I recently had the pleasure of speaking with a young man who voiced frustration with what he perceived as a lack of effort by his mental health providers in helping him find his way to wellness. This fellow lives with mental illness and substance use disorder and was not finding the relief he seemed to want. The patient said that his providers were not giving him the answers to his problems. He wanted the providers to make him better.

To some extent, it is partially my job as a mental health professional to help make the people who come to me better. I hope to provide my patients with the tools they need to find their way from mental illness to mental wellness. Unfortunately, I do not have a magic want to make all my patients’ troubles disappear. There is no magic pill to make my patients suddenly better. Recovery takes time and effort and persistence. The fellow I met recently stated that the would leave his provider if progress were not made rapidly enough. What he failed to understand is that while as provider, I can help make you better, it takes effort on behalf of the patient to actually get better.

People living with mental illness, substance use, trauma and eating disorders just want to feel better. No one wants to live in the fog of depression, the fear of anxiety. No one wants to live with the albatross of substance use hanging around his neck. No one truly wants to be plagued with an eating disorder. These illnesses are exhausting and often debilitating. Finding your way out of these illnesses takes work, it takes commitment. We as mental health professionals can give you tools and resources to help find your way out of illness, but you as the patient actually have to put in the work to get there and stay there. We cannot do the work for you, and that is what this young man wanted me to do. I wish it were that easy.

Finding your way out of mental illness and substance use requires change, but changing your therapist or counselor every time the work of recovery becomes difficult will not make the process any easier. What so many people living with mental illness and substance use do not like to hear is that the change you likely are seeking starts and continues with you. You can change your surroundings, you can move, change jobs, change your friends, but if you do not change yourself and change your thinking, nothing really changes. You are the thing that has to change. And changing yourself does not come without effort, often repeated daily even once you find recovery.

Recovery is work. It does not come from wishful thinking. Recovery does not come from just wanting to be well. Recovery comes after taking the steps necessary to change yourself and your own life. Recovery takes daily effort, often with the help of a therapist or counselor and psychiatrist. Recovery takes time. It is not just about wanting to be well, it is about what you are willing to do to get well and stay well. How can you work with your treatment provider to find your way to wellness? What are you willing to change about yourself to find your way out of the darkness and into the light of being healthy?

I read a wonderful piece on TedX this morning about the narratives we grow up with and then tell ourselves as we grow into ourselves. So many of the things we have internalized and accepted as our truths are the things we thought we heard about ourselves growing up. When we are young and our brains still are forming, we tend to believe the worst about us rather than the best. We believe the things that tell us we are not good enough, smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough. Those are the lies we keep telling ourselves.

These lies we tell ourselves ultimately become the foundation on which we base our lives. These lies we tell ourselves become the foundation on which we begin writing our own narrative. Maybe it is time to change the story. What if instead of thinking we are not good enough, smart enough, thin enough or pretty enough, we start telling ourselves we are good enough. We are brilliant. We are perfectly shaped. We are beautiful.

We do not have to keep telling ourselves the same stories that keep us stuck in the quagmire of depression and anxiety. We can choose to start writing a new story, a new narrative for ourselves that will help propel us to a brighter future, a better, healthier life. The negatives we grew up with likely are not true. What are your positive attributes? What are your strengths? Look at those and lift yourself up. You cannot go back and write a new beginning to your story, but you can change course and write a new ending. You are the creator of your own life. You are the author of your own story. Do not let the tales of your past stop you from creating for yourself the life you not only have dreamed of but the life you fully deserve.

Changing the way you think about yourself can mean the difference between a life stuck in the quagmire of depression, anxiety, substance use and eating disorders and a life full of health and happiness. You deserve to be free of the albatross of mental illness. You deserve a life free of substance use. You deserve a life free of the specter of eating disorders.

It takes practice, but repeating to yourself positive affirmations can help you move away from the negative story you have been telling yourself. Tell yourself you deserve better. Tell yourself you are worthy of love and belonging simply because you are human. Tell yourself you are brilliant and beautiful and strong.

You are so much more than the negative story you grew up believing. It is time to believe in yourself, to look at yourself with love and write for yourself a story that makes you happy. It is time for you to change the narrative.

Recently, I have noticed a distinct change in the way I have been thinking and how it has affected my life. For years, I have struggled with the negative thought patterns often associated with depression and anxiety and have found that my thinking has taken a definite downward spiral. This has affected everything from the way I think about myself to the way I think about others and life in general.

I am reminded that in order to live a positive, happy and healthy life, one must change one’s thinking. Think positive, be positive. That does not mean that every minute of every day is going to be wonderful. It does mean that if you look for the positive in things, there likely is an upside to everything. Your life is about as good as you decide it is going to be. If you look for the silver lining, there is bound to be one. The way you think profoundly affects everything.

In an effort to regain my positive attitude toward life, I have taken to seeking out motivational quotes and readings to inspire me to think more positively. I have only been doing this for a week, but must confess it is helping tremendously. Perhaps you might benefit from the same if you are struggling with negative thinking.

What I had forgotten of late is that even on our worst days, our lives likely are not all that bad. Everything that comes to us from the universe is meant to help us learn more about ourselves and help us become better people … the people we were always meant to be. Trials and tribulations confront us to help us learn what our strengths are so that we can draw from them in the future when things get rough. Life is our greatest lesson, our best teacher.

When stuck in the muck of negative thinking, it can be difficult to reframe your thoughts to see the good in situations. I am trying to remember that even when things seem bad, there is good to be found and that there always is something to be grateful for. Gratitude is the birthplace of joy. How you look at things, how you interpret life’s daily challenges dictates how you perceive your life, yourself and others around you. Would you not rather see the good in things and lead a more positive life than dwell on the negative? What can you do today to improve your outlook on life? What steps can you take to change the way your think about yourself and your life?

 

As 2018 comes to a close, I am reminded of a challenge posed to me to practice self-love for the 12 days of Christmas. I must confess, I have trouble with this.

So many people equate self-love with being selfish. This is not true. Self-love means taking care of yourself so that you can better take care of those you love. But how do we practice self-love, especially after days, weeks, months, years of negative self-talk and not taking care of ourselves first?

One of the hardest things to do is to try to change our negative self-talk into positive self-talk. We call ourselves nasty names. We put ourselves down for failing to perform or succeed on a particular task. We are our own worst critics. Instead of speaking badly to yourself, try patting yourself on the back for persevering on a task. Try instead of calling yourselves nasty names, call yourself “darling.” Instead of criticizing your appearance, try focusing on the parts of your body you love and compliment yourself for those parts.

Self-love means taking care of yourself. What can you to for yourself today to take care of yourself and your emotional health? Can you listen to your favorite podcast? Can you listen to some music you find inspiring? Can you get outside for 30 or 60 minutes? Could you watch your favorite movie or pick up your favorite book? Could you eke out time to color, draw or paint? Find something you enjoy and make a few minutes or so to do that. The better you take care of yourself, the easier it will be to take care of others.

With the new year nearly upon us, now is the time to rid yourself of the things that made you unhappy in 2018 and years past. The new year offers 365 chances to create for yourself a life you are happy living. Every day is a day to welcome new opportunities to love yourself for the wonderfully created person you are. What can you do in 2019 to become the person you always were meant to be?

Recently, I was reminded how people living with high-functioning depression and anxiety, substance use disorders and eating disorders can find themselves feeling profoundly lonely and alone.

So often, people living with mental illnesses of any kind can find themselves feeling alone in their sickness. People living with these illnesses often feel as though not only do they not deserve love because of their illness, they feel completely isolated and alone in their sickness. People living with mental illness and substance use disorders often feel unlovable and often tend to isolate themselves because of those feelings rather than reaching out when they need company or help managing their symptoms.

What if instead of isolating yourself and withdrawing even more into the darkness of your illness, you reached out and said to a friend or family member, “Hey, I’m not doing so good today. Do you have time to talk?” It takes more courage to seek help than it does to suffer in silence.

What if instead of trying to navigate the deep waters of loneliness all by yourself, you stepped up appointments with your therapist or counselor to help you realize there are people who care about you and want to see you happy? A therapist or counselor can help arm you with tools to help you manage your symptoms. There is no shame in seeking assistance managing your illness.

There may be times when it is difficult to connect with others, when family or friends do not have time to talk. What to do then? This is the time to practice self-care and embrace your alone time. Try to find things that you enjoy doing on your own and learn to enjoy your own company. Take yourself out to dinner. Go see a move you want to see. Go for a long run or walk. Schedule a massage or manicure. Once you learn to love your own company, fending off feelings of loneliness becomes easier.

Everyone experiences feelings of loneliness from time to time. The trick to navigating these feelings is remember that there are people who care about you just a phone call or text away. And if you find yourself with no one to communicate at the moment, try to do something just for you that will help you manage those feelings. There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and making yourself feel better about your situation. If you need to, make an appointment with a therapist or counselor. We can help you remember that even when you are alone, you are worthy of love and belonging and that there always are people who care about you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It is that time of year again … running from here to there, searching for the perfect holiday gifts for family and friends, going to parties, baking cookies and other delectable treats, writing out Christmas cards. ‘Tis the season for giving to and doing for those we love. In all the hustle and bustle of the holidays,  it is important to remember to take time to take care of ourselves.

Finding the time to practice self-care can be difficult at any time of year but especially so during the holidays. Still, with everything we are trying to do for others, it is important not to forget ourselves. You have to take care of yourself if you hope to take care of others. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

What can you do during this busy season to take care of yourself? First of all, remember what makes you happy and try to find the time to do that, even if it is just for a short time. Do you enjoy exercise? Reading? Getting a manicure or massage? Do you enjoy listening to music or dancing? Do you enjoy art, woodworking or crafts? Try to fit in some time to take care of you.

The holidays can become overwhelming if we fail to take care of ourselves. We so often find ourselves trying to make the season perfect for those around us and we sometimes fail to take care of ourselves in doing so, leaving us both physically and emotionally exhausted. Now might be the perfect time to squeeze in an appointment with your therapist or counselor. Check in with yourself …. how are you feeling? How are you holding up during the holidays? Make time to take care of you and taking care of everyone else will be easier and more rewarding.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So often in my work at a hospital, I meet people struggling with profound depression, crippling anxiety, substance use, eating disorders and trauma. These people just want to stop feeling the way they do. They come to me and my colleagues for help and we try to get them on the road to recovery.

People come to us for just a few days for crisis stabilization. They meet with case managers and psychiatrists, social workers and nurses who help them take their first steps on their journey from mental illness to mental wellness. The doctors make recommendations for follow-up care once discharged. Most people are referred to outpatient mental health services and are prescribed medication that will hopefully make them feel better. It is astounding how many people do not follow through on the treatment recommendations.

What happens next is a common story: The patient stops taking his or her medication. The patient does not make an appointment with a therapist or counselor as recommended. The patient does not meet with the psychiatrist as discussed when in the hospital. The patient may continue to feel well for a few days, even weeks, after being discharged. But not long after leaving us, the downward spiral begins and the patient returns to us feeling miserable.

It is important to follow through on the treatment recommendations offered when in the hospital. We want you to feel better. We want you to find your way from mental illness to mental wellness. We care about you and do not want you to have to return to the hospital because you are miserable. Of course, we will be there for you if you do but if you can avoid a return trip by simply following the treatment recommendations, that would be wonderful.

Moving from mental illness to mental wellness takes a strong commitment and requires daily effort. Bringing oneself to the hospital for crisis stabilization often is the first step and we applaud you for coming. What you do after that is up to you, but we sincerely hope that you follow through with the treatment recommendations so that you can continue to move toward wellness. You deserve to feel better. You deserve a life free of the pain of mental illness and substance use. You deserve to be happy. Your happiness is in your own hands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The holidays are upon us and for many people, this can be a very difficult time of year. People who recently have lost friends or loved ones can find navigating the holiday season troublesome. People living with eating disorders can find the holidays particularly stressful. People living with substance use disorders can find this time of year nearly impossible to survive. It is important to remember that not everyone enjoys the holidays.

For those struggling with the holiday season, it is important to remember there is help available. This might be the perfect time of year to step up appointments with your therapist or counselor if possible. For those feeling overwhelmed, super stressed or suicidal there is the Crisis Text Line, which one can text MHA to 741 741 or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800.273.TALK. There are people who can help.

Of course, no one wants to be in the hospital during the holidays, but if you or someone you love is truly suicidal, do not hesitate to go to your nearest emergency room for help. There are people there who can help you.

The holidays can be a joyous time of year if you remember that you are not alone, that there are people who love you and care about you. Many people living with mental illness, substance use, trauma and eating disorders feel particularly alone during this time of year. Remember that help is just a phone call or text away. You do not have to navigate the holiday season alone. It takes more courage to reach out for help than it does to suffer in silence. If you are having trouble, seek assistance. No one will judge you for saying you need some extra care during this time of year. It takes courage to ask for help.

 

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of meeting a young lady who was crippled by severe anxiety. While we were talking, she told me that she uses marijuana daily to combat the anxiety. Unfortunately, what she did not know is that marijuana actually increases anxiety and paranoia for many users.

People think marijuana is safe. For many users of the drug, there are few side effects, but for some the effects are profound. We know now that for people with a predisposition to schizophrenia, heavy marijuana use can trigger schizophrenia. Marijuana use may make some users more relaxed, but for others the drug actually worsens anxiety and can lead to paranoia.

The lady I met yesterday said she used the drug as a coping skill. I asked her if she had other coping skills she might use instead and she said she did not. Here is a list of things that people can try during difficult times to manage anxiety and depression:

 

• Exercise (running, walking, etc.).
• Put on fake tattoos.
• Write (poetry, stories, journal).
• Scribble/doodle on paper.
• Be with other people.
• Watch a favorite TV show.
• Post on web boards, and answer others’ posts.
• Go see a movie.
• Do a wordsearch or crossword.
• Do schoolwork.
• Play a musical instrument.
• Paint your nails, do your make-up or hair.
• Sing.
• Study the sky.
• Punch a punching bag.
• Cover yourself with Band-Aids where you want to cut.
• Let yourself cry.
• Take a nap (only if you are tired).
• Take a hot shower or relaxing bath.
• Play with a pet.
• Go shopping.
• Clean something.
• Knit or sew.
• Read a good book.
• Listen to music.
• Try some aromatherapy (candle, lotion, room spray).
• Meditate.
• Go somewhere very public.
• Bake cookies.
• Alphabetize your CDs/DVDs/books.
• Paint or draw.
• Rip paper into itty-bitty pieces.
• Shoot hoops, kick a ball.
• Write a letter or send an email.
• Plan your dream room (colors/furniture).
• Hug a pillow or stuffed animal.
• Hyperfocus on something like a rock, hand, etc.
• Dance.
• Make hot chocolate, a milkshake or a smoothie.
• Play with modeling clay or Play-Doh.
• Build a pillow fort.
• Go for a nice, long drive.
• Complete something you’ve been putting off.
• Draw on yourself with a marker.
• Take up a new hobby.
• Look up recipes, cook a meal.
• Look at pretty things, like flowers or art.
• Create or build something.
• Pray.
• Make a list of blessings in your life.
• Read the Bible.
• Go to a friend’s house.
• Jump on a trampoline.
• Watch an old, happy movie
•  Talk to someone close to you.
• Ride a bicycle.
• Feed the ducks, birds, or squirrels.
• Color.
• Memorize a poem, play, or song.
• Stretch.
• Search for ridiculous things on the internet.
• “Shop” on-line (without buying anything).
• Color-coordinate your wardrobe.
• Watch fish.
• Make a CD/playlist of your favorite songs.
• Play the “15 minute game.” (Avoid something for 15 minutes, when time is up start again.)
• Plan your wedding/prom/other event.
• Plant some seeds.
• Hunt for your perfect home or car on-line.
• Try to make as many words out of your full name as possible.
• Sort through/edit your pictures.
• Play with a balloon.
• Give yourself a facial.
• Play with a favorite childhood toy.
• Start collecting something.
• Play video/computer games.
• Clean up trash at your local park.
• Look at yourlifeyourvoice.org.
• Text or call an old friend.
• Write yourself an “I love you because…” letter.
• Look up new words and use them.
• Rearrange furniture.
• Write a letter to someone that you may never send.
• Smile at five people.
• Play with your little brother/sister/niece/nephew.
• Go for a walk (with or without a friend).
• Put a puzzle together.
• Clean your room /closet.
• Try to do handstands, cartwheels, or backbends.
• Yoga.
• Teach your pet a new trick.
• Learn a new language.
• Move EVERYTHING in your room to a new spot.
• Get together with friends and play Frisbee, soccer or basketball.
• Hug a friend or family member.
• Search on-line for new songs/artists.
• Make a list of goals for the week/month/year/5 years.
• Perform a random act of kindness.

These are just some things you might try before turning to marijuana or other drugs to manage your anxiety or depression. You might think drugs make you feel better, but in the long run drugs actually change the structure of your brain and likely will make you feel worse. Not all of the ideas on this list will work for everyone. Find something that works for you and make that your go-to. You can manage your anxiety and depression by practicing coping skills.

If none of these things work and you are in need of help or someone to talk to, you can text the Crisis Text Line at 741 741 and someone will text you back.

 

 

Every day in my work and personal life, I am reminded that you just never know what someone is living with, the trials and tribulations one might be going through on a daily basis, the struggles one faces. I am reminded that it costs nothing to be kind.

In my job, I meet people who are stuck in the quagmire of depression, in the throes of mania, struggling with substance use or eating disorders. I meet people who struggle with thoughts of suicide or self-harm. It costs me nothing to be kind to them, to help them take the first step on the journey toward wellness.

Daily I am reminded that for some people, simply getting out of bed, into the shower and to their jobs is a huge accomplishment. It costs nothing to congratulate people for that accomplishment.

Not only does being kind to others cost nothing, doing so can lift our own spirits as well as the spirits of others. We so often are bombarded with negativity, being kind to others can be a bright spot in someone’s day. Simply smiling at someone as we walk down the street or holding the door open for the person behind us can mean the world to someone who is struggling with things we likely never will know and cannot possibly understand. Kindness costs nothing.

The more we are kind to others, the more kindness spreads. What is one thing you can do today to be kind to someone you know? What can you do today to lift the spirits of a stranger? Can you send an encouraging text? Can you call and chat with a friend or family member? Can you hold the door open for the person behind you? Small acts of kindness take little effort and likely could brighten someone’s day.