Today marks National Relaxation Day in the United States, leaving me pondering the idea of rest and relaxation and why that is challenging for so many people. It seems as though many people view their self-worth and their worth in the eyes of others more on what they do than on who they are as people. This reminds me that we are not human “doings.” We are human beings.

We live in a society that places much value on peoples’ productivity. Many of us work at least one job, to pay the bills, rents or mortgages, to have money for goods and services. Yet so many of us find ourselves also engaging in activities that leave us feeling “productive,” such as completing household chores, attending to what one client refers to as “life administration tasks,” and doing all sorts of other things that leave us feeling emotionally, mentally and physically spent. We often humble-brag about all we accomplish during the day, while also voicing feelings of exhaustion, stress, anxiety and overwhelm, wearing those feelings as some sort of badge of honor. We eschew rest and relaxation, or self-care, as selfish or self-indulgent. So, we often forego those activities that actually bring us joy. We forego rest. We forego simply being.

I understand that there are some things that have to get done. Many of us have to go to work. The laundry, the dishes, the vacuuming need to get done. We have to make sure the electric, water and gas bills get paid in a timely fashion. We have to attend doctor and dentist appointments. But what happens to our brains and our bodies when we fail to give ourselves permission to rest, to just be? Indeed, our bodies will tell us when we need to rest. We will get sick with a cold, the flu, COVID. We will find our moods and spirits falling. We will find ourselves easily distracted. We will find ourselves sleeping perhaps more than usual or very poorly. These things likely more than not will happen at the most inopportune times.

This is just part of why rest and relaxation is so important. We are human beings, not human “doings.” We as humans are not meant to go 24/7/365 with no rest. We are not machines. We have to give ourselves permission to rest. And, sleep is just one of the ways we need to rest. We also need to give ourselves permission to take a break to just sit and stare and do nothing.

Furthermore, our value as human beings is not dependent upon our accomplishments, what we do or how much we get done. Our worthiness is not dependent upon how many of our To-Do List items we cross off on a daily basis. As Brene Brown has said, we do not have to hustle for our worthiness. We are worthy of love, of belonging, of respect, simply because we are human. No amount of “doing” will make us worthy in the eyes of those who cannot see and appreciate who we are as human beings.

There is so much more to us as people than what we do. Our self-worth cannot be reliant upon doing, doing, doing. Our self-worth cannot be reliant solely upon feelings of productivity because there is more to us as people than what we do. What matters most is who we are as humans. Are we kind, caring, compassionate, loyal family and friends? Are we considerate, thoughtful? Are we loving toward ourselves and others?

The more we come to realize that we are human beings, the easier it may become to give ourselves permission to rest, to just be. One of the ways we can do that is by giving ourselves permission to engage in healthy self-care, such as meditation. Meditation can be a radical act of self-compassion and a beautiful way to rest and just be.

How can you place value on your human being-ness today? What can rest and relaxation look, sound and feel like for you today? Can you give yourself permission to just be?

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP