We are in the third week of the new year and we continue to navigate a global health crisis that has left many of us wondering not just how much longer we can endure this but what is there for which to be thankful? So many of us are finding ourselves in a negative headspace about the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, so many of us are tired of being in quarantine, of having to stay away from family and friends, so many of us are longing for a return to “normal.” What if instead of looking at the glass, as it were, as half empty, we opted to look at the glass in a different way?

It can be difficult to try to stay positive in times like these. So many of us are experiencing a tiredness, an exhaustion, a weariness stemming from the pandemic. These feelings can leave us with a heaviness, a sadness and leave us finding it challenging to find the good in … anything. But if you really stop and take a look around, there still is good to be found. We just may have to look a little bit harder for that good. We can find the good in small things that happen to us every day. Maybe you enjoyed a really good cup of coffee or tea this morning? Chalk that up to something good. Maybe you received a phone call, text message, email or video chat invite from a friend of family member. Chalk that up to something good. Maybe you had a colleague compliment you on a task well done at work. Chalk that up to something good. Maybe you heard birds singing while you were outside today. Chalk that up to something good. The “good” things in your day do not have to be monumental; they can be the little things that we sometimes take for granted. You may have to pay more attention to those little things now than you might have pre-pandemic, but they are there. Stop and look for them.

Looking for the good in what seems to be a constant barrage of bad news and what for many has seemed a long string of bad days can be challenging. Indeed, our brains are hardwired to pay attention to the bad stuff more than the good stuff. In fact, we are 70 per cent more likely to encode the bad than we are the good. It takes more effort to find the good than it does the bad. But doing so can literally change your outlook on life. If you practice noticing the small good things, even the smallest moments of joy, you can rewire your brain to be more positive. Doing so ultimately could impact your mental health, something many of us may be struggling with during these challenging times.

Yes, we continue to do battle with the coronavirus and now its more contagious mutation. We are tired. We are longing for a return to normal, whatever normal may look like once we’re past the pandemic. That does not mean the past year has all been for naught. I suspect the past year has taught you that you are more resilient than you perhaps previously thought. Perhaps this past year has allowed you time to slow down and spend more time with your immediate family. Perhaps this past year has allowed you to find new and creative ways to keep in touch with those you do not share living space with. Perhaps this past year has helped you think about who and what is most important to you. Perhaps this past year has afforded you the time to really get to know who you are and decide who you want to be.

There is always something good that comes out of something bad. You may have to pause and think about what that good is, but it is there. Looking for it, looking on the bright side, can help improve your mental health. Doing so takes practice but I suspect you will find that with a more positive outlook on life, you will notice your mood improve dramatically. Yes, the past year has been difficult but it has not been without its good and its lessons. What have you learned about yourself, your life in the past year during this pandemic? We could choose to look as the glass of life as half empty. We could choose to look at the glass of life as half full. Or, we could really take a step back and come to the realization that that glass is refillable. The choice is up to you.

We are nearing the end of what for so many has been an extremely challenging year. We remain in the midst of a global health pandemic that has left more than one million people dead. We remain in tough and uncertain economic times. Many of us are left wondering how much more we can bear. And while the year has been tough for so many of us, hopefully we can look back at the year and remember what we have learned not just about the world, but about ourselves.

Perhaps one of the greatest lessons 2020 has left us with is that we are adaptable. We have learned new ways to work, to attend school, to communicate, to show our love, to exercise, to practice self-care and to take care of both our physical and our mental health. We have learned that while some things have been canceled, like concerts and in-person school, other things like hope, faith, love and kindness have not been canceled.

When we think about hope, we know that hope is the promise not just that things will get better but the understanding that regardless of what happens, we will be okay in the end. The pandemic will, eventually, end. And although we may have lost loved ones to the virus, we will move on from grief, in our own time and in our own way. Hope reminds us that while we may have lost our job, something will come to us in the future. Hope reminds us that we can endure; it may be tough but we will make it.

When we think about what this year has taught us, perhaps we are reminded about who and what is important to us. What really matters in your life? Who really matters? I think 2020 has taught us to be creative in the way we reach out to those we love and care about. Perhaps this challenging year has afforded you the opportunity to reach out to friends and family in creative ways, such as video chats, snail mail cards and letters, text messages and old-fashioned phone calls. Perhaps this past year has allowed you the opportunity to re-establish connections with friends with whom you have not spoken in a while. Perhaps this year helped you strengthen emotional bonds with the people most important to you.

I think this year has taught me and others to be creative in the ways we practice self-care. I think this year has taught us that self-care is crucial to our mental health and that it serves to allow us to give the best of ourselves to our loved ones, rather than giving what is left of ourselves. I hope this year has taught us that self-care is not selfish, it is an act of self-love. Perhaps this past year has forced you to find new ways to better take care of yourself, both physically and mentally. Perhaps this was the year you found yourself struggling with depression and anxiety and so reached out to a mental health professional to learn ways to navigate those feelings. Perhaps you learned this year that it takes more courage to reach out for help than it does to suffer in silence.

And just as we have learned that it is okay to take care of our mental health, we have learned how important it is to take care of our physical health. Yes, arranging a doctor’s appointment has become more challenging but we have adapted to telehealth and found that helpful. We have learned not to take our physical health for granted by becoming creative with the ways we exercise, setting up home gyms and getting outdoors more often. We have subscribed to food delivery services to make sure what we put in our bodies is healthy and nourishing.

As we have nourished our bodies, we have found new ways to nourish our souls. Perhaps the year 2020 has taught us that it is okay to not be okay. Perhaps 2020 has taught us that to look inward for answers to life’s most perplexing questions. Perhaps 2020 has taught us not to take ourselves, our friends and family for granted. Perhaps 2020 has taught us who and what is important, where we want to put our energies. Yes, 2020 has been challenging on many fronts and we can choose to look at 2020 as bad or we can pause for a moment and remember how 2020 changed our lives for the better. The choice is up to you. I am not saying that for many people 2020 was not a year of loss. I am asking you to think about what you have gained from this year. Strength. Resilience. Compassion. Kindness. Hope. Love.

It seems, all of a sudden, the holidays are upon us. Winter is near and for many people, the combination of shorter days, a change in the weather and the chaos of the holidays can mean an increase in depression and anxiety. Add to that mix the fact that we are in the midst of a global pandemic and it may seem even more difficult to navigate this season.

How can we best take care of ourselves during what for many can be a very busy time of year? How can we best take care of ourselves when we are in the midst of a pandemic that has many people looking at renewed stay-at-home orders? The answer is to practice good self-care. Self-care allows us to better take care of ourselves so that we can take good care of our loved ones and also allows us to take our power back.

Some of us may struggle to decide what self-care looks like. It means different things for different people, as all things do, but here are some ideas you might consider:

• Wrap yourself up with a cozy blanket, a cup of hot chocolate and a good book.

• Light a fire in the fireplace and simply gaze into the fire.

• Listen to a favorite Christmas music.

• Pop up some popcorn and watch a beloved Christmas special or movie.

• Drive or walk around and look at holiday light displays in your city, town or village.

• Give yourself a holiday-themed manicure or pedicure.

• Make yourself a mug of tea and simply watch the snow fall.

• Put on some relaxing music and practice yoga or other indoor exercise.

• Bundle up and take a walk through the snow either by yourself or with a loved one. Remember what it was like to be a kid playing in the snow.

• Make a snow fort and have a snowball fight with your family. Follow it with mugs of steaming hot tea or cocoa.

• Build a snow man complete with eyes, nose, arms and scarf.

• Visit the Oak Park Conservatory or Garfield Conservatory (Garfield is free!) if you live in the Chicago area.

• Bake some Christmas cookies for yourself, a friend, a neighbor or deliver them to a homeless shelter.

• Remember to stay hydrated.

• Take up a winter sport such as skiing, snow shoeing or snowboarding.

• Take a hot bubble bath complete with candles and relaxing music.

These are but a few ideas and I am certain you can come up with more. These ideas may help you manage feelings of depression or anxiety that can crop up with the holiday season, particularly now that we are navigating the holidays during a global health crisis.

For those of us who struggle with self-care and may think that self-care is selfish, please remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup. If you do not take care of yourself, it is difficult if not impossible to take care of anyone else. Please try to remember that you deserve to take care of yourself, to nourish yourself, your body and your soul.

We are living in challenging times. Many of us are feeling the weight of this pandemic and taking care of ourselves is of utmost importance. It is crucial that we as we continue to navigate this pandemic and the holiday season that we take the time to take care of ourselves so that we can be at our best for those who we love and cherish. The holiday season can be challenging in the best of times, but even more so now. Remember that you deserve to make yourself, your physical and mental health a priority. Self-care is not selfish; it is an act of self-love.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

What strange times we are living in right now. We are in the midst of a global health crisis the likes of which most of us never have seen before. A pandemic that requires us to practice social distancing, keeping us away from our most treasured family and friends as we begin to celebrate the holiday season. It may seem as though there is little for which to be thankful.

With American Thanksgiving just days away and much of the United States seeing a surge in COVID-19 cases, it may be difficult to think about all the things for which we can practice gratitude. We may be feeling an increase in anxiety and depression because of the pandemic. We may be feeling evermore isolated and lonely after months of social distancing. We may be feeling restless after months of working from home, or not working at all. How can we even begin to think about practicing gratitude in the midst of all of the uncertainty caused by the pandemic?

For starters, we can be thankful for the opportunity to keep ourselves and our friends and family members safe by continuing to practice safety protocols such as wearing masks and social distancing. We can be thankful for the technology that affords us the opportunity to reach out to family and friends via video chats, text messages and phone calls. Consider for a moment how different our lives would be during this pandemic if those technologies did not exist.

Yes, we are living in challenging and uncertain times. Yes, many of us are finding ourselves weary and tired of isolating, tired of keeping our distance, tired of not being with our most treasured family and friends. Yet if we continue to practice gratitude for the fact that our people remain just a phone call, text or video chat away, perhaps we can weather this storm with a little grace. If we continue to practice gratitude for the opportunity to reach out to friends we might not otherwise have had a chance to communicate with, perhaps we can forge stronger connections and expand our social networks as a result of this pandemic.

It may seem as though there is little to be thankful for right now. If we continue to practice gratitude for those on the front lines of this pandemic, the hospital workers, the police and firefighters, other essential workers, perhaps we can manage to get through this together.

The holidays are upon us and this time of year always reminds me to practice gratitude for my loved ones. While many of us may not be able to be with our loved ones physically this year because of the pandemic, we can be thankful for the opportunity to reach out in creative ways to keep our connections strong. Yes, being physically separated from our loved ones is difficult but perhaps we can be thankful for the opportunity to keep them safe by practicing social distancing.

It can be difficult to practice gratitude during times like this, for sure. But if we remember that gratitude is the birthplace of joy perhaps we can navigate this holiday season with grace. If we afford ourselves the opportunity to look at this pandemic as a chance to slow down and think about who and what is important to us, perhaps we can come out the other side of this stronger than before. If we look at this pandemic as a chance to really look at our lives and practice gratitude for that which truly is important to us perhaps we will triumph over the virus after all.

Over the past several years it seems as though we on so many levels have seen a swerve from treating each other with kindness, respect, dignity and compassion to treating each other with disdain, hatred and finger-pointing. I wonder what would happen if we took a turn back to treating each other with compassion and empathy.

Over the past several years, my heart has become exhausted from seeing and hearing the hate-filled rhetoric that has become so pervasive on social media and in our communities. I find hatred to be so tiresome. I find the increasing lack of compassion toward others exhausting. I find the lack of empathy for others’ thoughts and feelings wearing me down emotionally and physically.

Perhaps one of the reasons we seem to be lacking in compassion and empathy for others is because we are not quite sure what empathy looks like. Brene Brown, my social work hero, offers a good, short video explaining the difference between sympathy and empathy. I share it hear and invite you to watch:

Showing others empathy requires us to dig a little deeper and asks us to sit with others in their feelings, rather than patting someone on the back and saying, “There, there.” Offering empathy to someone who is hurting requires us to sit with others’ uncomfortable feelings in a non-judgmental way that allows our other to feel seen and heard. I wonder what our world would look like if we offered others who are hurting, others who are struggling, more compassion and empathy. I wonder what would happen if, when someone tells us she is struggling, we offer empathy instead of likening her experience to something we have been through.

One of the worst things someone can say to another who is hurting is, “I know how you feel.” No, actually, you do not know how that person feels. You can only know and really understand how someone feels if that person shares with you her thoughts and feelings. Offering compassion and empathy when she does requires us to sit with those feelings without judging her and without likening her experience to our own.

If we are to return to an era of compassion and empathy, we need to ask ourselves what we are doing to make this world a better place not just for ourselves but for those around us. Offering those around us, who are likely fighting battles we know nothing about, compassion and empathy costs us nothing. Offering compassion and empathy to those around us not only lifts up other people but helps us in the long run by allowing us to see that we are all struggling with something. Offering others compassion and empathy helps us by reminding us that we are wired for connection and that we make strong connections with others by being kind. How can you begin to offer those in your life more compassion and empathy? What can you do to show those around you that they are not alone in their struggles?

There is so much going on in the world right now, things that are beyond our control to some extent. We are in the midst of a global pandemic with COVID-19. In the United States, we are in the midst of a contentious election season. Many of us are facing an economic recession with high unemployment and have experienced layoffs or furloughs ourselves.

Many of us are feeling a loss of our sense of control these days which has led many people to experience symptoms of anxiety and depression. Those feelings can leave us feeling stuck, even crippled and unsure of how to regain control. But what would happen if instead of trying to control things, we released our need for control. What if we instead leaned in and radically accepted that the only thing we really have control over is ourselves, what we do, what we say and how we react to situations?

Radically accepting that the only thing we have control over is ourselves does not mean that we condone others’ poor behavior toward us or the things others say or do. Radical acceptance means we accept things as they are. We allow ourselves to buy in to the idea that some things simply are they way they are and will remain that way regardless of what we do or say. Radical acceptance requires us to relinquish our need for control over that which is beyond ourselves. It reminds me a bit of the serenity prayer.

Knowing the difference between the things we can change and the things we cannot can free us from feeling as though we need to control everything around us. The fact of the matter is, we cannot control every little thing. Some things just are the way they are. We can choose to accept that or we can fight that, but fighting that can lead to depression and anxiety.

If we choose to accept the fact that the only thing we really have control over is ourselves, we can liberate ourselves from the need to feel responsible for those around us. And in fact, we are not. Coming to that realization can help lift us out of depression and anxiety.

Radical acceptance can help us remember to stay positive regardless of the situation. It does not mean that every situation will be good. Rather, radical acceptance can help us remember that while not every situation will be good, we can be good with most situations if we release our need for control. We can control how we react to any given situation and choose to remain positive, knowing that whatever happens we will be okay in the long run.

In what areas of your life can you release your need for control? What can you do to free yourself of the need to control everything around you? Can you accept those things you cannot change? Can you recognize that the only thing you really have control over is yourself, what you say and what you do? Doing so might mean the difference between living with depression and anxiety and living your best life.

We are in the midst of a pandemic, and I do not just refer to the coronavirus. It seems as though we are in the midst of a pandemic of hate and judgement. It seems as though the more I talk to people, the more I hear hate-filled rhetoric and judgemental statements about others. It pains me to hear this as I cannot help thinking that we are all in this together, this life. We all are struggling to do our best and it seems as though some people have found it easier to cast judgement on others rather than look inward and work on becoming more compassionate and empathetic to themselves and to others.

In my work, I hear from people in all walks of life. I hear from people across all races, colors, creeds, religions. I hear from people of all political persuasions. I hear from people from myriad cultures and backgrounds. I love that aspect of my job. It opens me up to learning something new from the people I work with every day. It opens me up, period.

I wish the same were true of some of my clients. I find myself working with a fellow who comes from a Caucasian upper middle class suburban background, who struggles with addiction and mental health concerns. This fellow has told me in no uncertain terms how he leans politically and socially. What I have noticed in working with him is that he offers little to no compassion for himself having survived addiction and mental illness and affords those who suffer the same little compassion or empathy. It makes me curious as to why, and I can only believe that he has trouble with compassion and empathy because he is not yet fully healed.

In speaking with him yesterday, he told me of his hatred toward certain people, particularly people who do not take personal responsibility for their life choices. Interesting, coming from someone who has made a series of what may be considered poor life choices. It reminded me that people tend to judge others from those parts within oneself that are not healed. We project hatred on people for qualities in ourselves that we find disdainful. We refuse to offer compassion to those we hate because we cannot offer ourselves compassion.

I wonder what would happen if more of us were kinder not just to ourselves, but to others. I wonder what would happen if instead of judging others, we accepted each other as perfectly imperfect beings who are doing the best we can with what we have. I wonder if instead of hating others who are not like us, who do not look like us, who do not think like us, we accepted them as they are. What would happen if instead of passing judgement, we came from a place of love? What would happen if instead of practicing hate, we practiced loving kindness?

It costs us nothing to be kind to others, to offer others the love we should be giving to ourselves. It costs us nothing to be compassionate toward those who are different from us. It costs us nothing to listen to others with not just an open mind, but an open heart.

We are in the midst of pandemic of hate. Perhaps we can change that by treating others as we would like to be treated, with respect and dignity for being human beings. Perhaps we can change that by remembering that many people are fighting battles about which we know nothing. Perhaps we can change that by looking at ourselves before we judge others.

This week marks Mental Health Awareness Week and today is National Depression Screening Day. Some one in five people live with mental illness at any given time in the United States. You may be one of them. As we mark this week, remember that it takes more courage to ask for help with your illness than it does to suffer in silence.

Major depression is more than just feeling blue or out of sorts. It’s more than just a bad day; it’s a deep down inside feeling that life itself is bad and isn’t going to get any better. If you or someone you know is depressed, please know that it is okay to seek help. Some of the symptoms of major depression are:

• Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness

• Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters

• Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports

• Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much

• Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort

• Changes in appetite — often reduced appetite and weight loss, but increased cravings for food and weight gain in some people

• Anxiety, agitation or restlessness

• Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements

• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or blaming yourself for things that aren’t your responsibility

• Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things

• Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide

• Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

Living with depression or any mental illness does not mean you have a flaw in character. It does not mean you are weak. Rather, it’s more likely a flaw in brain chemistry. Many mental illnesses can be treated with medication and therapy. If you are struggling, reach out. There are people who care and who can help you find your way out of the darkness of depression or other illnesses. You do not have to be alone, you do not have to feel that you are alone in your suffering.

If you are feeling suicidal, please reach out to a trusted other or a mental health professional or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.TALK.

We are in the midst of unprecedented times. A viral pandemic that has taken the lives of a million people. A contentious election year in the United States. A racial pandemic. Protests peppered with violence. So many of us are seeing so much bad in the world right now it can be difficult to see the good.

But, there is good, if only you take the time to look around you. In the midst of all the suffering stemming from the COVID-19 pandemic, the racial pandemic and the worries about the upcoming election in the United States, I still see beauty in the world and in its people. That beauty stems from those of us choosing to practice kindness and compassion.

Practicing kindness and compassion in times of chaos is a choice. One can choose to look upon the world and its people as though both are broken, or one can choose to look upon the world and its people as though both are improving. I choose the latter. I choose to believe that most people are doing their best to make the world a better place not just for them but for everyone.

If we choose to offer people compassion for doing the best they can with what they have, the easier it becomes to treat people with kindness. And that kindness costs you nothing. We can have different social or political beliefs and still treat each other with kindness. Just because someone is of a different political ilk does not mean he or she is a bad person. We can still treat that person with kindness and respect.

Treating those with whom we may disagree with kindness and respect says that we can disagree without being disagreeable. The cost of treating people with disdain is more than treating people with kindness. Treating people with kindness forces us to remember that people are doing the best they can. I have to believe that most people are doing the best they can with what they have. And that costs me nothing. Kindness costs me nothing.

Yesterday on the way home from visiting a friend, I was lucky enough to stumble upon a radio show on my favorite station that was discussing the important topics of mental health and suicide. I was reminded of my own struggles with bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, anorexia and my own suicide attempts.

One of the things that struck me during the discussion about mental health and suicide is that suicide is a leading cause of death in the United States and we have seen an increase in deaths by suicide in the past year. According to the Centers for Disease Control, suicide was the 10th leading cause of death overall in the United States in 2018, claiming the lives of more than 48,000 people. Furthermore, suicide was the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 34, and the fourth leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 35 and 54. There were more than two and a half times as many suicides (48,344) in the United States as there were homicides (18,830). Remarkably sad statistics to be sure.

One might wonder how we can prevent suicide. One way is to be mindful of your feelings. Are you feeling overwhelmed with profound sadness and hopelessness? Do you feel as though your life never will get better? Do you feel as though the emotional pain you are in will never end? Are you in excruciating physical pain that seems uncontrollable? If so, know that you are not alone. As many as one in five people live with mental illness at any given time and untold number of people live with physical pain. Know, too, that it is okay to not be okay. If you are feeling desperate, if you are feeling without hope, it might be time to reach out for help.

When I was in the depths of my depression and crippled with suicidal ideation, I thought my life never would get better. What I did not realize at the time was that my life was entirely up to me. So, with the help of my psychiatrist and my therapist, I started to take steps to get the help I so desperately needed. Now, I can say that my life is exponentially better because of the steps I took to improve my circumstances and my own life. The same can be true for you.

Once you get in touch with your feelings, it will be easier to name them and, hopefully, share them with a trusted other, be that a therapist, psychiatrist, friend or family member. Sharing your feelings takes courage, as does making the decision to take the steps you need to improve your life. It will get better once you take ownership of your feelings. Remember, you do not have to be a victim of the circumstances of your life. You can be a victor, a warrior, you can overcome the dark days by seeking the light that is within you.

If you are feeling that there is no hope, please reach out to someone who is able to sit with you in your despair. Know that it takes more courage to ask for help than it does to suffer in silence. Know that when you find the courage to ask for that help, you have taken the first step in improving your life. You have taken control.

Should you need immediate assistance with suicidal thoughts or feelings, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800.273.TALK (8255) or text the Crisis Text Line at 741 741. There is always someone available to help you through the darkness.