When was the last time you learned a new language? Perhaps it was when you were in school or perhaps more recently with a language-learning app on your phone. Remember what it was like trying to wrap your head around new vocabulary and new rules of grammar? For some, that may have been quite challenging. But I suspect the reward was great.

The same can be true when we retrain our brains to speak with love and kindness to ourselves about ourselves. Some studies show that our brains are hardwired to focus on the negative more than the positive. Some studies show that we are 70 percent more likely to engage in negative thinking than positive thinking. Consider how that affects us, our outlook, our worldview and our views of ourselves. What would happen if instead, we retrained our brains to be more positive not just about the world around us but about ourselves. What happens if instead of focusing on what we perceive as negative qualities about ourselves, we focused on the positive qualities? What happens in instead of engaging in negative self-talk we replaced that with positive self-talk and positive self-affirmations?

Oh, I suspect some people might wonder that if we constantly are propping ourselves up with positive self-affirmations and positive self-talk we may get big heads, lose our humility or become narcissistic. Likely more than not what really will happen is that we will notice a boost in our self-esteem, in our self-confidence and in our self-worth. The likelihood of becoming narcissistic is, in fact, quite slim.

If we think of speaking to ourselves lovingly as akin to learning a new language, just as we would with a different language, we must practice on a daily basis. We cannot undo years of negative self-talk with only occasional practice. We must commit to practicing positive self-talk, positive self-affirmations every day. That is how change happens. That is how we retrain our brains to focus on the good about ourselves rather than constantly dwelling on the negative and engaging in negative self-talk and self-flagellation.

If we start speaking to ourselves with loving kindness, the chances that we will start feeling better about ourselves is very high. We cannot shame ourselves into self-love. We cannot negative self-talk ourselves into self-acceptance. We cannot think negatively about ourselves and come to love ourselves for the perfectly imperfect beings that we are. We come to self-love (which is not selfish) by practicing positive self-affirmations, by speaking kindly to ourselves and by being gentle with ourselves.

But, how do we undo years, if not decades, of damaging negative self-talk? We do this by saying either aloud or quietly to ourselves things that are kind. We offer ourselves compliments. We focus on those qualities about ourselves that we like. We practice self-validation. Perhaps some of the qualities you like about yourself are your compassion for others, your loyalty and dependability. It is okay to say to yourself, “I am compassionate. I am loyal. I am dependable.” It is okay to say to yourself, “I have beautiful eyes. I have a winsome smile. I have great freckles.”

The more we practice positive self-affirmations, engage in positive self-talk and validate ourselves, the more we will notice an improvement in self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth and a feeling of love for ourselves. Doing so requires daily effort and daily commitment, as does anything else that focuses on learning something new. The benefit of doing so will be not just feeling better about yourself, but likely noticing the good in others and in the world around you. What might you be able to say to yourself that is kind, gentle and loving? Can you practice being kind to yourself by focusing on your positive qualities? Can you learn the language of self-love?

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

Social media has become for some an almost all-consuming way to pass the time. What seemed to have started out as a way to stay in some disconnected way, connected, has become a way for some people to offer a glimpse into our lives, or often, the best of our lives. For many people, consuming social media has become an obsession and one that allows us, with relative anonymity, to be critical of others, especially people we may not even know.

What started out as a way to stay in some way connected seems to have become a place for so many people to cast judgement on the lives, the thoughts of others. It has become a place that all too often is filled with hateful vitriol, thoughtless judgement and cruel comments. Many of us may find ourselves casting the first stone of judgement. But where does that judgement come from? What happens in our brains (and hearts) when we respond to someone’s post with a hateful, cruel or judgemental comment? Why not simply resist the urge to comment and simply be kind enough to let it go?

Science tells us that our brains are hard-wired to glom on to the negative. Some studies show that we are 70 per cent more likely to engage in negative thinking than positive thinking. What happens to us when we allow that to come out as negative, judgemental and hurtful comments. Are our spirits lifted? Are our days made happier? Are we somehow left in a better mood? Likely the answer to these questions is a resounding “No.” When we make hateful, cruel or judgemental comments we are not coming from a place of love or compassion or understanding. We are coming from a place within ourselves that is not healed. We are coming from a place within ourselves that needs tending to, care and curiosity.

