For so many people, the last year has been replete with both challenges and successes, ups and downs, peaks and valleys. This likely can be said of any year, but with COVID still looming, wars in Ukraine and Gaza, wildfires, flooding, mass murders, economic uncertainty, the past year may have felt as though it was more bad than good for so many people. Still, there was good for many of us, if only we choose to look at it.

Life has a funny way of leaving us with all the feelings … happy, mad, sad, glad, ugly, other. And, that is okay. Whatever we are feeling is fair and valid. It may seem as though one day we are feeling just fine, and the next day we are struggling. That is normal. None of us feels great all day, every day. That is part and parcel of being part of this amazing adventure we call life. It is not perfect. It never was intended to be. But, we can learn from it and take those lessons into the future with us.

If we permit it, life can be our greatest teacher. We can learn from our mistakes, our perceived failures, our successes and everything in between. What did this past year teach you about you? Perhaps you learned that you are stronger and more resilient than you give yourself credit for. Perhaps you learned that failure is not final; that failure is part of success. Perhaps you learned that it is okay to seek assistance when you need it, for whatever you need. Perhaps you learned that it takes more courage to ask for help than it does to suffer in silence.

Life is full of lessons. However, life does ask of us to look at our challenges, our perceived failures, as lessons, things from which to learn rather than stopping points or road blocks. If we give ourselves permission to learn from life, we can move forward. Life asks us to have a growth mindset, so that we can move forward. If we view our challenges, our perceived failures as final, we will not grow and become the people we always were meant to be. And, life is about becoming the people we were meant to be.

Life wants us to find some measure of happiness despite all the bad with which we are confronted. We can choose to focus on what often seems as though a constant stream of negativity or we can choose to focus on what still is good in the world. We can give ourselves permission to find joy, to find happiness.

What has life taught you about you in 2023? And what of those lessons can you carry with you into 2024? As we let go of another year and ring in the start of a new year, what is your take-away? You can choose to let life be your best teacher.

Let the end of this year serve as a lesson, teaching you what you want the new year to look, sound and feel like. Give yourself permission to use those lessons to work toward becoming the person you always were meant to be. You are in control of you, of your life, of your future. Take charge!

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

There is some science that indicates that most humans have upward of 75,000 to 80,000 thoughts each day. Science also tells us that we are hardwired to engage in more negative thinking than positive thinking. This may have served us millenia ago, when we needed to protect ourselves from saber toothed tigers, though we are well beyond that now. Still, most people engage in some negative thinking and negative self-talk on what can at times seem a near constant basis.

What would happen if for this holiday season, you offered yourself the gift of positive self-talk and positive thinking? We spend so much time, energy and effort practicing kindness with our family, friends and other loved ones, why not do the same with ourselves? After all, negative self-talk rarely makes us feel better about ourselves, our situations, our lives.

So often, our negative self-talk is our harshest critic. We beat ourselves up for everything from mistakes made, to the things we said to other people, our behavior, the foods we consume. How does that really serve us? It may help in the short term, motivating us to perhaps try to do better. But over the course of days, weeks, months, years, decades, that constant negative self-talk will leave us feeling defeated, unworthy of love and belonging and as though we are undeserving of anyone else’s kindnesses.

What if, instead, we spoke to ourselves with kindness, as we might a family member, friend or other loved one? What if instead of calling ourselves derogatory names, we spoke to ourselves lovingly? What if we were as kind to ourselves as we try to be to others?

Speaking kindly to ourselves is perhaps one of the best gifts we can give ourselves. Oh, yes, a massage or mani/pedi, or tickets to a concert or football game are nice, but even the memories of those things do not last as long as the things we say to ourselves. While it is nice to treat ourselves to tangible gifts from time to time, speaking kindly to ourselves will last a lifetime and could perhaps change the way we think about ourselves.

When we engage in negative self-talk or negative thinking (referred to as automatic negative thoughts or ANTS), we rob ourselves of the opportunity to become the best versions of ourselves. Some may believe that if we constantly offer ourselves kindness, compassion and empathy, we run the risk of developing narcissistic traits. That is remotely possible, but highly unlikely. More so, we will develop a better sense of self and actually be better able to be kind to others.

This holiday season, could you offer yourself the gift of kindness? Could you attempt to replace some of your negative self-talk with positive self-talk or positive self-affirmations? Could you offer yourself the same loving kindness that you try to offer others? Perhaps a loving kindness meditation would assist with this, offering health, happiness and peace to someone you love, someone you struggle with and yourself. This meditation is brief. You can focus on a home base, such as the breath or a soothing sound as you sit in a comfortable but attentive posture. You start by focusing on someone you love and repeat in your mind, “May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be at peace.” Do this a few times and then focus on someone you struggle with. Repeat the phrases, or choose something that sounds good to you. Finally, offer the same kindness to yourself. “May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I be at peace.”

Give it a shot. My guess is that you will start feeling better about yourself, your life and your struggles.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

The holiday season is upon us, and, as such, life may seem to have warped into overdrive. Everything may seem as though it is moving so quickly. It may seem that we haven’t the time, space or energy to accomplish all the things. Couple that with the fact that, for many, it may seem as though the world is under fire due to raging wars, climate change, a vulnerable economy, political upheaval. What do we do with all of it?

For so many people, it may seem as though we simply are muddling through the holiday season, not truly embracing all that this time of the year has to offer. It may seem difficult to do so when we consider all that is going on in the world at present. Life may seem absurd. It may seem as though getting through the holidays is just one more thing we have to do. What would happen if, even just for a short while, we embraced what the holidays could mean to us? What would happen, if even just for a short while, we embraced the notion that life can be absurd?

How often do we give ourselves permission to embrace all the weird, all the strange, all the quirkiness of this wonderfully imperfect Earth that we live on? That may seem daunting, given everything going on in the world right now. Sometimes, we may feel as though the weight of the world literally is resting on our shoulders, leaving us feel so tired of what for many seems a constant barrage of bad news. Embrace the absurdity of life, rejoice in it. And, remember, that despite all the bad, we are surrounded by good.

We can choose embrace the absurdity of life by recognizing that along with all the bad—the wars, the flooding, the volcanic eruptions, the wildfires, the mass killings—there is good. There is beauty in our remaining nature, there are people who are kind and thoughtful and compassionate. There is a reason for this holiday season we find ourselves in. Part of that is to remember to show our fellow humans love and generosity.

It may seem as though there is little to be thankful for right now, but if we look hard, there still is so much for which we can practice gratitude. It may seem challenging to practice gratitude, but there is truth to the idea that gratitude is the birthplace of joy. When we look for the good, we find more good. And, despite the goings on in the world today, there still is good. We may have to look a bit harder, but it is there.

Maybe your life seems absurd. That’s okay. Embrace the absurdity and remember that there remains so much good in the world. Yes, times are tough for so many of us right now. That does not negate the fact that there is joy to be found, however fleeting the moment. Notice those moments of joy. Practice gratitude for the beauty that remains in this world, in people, in nature, in peaceful places.

We can hold both facts as true: life is both beautiful and ugly. We also can choose to focus on life’s beautiful absurdity and find joy in the small moments. We just have to give ourselves permission to do so. What can you do today to find the good, to notice the moments of joy, to practice gratitude for life’s amazing absurdity?

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP