For so many people, the last year has been replete with both challenges and successes, ups and downs, peaks and valleys. This likely can be said of any year, but with COVID still looming, wars in Ukraine and Gaza, wildfires, flooding, mass murders, economic uncertainty, the past year may have felt as though it was more bad than good for so many people. Still, there was good for many of us, if only we choose to look at it.

Life has a funny way of leaving us with all the feelings … happy, mad, sad, glad, ugly, other. And, that is okay. Whatever we are feeling is fair and valid. It may seem as though one day we are feeling just fine, and the next day we are struggling. That is normal. None of us feels great all day, every day. That is part and parcel of being part of this amazing adventure we call life. It is not perfect. It never was intended to be. But, we can learn from it and take those lessons into the future with us.

If we permit it, life can be our greatest teacher. We can learn from our mistakes, our perceived failures, our successes and everything in between. What did this past year teach you about you? Perhaps you learned that you are stronger and more resilient than you give yourself credit for. Perhaps you learned that failure is not final; that failure is part of success. Perhaps you learned that it is okay to seek assistance when you need it, for whatever you need. Perhaps you learned that it takes more courage to ask for help than it does to suffer in silence.

Life is full of lessons. However, life does ask of us to look at our challenges, our perceived failures, as lessons, things from which to learn rather than stopping points or road blocks. If we give ourselves permission to learn from life, we can move forward. Life asks us to have a growth mindset, so that we can move forward. If we view our challenges, our perceived failures as final, we will not grow and become the people we always were meant to be. And, life is about becoming the people we were meant to be.

Life wants us to find some measure of happiness despite all the bad with which we are confronted. We can choose to focus on what often seems as though a constant stream of negativity or we can choose to focus on what still is good in the world. We can give ourselves permission to find joy, to find happiness.

What has life taught you about you in 2023? And what of those lessons can you carry with you into 2024? As we let go of another year and ring in the start of a new year, what is your take-away? You can choose to let life be your best teacher.

Let the end of this year serve as a lesson, teaching you what you want the new year to look, sound and feel like. Give yourself permission to use those lessons to work toward becoming the person you always were meant to be. You are in control of you, of your life, of your future. Take charge!

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

There is some science that indicates that most humans have upward of 75,000 to 80,000 thoughts each day. Science also tells us that we are hardwired to engage in more negative thinking than positive thinking. This may have served us millenia ago, when we needed to protect ourselves from saber toothed tigers, though we are well beyond that now. Still, most people engage in some negative thinking and negative self-talk on what can at times seem a near constant basis.

What would happen if for this holiday season, you offered yourself the gift of positive self-talk and positive thinking? We spend so much time, energy and effort practicing kindness with our family, friends and other loved ones, why not do the same with ourselves? After all, negative self-talk rarely makes us feel better about ourselves, our situations, our lives.

So often, our negative self-talk is our harshest critic. We beat ourselves up for everything from mistakes made, to the things we said to other people, our behavior, the foods we consume. How does that really serve us? It may help in the short term, motivating us to perhaps try to do better. But over the course of days, weeks, months, years, decades, that constant negative self-talk will leave us feeling defeated, unworthy of love and belonging and as though we are undeserving of anyone else’s kindnesses.

What if, instead, we spoke to ourselves with kindness, as we might a family member, friend or other loved one? What if instead of calling ourselves derogatory names, we spoke to ourselves lovingly? What if we were as kind to ourselves as we try to be to others?

Speaking kindly to ourselves is perhaps one of the best gifts we can give ourselves. Oh, yes, a massage or mani/pedi, or tickets to a concert or football game are nice, but even the memories of those things do not last as long as the things we say to ourselves. While it is nice to treat ourselves to tangible gifts from time to time, speaking kindly to ourselves will last a lifetime and could perhaps change the way we think about ourselves.

When we engage in negative self-talk or negative thinking (referred to as automatic negative thoughts or ANTS), we rob ourselves of the opportunity to become the best versions of ourselves. Some may believe that if we constantly offer ourselves kindness, compassion and empathy, we run the risk of developing narcissistic traits. That is remotely possible, but highly unlikely. More so, we will develop a better sense of self and actually be better able to be kind to others.

This holiday season, could you offer yourself the gift of kindness? Could you attempt to replace some of your negative self-talk with positive self-talk or positive self-affirmations? Could you offer yourself the same loving kindness that you try to offer others? Perhaps a loving kindness meditation would assist with this, offering health, happiness and peace to someone you love, someone you struggle with and yourself. This meditation is brief. You can focus on a home base, such as the breath or a soothing sound as you sit in a comfortable but attentive posture. You start by focusing on someone you love and repeat in your mind, “May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be at peace.” Do this a few times and then focus on someone you struggle with. Repeat the phrases, or choose something that sounds good to you. Finally, offer the same kindness to yourself. “May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I be at peace.”

Give it a shot. My guess is that you will start feeling better about yourself, your life and your struggles.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

The holiday season is upon us, and, as such, life may seem to have warped into overdrive. Everything may seem as though it is moving so quickly. It may seem that we haven’t the time, space or energy to accomplish all the things. Couple that with the fact that, for many, it may seem as though the world is under fire due to raging wars, climate change, a vulnerable economy, political upheaval. What do we do with all of it?

For so many people, it may seem as though we simply are muddling through the holiday season, not truly embracing all that this time of the year has to offer. It may seem difficult to do so when we consider all that is going on in the world at present. Life may seem absurd. It may seem as though getting through the holidays is just one more thing we have to do. What would happen if, even just for a short while, we embraced what the holidays could mean to us? What would happen, if even just for a short while, we embraced the notion that life can be absurd?

How often do we give ourselves permission to embrace all the weird, all the strange, all the quirkiness of this wonderfully imperfect Earth that we live on? That may seem daunting, given everything going on in the world right now. Sometimes, we may feel as though the weight of the world literally is resting on our shoulders, leaving us feel so tired of what for many seems a constant barrage of bad news. Embrace the absurdity of life, rejoice in it. And, remember, that despite all the bad, we are surrounded by good.

We can choose embrace the absurdity of life by recognizing that along with all the bad—the wars, the flooding, the volcanic eruptions, the wildfires, the mass killings—there is good. There is beauty in our remaining nature, there are people who are kind and thoughtful and compassionate. There is a reason for this holiday season we find ourselves in. Part of that is to remember to show our fellow humans love and generosity.

It may seem as though there is little to be thankful for right now, but if we look hard, there still is so much for which we can practice gratitude. It may seem challenging to practice gratitude, but there is truth to the idea that gratitude is the birthplace of joy. When we look for the good, we find more good. And, despite the goings on in the world today, there still is good. We may have to look a bit harder, but it is there.

Maybe your life seems absurd. That’s okay. Embrace the absurdity and remember that there remains so much good in the world. Yes, times are tough for so many of us right now. That does not negate the fact that there is joy to be found, however fleeting the moment. Notice those moments of joy. Practice gratitude for the beauty that remains in this world, in people, in nature, in peaceful places.

We can hold both facts as true: life is both beautiful and ugly. We also can choose to focus on life’s beautiful absurdity and find joy in the small moments. We just have to give ourselves permission to do so. What can you do today to find the good, to notice the moments of joy, to practice gratitude for life’s amazing absurdity?

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

The human brain conjures somewhere between 60,000 and 80,000 thoughts per day and some science indicates that upward of 70 percent of those thoughts are negative. Some of those thoughts seem to run away with themselves, catapulting us into worst-case-scenario thinking, or catastrophizing.

What is “catastrophizing,” anyway? Catastrophizing is when we exaggerate the importance of something in a negative way, imagine the worst possible outcome without knowing all the facts, or when we use language that blows something out of proportion. Most of us engage in this kind of cognitive distortion at some point, often as a way to feel as though we somehow are in control over something over which we likely have little or no control. It can be our way of feeling more powerful over a situation, though catastrophizing often leaves us feeling worse and powerless.

We can hear catastrophizing in the way we speak to ourselves and others about perceived mistakes, physical or emotional pain we experience or when we hear bad news. It sounds something like, “I’ll be fired for that mistake I made. I’ll probably lose my house.” “My back is killing me.” “That lump I found means I have cancer and am going to die.” Most of us engage in this kind of thinking at some point, but there are ways to combat it so that we are not left feeling worse.

One way to minimize the damage of catastrophic thinking is to test the veracity of the negative thought. Examine the evidence you have to support the thought, as well as the evidence against it. Ask yourself if you might be jumping to conclusions without having all the facts or if you are overgeneralizing something by using all-or-nothing or black-and-white thinking. We overgeneralize when we assume an outcome based on only one or two past instances. It may be well to remind ourselves that just because something may have happened once or twice in the past, that does not automatically mean it will happen again.

Another way we can minimize catastrophic thinking is to consider what the likely outcome could be. Oftentimes, situations do not see the very worst possible outcome or the very best possible outcome. Give yourself permission to see the possible likely outcome given the facts you have. Try not to bend the story to your negative thinking. Once you have imagined all the possible outcomes, consider how well you would be able to handle the worst possible outcome. What are the chances that you would be okay after a month, six months, a year? Give yourself credit for navigating challenging situations from your past and imagine yourself navigating this one with success.

We engage in catastrophic thinking as a way to feel as though we have some semblance of control over a situation. In fact, this cognitive distortion often leaves us feeling more powerless. Search for the facts, find the answers and test the veracity of your negative thoughts. It may be helpful to remind yourself that most of us engage in negative thinking; that is only human. But, we can restructure our negative thoughts by examining the evidence we have to support them.

It also is important to remind ourselves that not only do most of us engage in negative thoughts, often when we do so when we are in the midst of struggle. As Brene Brown says, what we do not need in the midst of that struggle is shame for being human. It is well to remember to offer yourself some compassion for what you are going through and to remind yourself that struggle is part of the human condition. We all struggle but we can give ourselves the power to overcome the struggle by avoiding catastrophizing.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

We all have encountered folks who seem to find it challenging to find the good in any situation, person or experience. We all have encountered folks who seem to feel as though they constantly fall prey to the worst life has to offer. How do people fall into the victim role? And, what can be done about it?

I suspect those in the victim role are fairly unaware that that’s where they are in life. I suspect that they may notice that it feels as though nothing goes their way, that nothing seems to work out for them or that people seem to be acting with malicious intent. But what if some of what folks who find themselves in the victim role actually have more going for them than they realize?

How do we know if someone has become comfortably uncomfortable in the victim role? These folks tend to not look forward to the future, share the same negative stores, anecdotes or experiences with some frequency, engage in self-pity and seem to exude a sense of entitlement. People who are in the victim role often are defensive and are not open to criticism and often blame others when things go haywire or not their way. Folks in the victim role tend to complain often and reject other views. Those in the victim role tend to be risk averse and obsess over negative situations while being uninterested in solutions. They tend to find themselves in a place of judgement, which often stems from places within themselves that are not healed.

Folks who seem to be in the victim role also may find it difficult to trust others and often assume that others act with malicious intent, purposefully trying to hurt them. This can be the result of trauma. Their maladaptive behaviors often are learned over the course of years, if not decades. And while these behaviors may have helped them survive trauma, at some point they have become so ingrained that they have rendered the person unable to see the good in anything.

So, how does one move from being in the victim role to being a victor in one’s own life? Therapy is an option for many folks who find themselves in the victim role, as long as they are willing to do the work of therapy.

The first step, though, is taking responsibility for one’s own life. That may mean processing trauma with the help of a trained mental health professional. It also means that we have to accept the part we played in our past. That does not mean we acquiesce to the fact that we were traumatized in some way, but it does mean that we are responsible for choosing to heal from that trauma.

Moving away from the victim role also requires us to take steps to feel empowered and to develop a sense of self-efficacy. This helps combat any learned helplessness that keeps us from engaging in activities we may actually end up enjoying. It also helps us to realize that we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We can be the victor of our own life if we choose to believe that we are powerful. That does not mean, however, that we use that power over others. That means we use that power to improve our own lives, ourselves. It means we take responsibility to learn, grow and become better versions of ourselves.

Becoming better versions of ourselves requires that we practice self-compassion, speak kindly to ourselves and treat ourselves with the same respect we would want others to show us. It can be challenging to move away from the victim role if we do not treat ourselves with the same respect we would want from others. Similarly, when we offer ourselves compassion, this empowers us to view ourselves in a different light. Doing so will help us view others and the world not as malicious but as kind and open-hearted.

Becoming better versions of ourselves also seems to ask that we start seeing the good in people and in situations, rather than the bad. It asks that we see the sliver lining more often than we focus on the dark cloud. There is good in the world, and the more we focus on that, the easier it is to abandon the victim role and become the victors of our own lives.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

Meditation has become more and more popular of late, thanks in part to several apps that offer low-cost or free options to countless people. But, what is meditation and does it really involve having to completely clear one’s mind? The answer, simply, is not exactly.

I frequently find myself encouraging clients to consider meditation as a way to ease stress, anxiety and worry. But meditation also can be used as a way to give oneself time to rest mentally, which is particularly important these days, with what seems for some a constant assault on our senses. This is particularly helpful for those with stressful work or home lives, but really can be used by anyone. Some meditations or mindfulness practices encourage loving kindness, which, as many of us know, is helpful in what seems an ever-increasing hostile world.

What is meditation, though? Meditation is time spent quietly, thoughtfully, and requires practioners not to clear their minds but to be present with all that is, well, present. That may be sounds or people or what have you. Meditation asks us to simply accept what is around us and to be okay with all that is present. We do not have to clear our minds for the duration of the time spent meditating; that is nearly impossible. Most humans have upwards of 75,000 thoughts a day. We cannot be expected to simply clear our minds for a great span of time. Meditation simply asks us to be okay with whatever is present, to focus on a sort of home base, such as the breath or a quiet sound such an air vent or heater, or nature sounds, for a specific period of time, a few minutes to an hour.

I started meditating about two years ago and do so with some frequency. I have found that over the course of these two years, meditating regularly has allowed me to practice self-compassion with greater ease and to practice loving kindness toward others more frequently. This is not necessarily the goal of meditation, but it certainly can help in today’s world. Meditation also allows some people a chance to be still, to rest their minds and to simply rest and to just be. In our ever-so-busy lives, who would not benefit from three, five, 10 or 15 or even 60 minutes of peace and quiet and time to just be?

It may seem to some as though you do not have even a few minutes to spare to meditate. It may seem as though there is not enough time in the day to simply rest and just be. I may argue, though, that the time spent meditating, resting, just existing, affords us an opportunity to better tend to the tasks that we need to complete, be they at work or in our personal lives. Meditation can help us be better people for the people around us.

Meditation is not the answer to stress, anxiety or worry in our lives, but engaging in meditation can help us be better able to manage those feelings. Meditation affords us an opportunity to be okay with whatever is present in our lives, be it good or not so good. Mediation allows us a chance to rest and reset so that we are better able to handle whatever comes next.

Some smart watches and fitness trackers offer access to meditation apps such as Calm or Headspace, and those applications are available through most play stores. However, one can practice meditation by simply sitting quietly and focusing on the breath or another pleasant sensation, or by focusing on pleasant sounds such as birds singing or leaves rustling. The time you spend meditating is not wasted time; it’s time that affords you an opportunity be a better version of yourself.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

Human beings are complex creatures. We are comprised of bone and muscle and skin and hair. We are humans because, in part, we are capable of higher thinking and recognizing our emotions and feelings. But we are so much more than our thoughts and feelings.

If you think about it, our thoughts and feelings are like visitors; they come and go and rarely stay forever. Sadly, many of us struggle with the notion of letting go of certain thoughts and feelings, be they recurrent or perplexing. It can feel challenging to recognize a thought as, well, just that. A thought is just a thought. Just as a feeling is just a feeling. Some folks, though, tend to lean into their thoughts and feelings, leaving them open to the possibility of over-identifying with those thoughts and feelings.

It is so important to choose our words carefully when describing not just what we are thinking, but what we are feeling. If we use words that open us up to over-identifying with a thought or feeling, that can lead us into anxiety or depression. It may sound like a matter of semantics, but words really do matter.

Susan David, PhD., author of “Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life,” encourages us to consider creating space between our thoughts and feelings by using words to do so. For example, instead of thinking or saying, “I’m so stressed.” We instead can think or say, “I notice that I am feeling stressed.” The latter statement reminds us that “stressed” is just a feeling that likely will pass at some point.

We can give ourselves the power to step back from our feelings, whatever they may be, but particularly with those that are more challenging, by choosing to reframe the way we think about and verbalize our feelings. We can feel more in control of our thoughts and our thoughts about our feelings when we give ourselves permission to examine them more closely.

David goes even further, reminding us that feelings are neither good nor bad, positive nor negative. Yes, some feelings may seem somehow harder to manage, but again, most feelings are temporary. Rarely are we left with a feeling that lasts our entire lifetime. We can choose to not over-identify with our feelings by using language that creates space between us and our emotions. This may require us to slow down and really think about what it is we are feeling and use accurate words to describe our emotions. Doing so also gives us time to choose how we want to react to those feelings and decide what we want to do about those feelings.

Slowing down and really giving ourselves time to think about what exactly it is that we are feeling can leave us with the sense that we are more in control of not just our emotions, but our reactions to them. This can be handy in times of stress or anger, but doing so also gives us permission to recognize feelings of happiness, joy and awe.

Humans are amazing beings. We have evolved over millenia to be able to entertain complex thoughts and ideas but we also are capable of intense feelings and emotions, some of which may feel difficult to navigate. Allowing ourselves permission to step back from some of those more challenging feelings can help prevent us from over-identifying with those feelings. After all, we are more than our thoughts and feelings.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

For so many of us, it can feel as though there are constant demands on our time, energy and attention. From tending to work obligations, engaging socially, practicing hobbies, exercising, taking care of family and friends, the demands we face may at times seem endless. It is important to remember that it is perfectly acceptable to rest from time to time.

That word, “rest,” for some may seem daunting. It seems as though many people equate the word “rest” with being lazy. Giving ourselves permission to rest from time to time is far from being lazy, it is necessary so that we can perform at our best at work, at home and in our personal lives. But getting some rest means more than just getting sleep. There are seven types of rest many of us need to feel refreshed, recharged and rejuvenated.

The seven types of rest are physical, mental, emotional, sensory, creative, social, and spiritual. Each type of rest impacts a different part of our lives. All are necessary from time to time, and taking time to rest in one way or another does not mean that we are lazy. It means that we have given ourselves permission to take the time necessary to tend to our own needs so that we may be better able to care for those we love.

Physical rest means more than just sleeping, which is important unto itself. Physical rest can mean taking a day off from our exercise routines and just relaxing, which can be challenging for some people. It is important to remember that even elite athletes take rest days.

Sensory rest is important because for many it seems as there is a constant barrage of light and noise, dings and pings of notifications, constant sounds from televisions and radios and so forth. One way we can engage in sensory rest is to give ourselves permission to disengage from our devices, be it our phones, our tablets, our computers, our televisions or radios and simply just be. It is okay to sit in silence for a while and just breathe.

Emotional rest can mean reaching out to a trusted other to share your thoughts and feelings, or it can mean spending time alone in a place that gives you pleasure. That could mean taking a solo hike or walk in nature or being in a calm, quiet room.

Spiritual rest could look like taking a break from the spiritual demands we face on what can feel like a near-constant basis. Maybe that means praying or meditating quietly or maybe it means practicing yoga.

We all need mental rest, and for many that can mean unplugging and taking a break from the world. It seems more and more, we constantly are facing some kind of stimulation, whether wanted or unwanted. Taking time for mental rest can mean being away from the world in whatever way feels good and healthy, even for a short while.

Creative rest for some could mean letting go of the need to feel as though we must be productive all day, every day. There is something to be said for doing absolutely nothing. For others, creative rest could mean taking time away from the demands to be productive and simply work on something that brings you pleasure.

Many people need rest from the social demands we face on what seems a constant basis. While many of us are social creatures, many of us also need time to just be by ourselves, especially those among us who are more introverted. There is nothing wrong with turning down an invitation and simply spending time by yourself engaging in something healthy that brings you joy.

Taking time to rest your body, mind and soul does not mean you are being lazy. Doing so is imperative if we want to function at our best and be there for the people we love. We all need rest. What type of rest might you be needing? Can you give yourself permission to listen to your mind and body and take the time to rest?

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

In recent months, I have worked with several people who seem to struggle with the very idea of being kind to themselves. I have had discussions that have been close to arguments with people about the concept of self-compassion, what that means and when to apply it. Why is the idea of self-compassion so difficult for some people to grasp?

It seems as though part of the problem with understanding the idea of self-compassion is that some people seem to equate it with being lazy (I hate that word) or with letting themselves off the hook for real or perceived transgressions. This, to me, begs the question of whether it is possible to be both kind to ourselves and to hold ourselves accountable at the same time. Self-compassion can be likened to speaking kindly to ourselves, offering ourselves the same grace and compassion we might a family member or friend when a mistake or error is made. For some, though, the idea of doing so seems so foreign that it is nearly impossible to understand.

Kristen Neff, PhD, author of the book “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself” defines self-compassion as “being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain and flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.” In other words, self-compassion does not sound like self-shaming or berating ourselves for making a mistake. We all mistakes. That’s what makes us human.

Some people have argued with me that offering ourselves self-compassion for any real or perceived missteps on any sort of regular basis will leave us with narcissistic tendencies or inflated self-esteem or inflated egos. Likely more than not, what will happen is that we find when we are better able to practice self-compassion, we will be better able to offer others compassion, as well.

Offering ourselves and others compassion does not mean that we let ourselves off the hook for making an error. It means that we accept the fact that making mistakes is part of the human experience. We can lament our mistakes and beat ourselves up for being human, or we can choose to learn from our mistakes, apply those lessons in the future and move on. We cannot nor should not fault ourselves for being human.

For some, though, this concept seems difficult to grasp. Some people seem to believe that engaging in negative self-talk and self-flagellation is the only way to learn from our mistakes. I beg to differ. Engaging in self-shaming, negative self-talk rarely moves us toward feeling better about ourselves and rarely serves as motivation to do better. We cannot shame ourselves into self-compassion or self-love. We can, though, speak kindly to ourselves and vow to do better in the future. Growth does not stem from negativity.

So, what does self-compassion sound like? It sounds like the same caring responses we might offer a friend or family member who has made a mistake or error. It sounds like, “Hey, you’re doing the best you can with what you have right now.” It sounds like, “Making a mistake does not usually mean the end of the world. What lesson can you glean from this?” It sounds like, “You know, we all make mistakes. That’s part of the human experience.”

Practicing self-compassion more likely than not will not end up in us becoming narcissists or lazy or what have you. Practicing self-compassion likely will leave you feeling better about the possibilities of learning from your mistakes, applying those lessons moving forward and offering compassion to others when they make mistakes. We all are human beings, doing the best we can with what we have right now. We all make mistakes. We can choose to learn from them and move on, or we can choose to beat ourselves up for being human and feel badly about ourselves. The choice is yours.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

I have found myself recently wondering why it seems so daunting for some people to ask for help, of any kind. What is it that makes asking for help seem so frightening? There are many reasons behind why some people find asking for help so uncomfortable.

One of the reasons some people may find it challenging to ask for help is that they do not want to be perceived as weak. When we assume that whomever we are asking for assistance will see us as weak, however, we may be coming from a place of shame. Perhaps asking for help was frowned upon when you were a child. Perhaps you were told at some point that the only way to learn something was to go it alone. Perhaps you internalized a message that taught you that asking for help meant that you were stupid or unworthy. These sorts of messages can leave us feeling as though asking for help, of any kind, is bad or wrong. It may be helpful to remember that none of us can get through life without asking for help at some point. Asking for help does not mean that we are weak, bad, stupid or even codependent. We as humans are interdependent. We rely on others to get through life, and that is okay.

Another reason we may shy away from asking for help is because doing so leaves us feeling vulnerable. That feeling of being vulnerable for many can be uncomfortable and even a tad painful for some. Brene Brown reminds us, though, that vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage. It takes more courage to ask for help than it does to suffer in silence. Asking for help is a sign of strength.

Another reason some people may be hesitant to ask for help is because they fear rejection. None of us likes feeling rejected; it hurts. One way to lessen the chance that our seeking help will be met with rejection is to be clear about what we need and what we need to meet that need. It is okay to use statements such as “I feel X when Y happens and what I need in this moment is Z.” When we are clear about what we need and how we would like that need met, it can be easier for those from whom we are seeking help to meet that need.

Asking for help is not always easy. It may be helpful to remember that while seeking assistance can feel daunting, doing so may actually be less painful than suffering alone. We as humans are wired for connection. We need others to navigate the sometimes troubling waters of life. Remembering that none of us is expected to get through life without assistance may help us feel better about asking for help.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP