiding catastrophizing.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

We all have encountered folks who seem to find it challenging to find the good in any situation, person or experience. We all have encountered folks who seem to feel as though they constantly fall prey to the worst life has to offer. How do people fall into the victim role? And, what can be done about it?

I suspect those in the victim role are fairly unaware that that’s where they are in life. I suspect that they may notice that it feels as though nothing goes their way, that nothing seems to work out for them or that people seem to be acting with malicious intent. But what if some of what folks who find themselves in the victim role actually have more going for them than they realize?

How do we know if someone has become comfortably uncomfortable in the victim role? These folks tend to not look forward to the future, share the same negative stores, anecdotes or experiences with some frequency, engage in self-pity and seem to exude a sense of entitlement. People who are in the victim role often are defensive and are not open to criticism and often blame others when things go haywire or not their way. Folks in the victim role tend to complain often and reject other views. Those in the victim role tend to be risk averse and obsess over negative situations while being uninterested in solutions. They tend to find themselves in a place of judgement, which often stems from places within themselves that are not healed.

Folks who seem to be in the victim role also may find it difficult to trust others and often assume that others act with malicious intent, purposefully trying to hurt them. This can be the result of trauma. Their maladaptive behaviors often are learned over the course of years, if not decades. And while these behaviors may have helped them survive trauma, at some point they have become so ingrained that they have rendered the person unable to see the good in anything.

So, how does one move from being in the victim role to being a victor in one’s own life? Therapy is an option for many folks who find themselves in the victim role, as long as they are willing to do the work of therapy.

The first step, though, is taking responsibility for one’s own life. That may mean processing trauma with the help of a trained mental health professional. It also means that we have to accept the part we played in our past. That does not mean we acquiesce to the fact that we were traumatized in some way, but it does mean that we are responsible for choosing to heal from that trauma.

Moving away from the victim role also requires us to take steps to feel empowered and to develop a sense of self-efficacy. This helps combat any learned helplessness that keeps us from engaging in activities we may actually end up enjoying. It also helps us to realize that we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We can be the victor of our own life if we choose to believe that we are powerful. That does not mean, however, that we use that power over others. That means we use that power to improve our own lives, ourselves. It means we take responsibility to learn, grow and become better versions of ourselves.

Becoming better versions of ourselves requires that we practice self-compassion, speak kindly to ourselves and treat ourselves with the same respect we would want others to show us. It can be challenging to move away from the victim role if we do not treat ourselves with the same respect we would want from others. Similarly, when we offer ourselves compassion, this empowers us to view ourselves in a different light. Doing so will help us view others and the world not as malicious but as kind and open-hearted.

Becoming better versions of ourselves also seems to ask that we start seeing the good in people and in situations, rather than the bad. It asks that we see the sliver lining more often than we focus on the dark cloud. There is good in the world, and the more we focus on that, the easier it is to abandon the victim role and become the victors of our own lives.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

Meditation has become more and more popular of late, thanks in part to several apps that offer low-cost or free options to countless people. But, what is meditation and does it really involve having to completely clear one’s mind? The answer, simply, is not exactly.

I frequently find myself encouraging clients to consider meditation as a way to ease stress, anxiety and worry. But meditation also can be used as a way to give oneself time to rest mentally, which is particularly important these days, with what seems for some a constant assault on our senses. This is particularly helpful for those with stressful work or home lives, but really can be used by anyone. Some meditations or mindfulness practices encourage loving kindness, which, as many of us know, is helpful in what seems an ever-increasing hostile world.

What is meditation, though? Meditation is time spent quietly, thoughtfully, and requires practioners not to clear their minds but to be present with all that is, well, present. That may be sounds or people or what have you. Meditation asks us to simply accept what is around us and to be okay with all that is present. We do not have to clear our minds for the duration of the time spent meditating; that is nearly impossible. Most humans have upwards of 75,000 thoughts a day. We cannot be expected to simply clear our minds for a great span of time. Meditation simply asks us to be okay with whatever is present, to focus on a sort of home base, such as the breath or a quiet sound such an air vent or heater, or nature sounds, for a specific period of time, a few minutes to an hour.

I started meditating about two years ago and do so with some frequency. I have found that over the course of these two years, meditating regularly has allowed me to practice self-compassion with greater ease and to practice loving kindness toward others more frequently. This is not necessarily the goal of meditation, but it certainly can help in today’s world. Meditation also allows some people a chance to be still, to rest their minds and to simply rest and to just be. In our ever-so-busy lives, who would not benefit from three, five, 10 or 15 or even 60 minutes of peace and quiet and time to just be?

It may seem to some as though you do not have even a few minutes to spare to meditate. It may seem as though there is not enough time in the day to simply rest and just be. I may argue, though, that the time spent meditating, resting, just existing, affords us an opportunity to better tend to the tasks that we need to complete, be they at work or in our personal lives. Meditation can help us be better people for the people around us.

Meditation is not the answer to stress, anxiety or worry in our lives, but engaging in meditation can help us be better able to manage those feelings. Meditation affords us an opportunity to be okay with whatever is present in our lives, be it good or not so good. Mediation allows us a chance to rest and reset so that we are better able to handle whatever comes next.

Some smart watches and fitness trackers offer access to meditation apps such as Calm or Headspace, and those applications are available through most play stores. However, one can practice meditation by simply sitting quietly and focusing on the breath or another pleasant sensation, or by focusing on pleasant sounds such as birds singing or leaves rustling. The time you spend meditating is not wasted time; it’s time that affords you an opportunity be a better version of yourself.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP