Most of us will engage in overthinking from time to time. This is, to some extent, normal and human. But when overthinking begins to affect our sleep, mood. outlook and emotions, we may need to find ways to avoid overthinking.

Overthinking is the habit of excessively analyzing, dwelling on or replaying thoughts, conversations, decisions, and/or problems such to the point that these become all-consuming and begin to lead to anxiety, depression, sleep disturbances and decision paralysis. Most of us will engaging in overthinking at some point. Some of us will take this to the extreme.

Overthinking often is an attempt to better understand something that already has happened, or can be an attempt to try to control a future outcome. Overthinking often leaves us thinking about past conversations or events, trying to make sense of them. But sometimes when we engage in overthinking about something that happened in the past, we are making some kind of attempt to rewrite history. Unfortunately, we cannot go back in time and change an interaction or conversation with someone. That time has already passed. We can, though, use that interaction or conversation as a lesson, informing us as to how to go about something differently, or better, in the future.

Overthinking something that already has happened also can involve self-shaming thoughts or feelings, particularly if we feel or think that a conversation or interaction did not go as planned, or we perceive that it has gone badly, or when we try to assume how another person felt or what they thought of the interaction, or what they thought about us. Humans can have a tendency to beat themselves up with self-shaming thoughts or use derogatory names to describe themselves or their behavior when a conversation or interaction did not go as we might have liked.

What happens when we repeatedly engage in overthinking is that we can end up in a downward spiral of anxiety and depression, reliving a moment in time that already has passed. This is our brain’s way of trying to make sense of something. This is also our brain’s way of trying to control a narrative that already has happened. Unfortunately, again, we have no control over events, interactions, or conversations that already have happened. But we can learn from them.

We as humans also tend to overthink about future events, things that are planned or conversations we need to have, as a way to prepare for something that has not even happened yet. This, too, is our brain’s way of trying to control the narrative. The thing is, though, that we have little to no control over what may or may not happen in the future. We have little to no control over how other people may behave in the future, and we have little control over what others may say in the future. Overthinking is our brain’s way of trying to control the narrative.

When we engage in overthinking, we often entertain worst-case scenarios that may or may not happen. Again, this is our brain’s way of trying to control the narrative. This can lead us down the rabbit hole of negative thinking or negative self-talk, heightening our anxiety and depression. This happens when we engage in all-or-nothing thinking, catastrophizing, mind reading, and jumping to conclusions. All of this can affect our sleep, particularly if our overthinking happens at bedtime.

So, how do we stop overthinking? One way is to reflect on what our triggers are for overthinking. For some people, keeping a journal of when we tend to engage in overthinking and what we’re thinking about can be helpful. Once you are aware of what triggers your overthinking, you can adopt coping strategies for situations that provoke overthinking.

Another way to combat overthinking is to really challenge your thinking. What evidence do you have to support your thoughts? What evidence do you have to the contrary? Really try to test the veracity of your thoughts? Are these just stories you have made up in your head, or is there really a good foundation for the thoughts? It is often helpful to be wary of the stories you tell yourself about what has or what may happen.

Sometimes asking to run some thoughts by a trusted other can be helpful, as long as you are open to their ideas. Asking them to be honest with you about your thoughts is important, so that you do not end up in an echo chamber. If you find yourself co-overthinking with that trusted other, that can actually make anxiety worse.

Another way to get away from overthinking is to engage in a healthy distraction, such as reading a book or watching a favorite show or movie. Engaging in an activity such as exercise or something else that will get your mind off things also can be helpful. Be careful to avoid using alcohol or other drugs to turn your brain off, as doing so can lead to other problems that may need a solution later.

If you are feeling anxious due to overthinking, a breathing exercise such as four square or box breathing (breathing in for four seconds, holding breath for four seconds, exhaling for four seconds) can be helpful. Meditation also can be helpful to manage overthinking and the anxiety that often accompanies it, as can practicing mindfulness.

Overthinking happens to most people at some point. It becomes troublesome when you find yourself in an endless loop of thinking that is not helpful. Remembering that we tend to engage in overthinking as some sort of attempt to control the narrative, either past or future, can be helpful. Reminding ourselves of what we do and do not have control over also can be helpful. This means reminding ourselves that what we really have control over is what we think, say and do. We have little to no control over what others think, say or do. Think about what you really can control. And remind yourself that overthinking is a human tendency. Beating yourself up for overthinking generally is not helpful and likely will not stop that behavior. Offer yourself compassion for being human, while challenging and testing the veracity of your own thoughts.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LCSW, CADC, CCTP