Can we enjoy being wrong?

Karri Christiansen, MSW, LCSW, CADC, CCTP, , Leave a comment

It seems as though we are living in an era when many people have concerns about being wrong, and what being wrong says about them. We currently live in a time when we are flooded with misinformation and disinformation, with many people doubling-down on their beliefs even in the face of new or updated information, or information that runs contrary to their strongly-held beliefs. We are living in an era when people seemingly cannot accept even the idea that they may be wrong.

What would it mean if we were to entertain the notion that we could, in fact, be wrong? It seems as though many people believe that being wrong carries some heavy meaning about them as human beings. What if that weren’t true? What if being wrong could be joyful, pleasurable?

In the book “Think Again,” Adam Grant encourages us to consider not just that we could be wrong in our thinking, but the idea that being wrong opens us up to the possibility of learning something new. What if instead of carrying the belief that being wrong means we somehow are defective as a human being, we consider the notion that we could be wrong about all sorts of things and that means we could be open to learning something new.

What if being wrong doesn’t say something about you as a human being other than the fact that you are open to learning? Could you take pleasure in the idea of learning something new? Can you entertain the notion that you can both learn something new and still hold onto your beliefs?

We can hold both the idea of being wrong AND stay true to our beliefs while entertaining the idea that others may have new or updated information. That does not have to say anything about who we are as humans, other than that we may have just discovered some new piece of information, as well as something about ourselves.

Being wrong is not a character flaw. Being wrong does not have to mean that we have to upend our way of thinking. It just means that we can be open to new ideas or new information. When we double-down on what we already think we know, we do not leave any room for learning. When we double-down on what we think we already know, we lose an opportunity to change and grow as people, as thinkers. It seems there is a lot of that happening now, in the age of misinformation, disinformation and living in the echo chamber of social media.

How do we open ourselves up to the possibility that we could be wrong? We enter into conversations with people who may think differently than we do and approach them with curiosity and compassion. We entertain the notion that we may not be the smartest person in the conversation or in the room. And we admit to ourselves that if we think we are the smartest person in the conversation or in the room, we likely are in the wrong room.

Life should be about learning. Learning is how we grow, change and evolve. When we open ourselves up to the idea of learning, we give ourselves permission to check our facts, vet our news sources and engage in compassionate conversation with people who think differently than we might.

Can you give yourself permission to consider that you may be wrong … from time to time? Can you give yourself permission to be open to new ways of thinking? Can you think like a scientist by checking your facts, vetting your sources, and verify that you have not been fed misinformation or have fallen prey to disinformation? Being wrong is not a character flaw. Give yourself permission to be a lifelong learner.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

Can we enjoy being wrong?

Is it time to HALT the BS?

Karri Christiansen, MSW, LCSW, CADC, CCTP, , , , Leave a comment

We are just two days into the new year and already I am hearing from people who are feeling stressed to the point of burnout, and as though the holiday season has left them feeling more tired than relaxed. I also am hearing from people sharing that their feelings of stress and anxiety and burnout and exhaustion have meant an increase in engaging in addictive behaviors as a way to somehow cope.

Those behaviors may have served a purpose at some point, but many people are finding that those same behaviors (such as consuming alcohol, marijuana or other substances, gambling, shopping or watching pornography) no longer are helping as much as they used to, or even at all. In many case, these behaviors are making things worse at home, work and school, with our family, friends and loved ones.

So why do we turn to such behaviors when, at best, they only work temporarily? Well, we do so because they once seemed to work for a while and we hope that they still will. Problem is just that: they only work temporarily and then we’re back to Square One.

We often turn to our addictive behaviors when we are feeling hungry, angry, lonely or tired. In fact, many Twelve Step programs remind us of the acronym HALT to give us pause when we are thinking about engaging in one or more of our addictive behaviors. If we can give ourselves permission to think about what we really are feeling and what we really are needing, we sometimes can avoid engaging in the self-destructive behaviors of any type of addiction.

For many people, reminding themselves of the HALT acronym can be helpful. Sometimes, though, there is more than just hungry, angry, lonely or tired going on. Sometimes, there’s also boredom or stress. If we try to remember to HALT the BS, we may be even more successful at taming our self-destructive behaviors.

Some people find that when they’re bored, they also engage in self-destructive behaviors because they feel as though they have nothing else to do. What could happen instead of engaging in self-destructive behavior is reaching out to someone, playing a game with friends either online or in real life, baking, knitting or going for a walk or run.

Often, when people are feeling stressed, they turn to those things that somehow bring them some measure of comfort. That could be using alcohol or other substances, binge eating, shopping, watching pornography, or gambling. But it could mean engaging in exercise, meditation or calling a friend or family member, or watching a movie or reading a good book.

We can remind ourselves that while our self-destructive behaviors may once have served a purpose in our lives when we have felt hungry, angry, lonely, tired, bored or stressed, those behaviors ultimately usually leave us feeling worse, setting ourselves up for self-shaming and negative self-talk (which perpetuates the cycle of using). If we can give ourselves permission to think about what we really are feeling and what we really need, we can avoid engaging in behaviors that likely more than not will leave us feeling worse.

Is it time for you to HALT the BS? What are you really feeling? What do you really need? Is it time to reach out to someone? To eat healthy food? Is it time to think about why you are feeling angry and what a healthy response to that anger would be? Do you need some good sleep? Are you bored? Are you stressed? What healthy coping skills might you turn to to HALT the BS?

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

Is it time to HALT the BS?

You can’t self-care yourself out of burnout

Karri Christiansen, MSW, LCSW, CADC, CCTP, , , , Leave a comment

For many people, it’s been a long year—and we still have a few weeks to go. For others, it’s been a rough start to the decade, having endured a global pandemic, what for many has been a challenging economy and now, a fraught election. We may be feeling stressed or anxious, or some combination thereof. Others, though, may be feeling something deeper, an exhaustion that just won’t go away. Many people are experiencing burnout.

What is burnout? And, how do we deal with it when we can’t just walk away from our jobs, our families or whatever else is causing extreme stress? Burnout happens when it seems that we cannot avoid stress and are feeling particularly anxious most, if not all, of the time. Burnout can be the result of giving too much of ourselves, such to the point that we feel we have little, if anything, left to give, be it to our jobs, our partners, our families, or whomever.

Burnout can feel like we have no control over some or all aspects of our lives. It can feel as though we have no say in how or when we do our work, be it with our schedule or our assignments or our workload. It can feel as though there is a lack of clarity over what your role is at work or at home. It can feel as though there is a lack of clarity about what is expected of you in any of your roles.

Burnout can manifest as irritability, leading to more frequent conflict with others. It can feel as though we either have too much or too little to do. It can lead to feelings of boredom. Burnout can also feel as though we haven’t the support we need to perform well in any of our roles, be it at work or at home. Burnout can lead to a lack of a work-life balance.

Many who experience burnout report frequent headaches, poor sleep and an inability to care for themselves. Others report that they have lost interest in activities they once enjoyed. Many of the symptoms of burnout are similar to those of depression and anxiety, and if left untreated, can actually lead to depression and anxiety.

It is important to take care of yourself in healthy ways if you notice yourself feeling burned out. It is important to practice good sleep hygiene, meaning going to bed and waking at about the same times every night and day. Most people do well with seven to nine hours of sleep.

It also is important to find healthy ways to manage stress. In addition to getting adequate sleep, it might be helpful to incorporate some exercise into your day. Studies show that at least 30 minutes of daily activity is helpful in warding off stress. Finding time for fun activities also can help with burnout.

Many people also find it helpful to set clear boundaries on their time, energy and space. That may mean having conversations with supervisors about workloads or with family members about care taking responsibilities.

One thing that is helpful to ward off burnout and to find some measure of joy in your life is practicing gratitude, which we have talked about before here. That does not have to mean that you’ve found a zillion dollars in a pot at the end of a double rainbow. It may mean that you enjoyed a really good morning beverage with someone you love. Staying connected with loved ones, be they family or friends, also can be helpful in managing burnout.

Lastly, while it may seem a good idea to comfort yourself with a piece of apple pie or chocolate cake or a venti double-caff, double-whip, double-caramel macchiato, or a three-blue-cheese-stuffed olive martini, that likely won’t help in the long run. What might help is nourishing yourself with healthy foods and staying hydrated with good, old-fashioned water.

Many people are experiencing burnout, especially now that we are in the winter holiday season. It is important to recognize the signs of burnout and to take care of yourself in healthy ways. Yes, self-care may help, but that is only part of the solution. Reach out to a trusted other, supervisor or mental health professional if you feel your symptoms are worsening or becoming unmanageable.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

You can’t self-care yourself out of burnout

What does it mean to practice gratitude?