When we judge others for the way they live, for whomever it is they love, for their life choices, we are not coming from a place of compassion and curiosity. We are coming from a place of misunderstanding. What would happen if instead we offered people who think differently, live differently, love differently, practice religion differently, our compassion and approached difference with curiosity?

What would happen if more of us on this planet paused and thought about what part of ourselves may be hurting before we comment on another person’s life? What would happen if we started focusing inward and thought about where we may need healing before judging another person for the way that person lives? We judge others from places within ourselves that are not healed.

Before you cast that first stone, before you make that hurtful comment, give yourself permission to really think about yourself and what that comment may be telling you about yourself. It takes a lot of courage to look inward and think about why you feel it is okay to pass judgement on another person. Think about how it might feel if someone were to make a similar comment about you, your lifestyle, your weight, your hair, your romantic choices, the person you love. Think about how your comments reflect on you.

None of us is without sin, if you will. None of us is perfect. Indeed, we all are perfectly imperfect. Social media may make it easy to hide behind a relative cloak of anonymity but that does not give anyone permission to make cruel, hurtful or judgemental comments about another person. Likely more than not, such comments are unneeded. Likely more than not, making those comments will not help anyone. Before casting judgement on another person, first look at what part of you may be hurting and in need of care. Tend to those needs. Resist the urge to be hateful and try coming from a place of compassion and curiosity.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

While it may seem as though it was just the Fourth of July, it appears the winter holiday season is upon us once again. For many people, this can be a time to celebrate with family and friends and to remember those who may no longer be with us. For many people, this time can be one of what can feel like, at times, unbearable stress.

The holiday season can be one of great importance to many people. We may find ourselves trying to get together with those we love, with our friends and families, with those we have not seen in a while for myriad reasons. We may find ourselves running from here to there and everywhere in between. We may find ourselves attending gatherings or hosting gatherings. All of this may lead to feelings of stress, anxiety and overwhelm. It always is important to remember to take time during this busy season to take care of ourselves, to take time to practice self-care and to learn to rest when we need to do so.

It also may behoove you to remember that it is perfectly acceptable to say “No” to those things that no longer bring you joy. If you are feeling overwhelmed by all the holiday get-togethers, it is okay to decline an invitation and send your regards. If you find yourself feeling stressed out because you have 35 people coming over for a gathering, it is acceptable to ask those guests to contribute a dish to the meal. You do not have to do everything for everyone all the time. It is okay for you to ask for help if you are feeling stressed, anxious or overwhelmed.

The holiday season can be a joyous time for many people while for others it can lead to feelings of anxiety. It always is good to practice self-care but perhaps even more important during this season. I have had several clients recently ask me what self-care is, what that term means. Practicing self-care means doing healthy things for you that bring you pleasure and joy. Perhaps it means making time to read a favorite book or watch a holiday movie. Perhaps it means scheduling a massage, manicure or pedicure if that is within your budget. Perhaps it means going for a walk or run or bike ride. Self-care can be anything healthy that feels good to you that helps you manage feelings of stress, anxiety or overwhelm. What can you do during this holiday season to make yourself feel good? What can you do to take care of your own needs. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Remember that it is okay to take care of yourself so that you can better take care of those you love.

Managing stress and anxiety during the holiday season can mean for some remembering that nothing needs to be perfect. When we strive for perfection, we may notice that we feel constantly let down and disappointed with ourselves, with a situation or with others if we expect perfection from them. Remember that it is okay to accept that you have done your best; that is always good enough. No one can ask for more than your best. It always is good to remember that you are doing the best you can with what you have right now. Remember that most people are doing the best they can with what they have. It always is good to remember that you are worthy of love and belonging simply because you are human, not because your Christmas tree is decorated perfectly.

With the holiday season now upon us, remember that it is okay to say “No” to the things that no longer bring you joy. The holiday season can be a stressful time for many people. Remember that it is acceptable to decline invitations, to cut back on your cooking or baking and ask for help. Doing healthy things to manage your stress, anxiety and overwhelm can mean a more joyous holiday season not just for you but for those you love.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

It seems as though shorter days and cooler temperatures are now upon us, leaving many people with low mood and less energy. For some 1 to 3 per cent of the population, this could lead to a type of depression called Seasonal Affective Disorder. This type of depression can persist during the fall and winter months for many but also affects some people during the warmer summer months.

What is SAD? According to the Mayo Clinic, seasonal affective disorder is a form of depression that primarily affects people during the fall and winter months when there is less daylight, particularly in locations farther from the equator. This lack of light can disturb the internal clock and may lead to feelings of depression. The change in seasons can also influence the body’s melatonin and serotonin, which are natural chemicals in the brain that play a role in sleep timing and mood. When combined, these factors may lead to SAD.

Seasonal affective disoder is more than just feeling blue during the colder weather months. It involves persistent symptoms of depression, including feeling sad, angry or irritable more days than not. For many who live with SAD, it can mean losing interest in once pleasurable activities, persistent tiredness that leads to sleeping more, and increased appetite, particularly for carbohydrates and sugary snacks. Some people may engage in suicidal ideation.

There is hope for those living with SAD, however. There are many ways to combat SAD, including engaging in regular exercise, maintaining a healthy diet, avoiding sugar and alcohol and getting as much natural light as possible. Many people also benefit from light therapy and light boxes can be purchased at many stores. Many people also benefit from medication to combat symptoms of depression, as well. Maintaining a regular sleep/wake cycle can also help combat SAD.

When living with SAD, it is particularly important to practice good self-care. This can mean anything from engaging in healthy activities such as reading or getting massages if that is within your budget to practicing yoga or other exercise. Many people also benefit from guided meditation.

Some people also find that the holiday season leaves them with sadness. For those who find the holidays challenging, it is good to remember that it is okay to start new traditions for yourself and your family so that you can enjoy this busy season the way you want to. Many people are reminded of lost loved ones during the holiday season and it is okay to take care of yourself in healthy ways during this time. What sorts of healthy activities do you enjoy? Are there hobbies you have been interested in that you might make time for during these colder weather months? Perhaps you have always wanted to try snowshoeing. When we start seeing snow, it might be a good thing to try.

Seasonal affective disorder affects many people. It may be helpful to remind yourself that you are not alone in finding the winter months challenging. If you find yourself struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out to a trusted other or mental health professional or dial 988 to speak to a counselor 24/7/365. We can combat SAD by engaging in healthy habits and by offering ourselves kindness and compassion. What things might you be able to do to take care of yourself during these months? How can you treat yourself with kindness?

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

My husband and I recently took at trip to Cape Cod to celebrate our approaching 25th wedding anniversary, making room for both of us to step outside our comfort zones. As creatures of habit and routine, both of us found the trip exhilarating and eye-opening. You see, to travel we both had to do a bit of growing.

Anyone who knows me knows that I love being near the water but as someone who is a very poor swimmer, I do not like being in the water. My husband and I had booked this trip to Cape Cod with the intention of going on a whale watching boat trip and we very much were looking forward to it. The day came for the trip, and on that day, the Atlantic Ocean was a bit rough with six to eight foot swells. When we boarded the boat for the trip, my husband encouraged us to sit up top, outside in the elements. It was cold and quite windy. I balked at first, wanting to say below where it was warm and out of the elements. Realizing that this would only leave me within my comfort zone, I agreed to join him on the upper, outdoor level of the boat.

The water was choppy that day, going both to our whale watching area and on the return trip back to Provincetown, MA. To say that I was merely frightened would be an understatement of epic proportions. I was terrified, of being cast overboard, of losing my belongings, of losing my husband to the angry seas. I did it anyway, and because of that got a better view of the roughly 15 whales and a sunfish that graced us with their presence.

Had I not met my fear with courage and compassion, I likely would not have encountered the whales the same way had I stayed inside in the warmth of the boat. Had I not met my fear head on, the trip could have been much different.

Meeting our fears with compassion requires us to spend some time exploring why we are afraid and to consider the likelihood that the worst-case scenario really will happen. Was I really going to be cast overboard into shark-infested waters? Was I really going to lost my husband to the ocean? Probably not.

When we meet our fears with compassion and curiosity, we may find that some of that fear melts away. What is the likelihood that the worst thing will happen? Will we be uncomfortable as we confront our fears? Probably so but nothing ever grows in our comfort zones.

I am very glad I chose to sit up top with my husband on the whale watching tour. Had I not, I shudder to think about what I may have missed. This trip opened my eyes to the possibility of change and the opportunity to grow. What fears might you be able to consider with compassion and curiosity? What might you be able to learn should you choose to step outside your comfort zone?