Karri Christiansen, MSW, LCSW, CADC, CCTP, , , , Leave a comment

It seems as though the season of gratitude is upon us, though many people seem to be struggling to find things for which they are grateful. This is understandable, given the current state of the world. Still, if we take the time to look, there remains much to be grateful for.

With Thanksgiving being celebrated in the United States and other places just a few days from now, many people find that they are seeking things for which to express gratitude. Yes, given the state of the world, that can feel challenging. That may mean looking a little harder for things we are grateful for, or perhaps looking a little closer to home.

What does it mean to practice gratitude anyway, and why should we attempt to do so? Well, with everything going on in the world, taking the time to practice gratitude for what is good can leave us feeling less hopeless and helpless, less despair and less depressed. How do we practice gratitude when it seems as though the world has turned upside down. Well, I encourage you to start small.

I often encourage people struggling to practice gratitude to find three small things that are good, that made them smile during the day, or brought them some measure of pleasure. We do not have to think that we can only practice gratitude when we find a zillion dollars at the end of a double rainbow (which likely won’t happen, but maybe you found a penny on the ground). We can practice gratitude for the small things, like our morning beverage, and drill down on that.

For example, today I find myself grateful for my morning coffee, which I shared over conversation with my husband. I am grateful for the electricity I used to brew my coffee and the fact that I have regular, running water to make my coffee. I can practice gratitude for the people who grew my coffee beans and for whomever ground and bagged those beans, and for whomever manufactured my cup. Again, we don’t have to practice gratitude for the big stuff, we can do it for the little stuff, the stuff we sometimes take for granted.

We also can practice gratitude for the people in our lives … even those who think differently than we do or who live differently than we do. With many people gathering later this week around the table for their annual Thanksgiving feast, there are many things for which we can practice gratitude. Even Uncle Mike, whose politics may be different than ours.

Why practice gratitude in the first place? What good will come of it? There is some evidence that those who do practice gratitude on a regular basis are happier and healthier. Some people argue that gratitude is the birthplace of joy and that it’s not happy people who are grateful but grateful people who are happy. Some people find it helpful to write down at some point during the day (maybe over that morning beverage), three things for which they are grateful. Again, it doesn’t have to be three big things like you won a huge promotion with an obscene pay raise. Maybe it’s just that you have the ability to work.

We have 24 hours in a day during which we can find all sorts of things to practice gratitude for. When we do, we may find that our outlook on life may improve even just a little bit, we may feel happier. And when we are happier, we are healthier. Maybe we practice gratitude for that.

What are three things you can express gratitude for today? This week? This Thanksgiving? Who or what made you smile, or even laugh? Where did you find pleasure? What surprised you in a good way? Practice gratitude for that.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

What does it mean to practice gratitude?

What is your anger telling you?

Karri Christiansen, MSW, LCSW, CADC, CCTP, , , , Leave a comment

Many people this week in the United States and abroad have found themselves with a mixture of feelings about the outcome of the election here. People have voiced feelings of anger, sadness, frustration, dismay and even despair regarding the outcome. Some people have found themselves in grief over the loss of what could have been had the outcome been different.

What are these feelings telling us? If your primary feeling is one of anger, what is that anger telling you? Anger is a normal, human emotion that sometimes can be a protector of deeper, more tender feelings. Anger can be a signal that our deeper, more tender feelings need attention.

Anger, to some extent, is there to protect us. Much like a suit of armor, anger protects us from feeling those deeper feelings that, for many people, can be very uncomfortable. It is important to acknowledge our anger while also giving ourselves permission to explore what might be beneath that anger. Doing so can be empowering, and discharging it in healthy ways can also feel empowering.

Anger can also signal us that we may need to take healthy, appropriate action to protect our values. Many people may be feeling that with the outcome of Tuesday’s election, their values of kindness, compassion, grace, inclusivity, and tolerance are under assault. What might that mean for you in terms of taking action to protect your values? Could that mean that you consider volunteering your time, energy, effort, or money to causes you consider important? Could that mean writing letters to those in power to express your views and concerns? Could that mean taking time away from or limiting your social media consumption? Could that mean setting and enforcing boundaries with people?

Anger can be used to propel us toward hope. Hope is the antidote to despair as it can move us toward taking healthy, appropriate action to walk and talk our values. Hope can propel us toward taking the next, right step toward protecting our values.

Times are tough right now for many people. Many people have been left in a whirlwind of emotion stemming from Tuesday’s election. We may be feeling all the feelings, including anger. Think about what your anger is telling you and harness it. We can choose to use that anger to hurt others by lashing out in word or deed, or we can choose to use that anger to help ourselves AND others. We may be dismayed at the outcome of this election, but if we can choose to harness our hurt and anger for good and redirect it toward helpful, hopeful action, we can be the victors.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

What is your anger telling you?

When the world seems to be spinning out of control, what are we to do?

Karri Christiansen, MSW, LCSW, CADC, CCTP, , , , Leave a comment

Election season is upon us in the United States, leaving many people feeling concerned, frightened, fearful for the future and as though the country is coming apart at the seams. Couple that with climate disasters such as hurricanes, flooding and drought, as well as shootings and violence that seemingly occur on a daily basis, and many people may be feeling as though the world is spinning out of control.

These things, as well as a plethora of others, may leave us feeling as though we haven’t control over much of anything at all. Yes, we can do our part and vote our consciences on or before Election Day. Yes, we can take steps to reduce our carbon footprint and maybe make a small dent in combating climate change. Yes, we can be peaceful citizens and avoid violent confrontations with others. But much of what is happening in the world is well beyond our control. How do we come to terms with what is within and what is outside of our control?

One of the things we can do is recognize that what we do have control over largely is the being reading these words. We can control what we say and do, how we act and behave toward ourselves and others. We can to some extent control what we think and how we share those thoughts and with whom. Other things, though, are likely outside of our locus of control.

We can control how we choose to respond to the goings-on in the world, in our country, in our neighborhoods and communities. We can control how we choose to respond by giving ourselves permission to slow down and think about our next steps. We can control how we choose to respond to things by giving ourselves permission to be kind and compassionate toward ourselves and others. And we can remember that we have little to no control over what others think, say or do. Do we want to respond to whatever is happening with anger, verbal or physical violence? Or do we want to respond with grace and compassion?

Offering ourselves compassion and kindness for our sometimes challenging feelings regarding all that is transpiring around us can help us offer that same compassion to others. It behooves us to remember that while others may think and feel differently about politics, climate change, the Chicago Bears, that does not mean that their thoughts and feelings are invalid. They’re just different. And we can agree to disagree, peacefully, and move on to other subjects of discussion.

If we choose to disagree on a certain topic of discussion, perhaps that means setting healthy boundaries with others, be it friends, family members, colleagues. Healthy boundaries can be agreed upon amongst people, and can be held with compassion. Boundaries teach others how to respect us, and tell others what we will and will not tolerate.

Yes, it may seem as though the world has become unglued. Yes, you may experience challenging feelings about everything that is going on. What are those feelings telling you, about yourself, your values, the things and people you hold near and dear? Check in with yourself. Offer yourself grace and compassion so you can do so freely with others. And, set and enforce healthy boundaries.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

When the world seems to be spinning out of control, what are we to do?

Have you become comfortably uncomfortable?

Karri Christiansen, MSW, LCSW, CADC, CCTP, , , , Leave a comment

It happens to the best of us. We find ourselves in a situation or set of circumstances that, after a while, leave us wondering how we got here. Suddenly, we find ourselves feeling stuck or trapped or imprisoned. Well, how did we get here? How did we become comfortably uncomfortable?

What does it mean to be comfortably uncomfortable? What it may mean for some people is that we have become numb to or even tuned out from the emotional pain we have endured for days, weeks, months, years, even decades. What may have started out as something promising, even hopeful, somewhere along the road became painful. We may not even be sure how that happened.

Likely, though, is that we have made a series of choices, however big or small, to remain in a situation or set of circumstances that no longer serves us, is unhealthy or even downright dangerous. These choices may have seemed reasonable, even right, at the time but things have changed. Something has changed. Maybe us.

Now, we find ourselves involved in something that no longer serves a purpose or no longer makes us happy or no longer leaves us feeling fulfilled. Yet, for some reason we have chosen to stay. We have become comfortably uncomfortable. We may not yet be at the breaking point. We may have subconsciously decided that leaving this particular situation or set of circumstances takes far more emotional and physical energy than we can muster right now. We may have subconsciously decided that we deserve to be where we are. We may have subconsciously made the choice to remain. We may have convinced ourselves that we haven’t the courage to change our circumstances or leave a given situation.

My guess is that you are more courageous than you give yourself credit for. My guess is that you are far braver than you think you are. Yes, leaving the situation you have found yourself in may be scary. Yes, abandoning the set of circumstances that have left you comfortably uncomfortable may leave you feeling grief. Yes, this could be difficult. Yes, you can do difficult things.

We have the power to make the decision to stop doing the thing that no longer brings us joy. We have the power to leave a situation that no longer serves us. We have the power to take back our lives so that we feel fulfilled, happy and healthy. We have that power. We just have to give ourselves permission to take our lives back. We deserve to take our lives back.

Sometimes, the thing that keeps us feeling comfortably uncomfortable is actually us. We’ve fallen prey to a series of choices that, while once may have served us, no longer make sense. We have the power to say “I’m done with this.” We have the power to say “No” to the thing that no longer brings us joy. We can take back our power by intentionally making healthier choices. We can take back our power by making choices that truly serve us. We can take back our power by making choices that are right for us and us alone. What can you do today to take back your power? How will you choose courage over comfort?

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

Have you become comfortably uncomfortable?

Change is part of life, like our seasons

Karri Christiansen, MSW, LCSW, CADC, CCTP, , , , Leave a comment

We are nearing that time of year when summer slowly collapses into autumn or spring blossoms into summer, reminding us that everything on this planet evolves and changes. This time of year can remind us of how good it can feel to embrace the newness of the next season, and how good it can feel to let go of the things that weigh us down.

The change of seasons can serve as a reminder that the more we hold on to the past, the more it keeps us from moving forward in our lives. We can use this time of year to remind ourselves that the past is just that: the past. We can use the past as a lesson; something to learn from. We do not have to view the past as a life sentence, something that weighs us down.

This time of year affords all of us an opportunity to think about what we want this next season to look, sound and feel like. This time of year affords us an opportunity to move closer toward our goals, closer to our values and closer to who we want to become.

One of the best things about the change of seasons, be it summer into fall or spring into summer, is that it allows us to learn about who we are becoming. The change of seasons affords us an opportunity to learn from the preceding months and apply what we have learned. We can use what we have learned about ourselves to move closer to who we want to become and how we want to evolve. After all, change is part of life … if we let it be.

We can go kicking and screaming into this next season of our lives or we can embrace the fact that change is part of life. Change can be beautiful, if only we embrace the new more than we hold onto the old. Each new season of our lives can serve as a lesson, offering us information about where we are headed and where we want to go. There is beauty in each season of life, and while we may have to look harder for it during some seasons, it is there. We can embrace the fact that each season is beautiful in its own right or we can choose to lament a season’s end. When we choose to see the beauty in each new season, it can make this transition easier for us to accept.

What steps can you take to embrace change, the change of the seasons and change happening in your life right now? How can you embrace the new and let go of the old? What may be weighing you down that you can move away from?

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

Change is part of life, like our seasons

Perfectionism and struggling with feeling not good enough

Karri Christiansen, MSW, LCSW, CADC, CCTPLeave a comment

We live in an era of social comparison, in large part due to the prevalence of social media such as Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. All of these platforms encourage many people to post what at first glance appears to be images of all the people living their best lives ever. What these social media platforms often fail to do is show those who engage that most of those people, be they so-called “influencers,” or regular everyday folks, also struggle on a frequent basis.

Social media encourages social comparison and often leaves those who engage with feelings of low self-worth, low self-esteem and a persistent feeling of not being good enough. This is also true of people who do not engage in social media but who may have been influenced by comments made by parents, teachers, peers, colleagues or even friends. Such comments may have been offered as a way to motivate but really serve to feed perfectionism.

What is perfectionism and how can we move away from it? Perfectionism is a trait many people possess and can encourage people to try to meet unreasonable or even impossible standards. Many people who struggle with perfectionism find themselves ruminating over details, with intrusive thoughts and negative self-talk. Many people who struggle with perfectionism often find themselves with a pervasive sense of not being good enough, pretty enough, fit enough, smart enough, talented enough … enough of anything.

What perfectionism does is rob us of our humanity. Perfectionism tells us we are not worthy of love or belonging because we haven’t done something perfectly. What we often fail to remember is that we all are perfectly imperfect beings. None of us is perfect and trying to be perfect can lead to depression and anxiety. Perfectionism is exhausting.

What happens when we strive for perfection is that we often notice a pervasive feeling of disappointment, in ourselves, in our accomplishments, in who we are as human beings. Perfectionism tells us that our best is never good enough, therefore we are not good enough. Perfectionism tells us that we are somehow less than if we fail to meet some unattainable standard set either by ourselves or by someone else. And when we constantly feel as though we are somehow less than, we fail to recognize that our best is all anyone, including ourselves, can ask of us.

The antidote to perfectionism is self-compassion. And while self-compassion seems to some to be some kind of radical notion, it allows us to throw off the shackles of perfectionism. When we give ourselves credit, grace and compassion for doing the best we can with what we have in the moment, we can start to tackle the monster that is perfectionism. When we offer ourselves compassion, we give ourselves permission to recognize that nothing on this planet is perfect, that all beings are perfectly imperfect and also worthy of love and belonging.

Offering ourselves compassion does not mean we do not hold ourselves accountable. It means that we do the best with what we have. It means that we give ourselves permission to accept that our best is good enough and that trying to give more than 100 percent is not actually possible. We can strive for excellence by doing our best. When we strive for perfection, we almost always will feel disappointed because nothing is perfect.

The next time you find yourself in battle with the monster that is perfectionism, try offering yourself compassion for doing the best you can with what you have right now. Remember that it is okay to hold yourself accountable for meeting reasonable standards but that perfectionism means that that standard is nearly always just out of reach. Striving for perfection likely will leave you feeling exhausted and as though you are not good enough. You are good enough. You are more than enough.

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

Perfectionism and struggling with feeling not good enough

We are not human “doings”

Karri Christiansen, MSW, LCSW, CADC, CCTPLeave a comment

Today marks National Relaxation Day in the United States, leaving me pondering the idea of rest and relaxation and why that is challenging for so many people. It seems as though many people view their self-worth and their worth in the eyes of others more on what they do than on who they are as people. This reminds me that we are not human “doings.” We are human beings.

We live in a society that places much value on peoples’ productivity. Many of us work at least one job, to pay the bills, rents or mortgages, to have money for goods and services. Yet so many of us find ourselves also engaging in activities that leave us feeling “productive,” such as completing household chores, attending to what one client refers to as “life administration tasks,” and doing all sorts of other things that leave us feeling emotionally, mentally and physically spent. We often humble-brag about all we accomplish during the day, while also voicing feelings of exhaustion, stress, anxiety and overwhelm, wearing those feelings as some sort of badge of honor. We eschew rest and relaxation, or self-care, as selfish or self-indulgent. So, we often forego those activities that actually bring us joy. We forego rest. We forego simply being.

I understand that there are some things that have to get done. Many of us have to go to work. The laundry, the dishes, the vacuuming need to get done. We have to make sure the electric, water and gas bills get paid in a timely fashion. We have to attend doctor and dentist appointments. But what happens to our brains and our bodies when we fail to give ourselves permission to rest, to just be? Indeed, our bodies will tell us when we need to rest. We will get sick with a cold, the flu, COVID. We will find our moods and spirits falling. We will find ourselves easily distracted. We will find ourselves sleeping perhaps more than usual or very poorly. These things likely more than not will happen at the most inopportune times.

This is just part of why rest and relaxation is so important. We are human beings, not human “doings.” We as humans are not meant to go 24/7/365 with no rest. We are not machines. We have to give ourselves permission to rest. And, sleep is just one of the ways we need to rest. We also need to give ourselves permission to take a break to just sit and stare and do nothing.

Furthermore, our value as human beings is not dependent upon our accomplishments, what we do or how much we get done. Our worthiness is not dependent upon how many of our To-Do List items we cross off on a daily basis. As Brene Brown has said, we do not have to hustle for our worthiness. We are worthy of love, of belonging, of respect, simply because we are human. No amount of “doing” will make us worthy in the eyes of those who cannot see and appreciate who we are as human beings.

There is so much more to us as people than what we do. Our self-worth cannot be reliant upon doing, doing, doing. Our self-worth cannot be reliant solely upon feelings of productivity because there is more to us as people than what we do. What matters most is who we are as humans. Are we kind, caring, compassionate, loyal family and friends? Are we considerate, thoughtful? Are we loving toward ourselves and others?

The more we come to realize that we are human beings, the easier it may become to give ourselves permission to rest, to just be. One of the ways we can do that is by giving ourselves permission to engage in healthy self-care, such as meditation. Meditation can be a radical act of self-compassion and a beautiful way to rest and just be.

How can you place value on your human being-ness today? What can rest and relaxation look, sound and feel like for you today? Can you give yourself permission to just be?

~ Karri Christiansen, MSW, LSW, CADC, CCTP

We are not human “doings”