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

I thought October 11, 2010 was a good day to die. Instead, it turned out to be the day I was reborn. You see, I had lived with profound depression for 20 years before waking up one April morning in 2009 in a full-blown manic episode. My mood was severely elevated. I felt invincible. I had never felt this way before, as though I were super human. I had never felt so good in my whole life. But there was a down side. For the ensuing 18 months, I behaved badly, doing things I normally would never have done. Some of the things I did are, frankly, too embarrassing to share.

On October 11, 2010, I crashed. The manic episode ended. Everything came to a screeching halt. The depression came back with a vengeance and I felt like I had nowhere to turn and no one to talk to. I was lost. I ended up attempting suicide and landed in hospital for more than two weeks. That experience changed my life, so much for the better.

That experience taught me that no one can make me well, I have to make myself well. When I first started going to therapy more than 20 years ago, I looked to my therapist to provide me the answers to my life, to tell me who I am. Since then, I have learned that all the answers are inside me if I can find the courage to look hard enough. My therapist gave me the tools to get well, I just had to find the courage to use them every day to stay well.

Recovery is about more than just wanting to be well. It is about doing the work of recovery every day to stay well. It means using our coping skills as best we can. It means reminding ourselves that is okay to have a bad day as long as we do not unpack and live there. It means reminding ourselves that we are more than our diagnoses. It means that we still may experience symptoms of depression and bipolar disorder but those are just symptoms, they are not who we are. We are so much more than depression and bipolar disorder.

I will never forget those very bad, horrible, rotten blue days or my 18-month manic episode. Those days brought me to where I am today and I am thankful for them. Those days made me who I am. I bear those scars with pride. If it were not for the bad days, I would not be able to appreciate the good days. I am grateful for that period of my life.

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and that we are not given more than we are able to bear. I often used to wonder, “Why me?” Now I know that the better question to ask is, “Why not me?” I live with mental illness because I am strong enough to deal with it. But it takes daily effort to manage my mental illness. It is a constant battle, but a battle I am willing to wage because it is my life I am fighting for and my life is worth living. I know now that every day is a precious gift. I can choose to live my life or I can choose to lament my condition and wallow in my symptoms. I choose the former. I choose to embrace my life and continue to do the work of recovery.

I choose to share my story in the hopes that the more we talk openly and honestly about mental illness, the weaker stigma will become. I truly believe that mental illnesses are treatable medical conditions and the more we talk about mental illness, the more people will come to understand that we who live with them are simply people battling an illness as people who live with cancer or diabetes battle illness. We who live with mental illness can lead happy, healthy productive lives. We do not have to be slaves to our symptoms or live as victims of our illnesses. We can become victors of our lives by practicing self-care and using our coping skills to overcome our symptoms. We can become the people we always were meant to be and manage our illnesses as do people who live with other treatable conditions.

It is difficult for me to give up summer, as it is for many people. Summer is my favorite of the season as I often feel a sort of weightlessness about life during the warmer weather months. Summer seems less heavy to me than the cooler weather months. But often, while lamenting summer’s end, I do try to recognize the beauty of autumn and what autumn represents. Autumn affords us the opportunity to welcome change and to let go of the things that weigh us down.

Like the seasons, life affords us similar opportunities. Life is about change. It is about evolution. We can lament the end of one season and be slow to accept the new beauty of the next or we can do so with grace and recognize that we can change and grow, we can evolve. We as human beings are constantly changing. We are not the same person we were five or 10 years ago. We may not be the same people we were yesterday and we may be a new version of ourselves tomorrow.

One of the things I like best about the changing seasons of ourselves is that if we allow it, we can come to realize that welcoming change and letting go of the things that may be weighing us down can mean so many things. For some, it may mean taking a leap of faith and changing careers. For others, it may mean taking up new hobbies or taking a class. For others still, it may mean letting go of relationships that no longer serve us. All of this may be challenging, but the less we fight change the easier it is to become the people we always were meant to be.

It can be hard to engage in change, but I am convinced that doing so moves us closer to who we really want to be, who we are meant to be. Yes, changing careers can be scary and doing so takes a lot of courage. But if you no longer are passionate about or enjoying your work, doing so may be your best next move. Taking up a new hobby may require hours of practice and some trial and error, but in the end your horizons will be broadened and you could be better for it.

Letting go of relationships that no longer serve us could prove even more challenging. People become part of us. If you stop and ask yourself about the purpose certain people serve in your life, you may come to realize that some of your relationships no longer serve you. You may come to realize that some of your relationships are lopsided or transactional or one-dimensional. You may come to realize that some of your relationships leave you feeling worse about yourself and your life more so than they do good about yourself and your life. Part of embracing change means giving credence to these realizations and either changing the way you interact with such people or distancing yourself from those people. Maybe it means setting and enforcing better boundaries. Maybe it means ending the relationship.

The change of seasons can serve as a wake-up call to really evaluate ourselves and our lives. What is working for you and what, really, is not? Are you happy in your work? In your relationships? Do you need to make some kind of change to find your way to happiness and to become the person you want to be and were meant to be? Embracing change means focusing on the possibilities that newness affords us. Embracing change means that you are open to evolving as a human being. It means stepping outside of your comfort zone, or discomfort zone, as the case may be. Embracing change means that you are willing to welcome new opportunities to grow as a person. Are you able to do that? Can you take a step toward change and do something your future self will thank you for?

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

I have found myself in recent weeks thinking about the work of Susan David, author of “Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life” and TED Talk speaker. One of the things that resonated with me deeply is the idea of not letting our emotions identify us. We are more than what we feel, and feelings are temporary.

When we identify with a feeling, be it shame, frustration, sadness or anger, we can allow ourselves to become mired down in that feeling. David encourages us to consider our feelings, our emotions, as data to be used to remind us of what our values are and as a way to propel us forward. She encourages us to refrain from saying to ourselves something like “I am frustrated that I cannot lose these last 10 pounds” and instead say, “I notice that I am feeling frustrated about this. This tells me that I value health and fitness and these are the steps I can take to achieve the goal of fitness.”

Yes, it sounds a bit corny. Yes, it takes practice to retrain our brains to think more deeply about what our emotions are telling us. Yes, it requires us to be patient and understanding with ourselves. But, it will be worth it because it matters how we speak to ourselves.

If we can give ourselves permission to slow down and really think about what our emotions are telling us and to stop identifying with a feeling, we can use that information to make changes in our lives that could well mean the difference between living in depression and despair and living in hope and happiness. Happiness to some extent is a choice and we can choose happiness by retraining our brains to speak kindly to ourselves. Constantly engaging in negative self-talk and self-shaming is not the way to achieve happiness. Speaking kindly to ourselves and offering ourselves positive self-affirmations is a way to move toward happiness. Being gentle with and compassionate toward ourselves can move us closer to happiness.

Our brains are about 70 percent more likely to engage in negative thinking than positive thinking so retraining our brains takes practice. Moving from negative self-talk to positive self-talk takes persistence. Moving from depression and despair to hope and happiness requires daily effort and daily commitment. This may seem daunting at first, but the end result will be feeling better about yourself.

If this seems challenging, I encourage you to use a wet/dry marker to write on your bathroom or bedroom mirror a positive statement about yourself, such as “You are beautiful,” and practice saying that aloud to yourself every morning when you are dressing and at bedtime when you are winding up your day. Try doing this for a few weeks and try to notice if you start feeling better about yourself. Then, stick with it. Try a new positive self-affirmation. Be your own cheerleader.

What positive self-affirmation can you offer yourself to start? What nice thing can you say to yourself to start moving from depression and despair to hope and happiness? Notice what you might be feeling and use that data to propel you forward.

Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

Life goes so fast. It seems more and more that we constantly are being bombarded by notifications, dings, pings and demands for our attention. Technology has in so many ways improved our lives and in so many other ways has become a nuisance for many people. There are so many demands for our attention. We may find ourselves overwhelmed and unsure of how to react.

This can be true for some people with regard to everyday demands at work, at home and in our social lives. It may seem as though we are forced to respond to every notification, every request, every invitation, every discussion, every argument immediately. It may seem as though everything has to be done right this second. What if that were not true? What would happen if you were to give yourself permission to slow down and really think about how you want to respond to any given thing? What would happen if before you were to respond, you checked in with your emotions and feelings and the chose how to respond to whatever demand for your attention has arisen?

When we give ourselves permission to pause, think about what we are feeling and why, we give ourselves permission to respond with thoughtfulness and consideration. When we give ourselves permission to slow down and really consider our emotions, we can use those emotions as data to help us determine our next move. It takes practice, but it might be well to remember that not everything requires an immediate response. Some of the best responses to demands for our attention are those that are slow and deliberate.

Every day, we are given the opportunity to really think about which of the demands for our attention really are worthy of our responses. Some things may require a little more thought and that is okay. It may feel as though we must immediately respond to every text, every notification we receive with immediacy, but that is not always the case. Some things can wait. Yes, there may be emergencies that require a quick response, but not everything in our lives likely rises to the level of emergency. It is okay to think about how want to respond to many of the things in our lives that demand our attention.

Some people may find it challenging to slow down, pause to consider feelings and emotions and then respond to something with thoughtfulness because they are fearful of how they will be perceived if they do not respond quickly. It is well to remember that it matters less what others think of us than it does to respond appropriately and with care. I understand this can be challenging for some, and that is okay. The more we practice being thoughtful and deliberate with our responses to life’s demands, the easier it becomes.

Can you give yourself permission to slow down, pause to consider your feelings and then choose how you want to respond to life’s demands? Can you give yourself permission to remember that not everything requires an immediate response? Life goes so fast. It is okay to give yourself permission to take things one at a time.

Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

Recently, I have found myself deeply affected by the frequent use of inappropriate emojis on social media. I find myself heartbroken to see people responding to others’ misfortunes, health concerns or other tragedies with the laughing emoji. This has made me wonder what would happen if more people offered others some measure of compassion and empathy.

There has been much talk lately of compassion and empathy and of how we can practice these in our daily lives. Compassion and empathy are different from sympathy. According to Merriam-Webster, sympathy means “feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune” while empathy means “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” Compassion means “sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.” Compassion can be a tool of empathy.

My social work hero, Brene Brown, sums up the difference between sympathy and empathy well in this brief video …

Compassion doesn’t sound like, “Oh, I can relate to that” nor does it start with “At least … .” Nor does it sound like, “I know exactly how you feel.” Actually, no you do not know exactly how someone else feels as their feelings likely are different than yours even if what you endured was similar. Compassion sounds like, “I hear you. I believe you. How can I best support you in this?” It’s easier to practice compassion for others when we start practicing compassion with ourselves.

Compassion for others requires us to truly consider not just what someone else is going through but how they are experiencing it. While two different people may experience something similar, that does not mean that person A’s feelings are exactly what person B is feeling. The best way to find out what each is feeling is to have a conversation about those feelings. Better yet, ask that person what he/she/they might want in terms of support.

Compassion for others really is much easier to practice if we first offer compassion to ourselves. That means speaking kindly to yourself, being gentle with yourself and acknowledging that you are doing the best you can with what you have right now. Compassion for self breeds compassion for others. Maybe that means cutting yourself a break when faced with challenges or daunting tasks. Maybe that means telling that critical inner voice to take a back seat and listening to your inner cheerleader.

What steps might you be able to take to start practicing compassion for yourself so that you may be better able to offer that same compassion to others? Can you take a few moments to pause in whatever it is you are feeling to speak kindly to yourself? Can you take some time to really consider what it is you are feeling in any given moment? It takes practice to give yourself permission to pause and really think about your feelings, to get in touch with your true feelings but doing so offers an opportunity to practice self-compassion.

Life goes by so fast and our days are often stacked with challenge after challenge. It is okay to slow things down and let yourself feel whatever it is you are feeling, be it happy, mad, sad, glad or other. Notice what you are feeling and be compassionate with yourself, particularly if those feelings are hard or uncomfortable. Consider the idea that your feelings are data, giving you information about how to handle what it is happening. Consider the idea that feelings are like visitors, they come and go and rarely stay forever. Consider the idea that whatever you are feeling, you can always offer yourself compassion, much as you might want others to do so for you.

In a world that seems ever nastier, ever more heartless, what steps might you be able to take to turn that around? Can you practice offering others your compassion by starting to do so with yourself? Can you take the time to consider what others might be feeling? Can you ask people what they might be needing in terms of support? Can you be a bright spot in someone else’s world?

Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP